Haiku Deathmatch

[InflatableBuddha]

I went to another poetry event on Commercial Drive last night. This time, people dressed up in various Japanese guises (kimonos, military uniforms, sumo outfits, Domokun t-shirt etc.) and went haiku for haiku to see which ones the crowd liked best. Whomever lost the round had to commit a realistic looking seppuku.

Some of the funnier ones from last night:

Roman Emperor
Tongue in the bum, Tossing Cae-
sar's salad

Talk radio blows
Its load in my ear. Bukak
ke-talkie

Lady Gaga once
had pimples, so she po-po
poked her face

 

[El Guaraguao]

Ninjas are the shit
Samurais are also cool
But I am better.

:awe:

 

[AyashiKaibutsu]

Haiku are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

 

[joesmoke]

got traffic ticket
fuck the C.H.P. real hard
maybe with broom stick

 

[SandEagle]

you all fail at haikoos. that aint how it goes

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Cigarettes are gross
Tar on my tonsils, although
If she smokes, she pokes

 

[Cerpin Taxt]

Comfortable shoes
Knew me before I got old
I'm reminiscing

 

[Cerpin Taxt]

Or if you want true deathmatch haiku:

Roundhouse kick your face
Fists of fury beat your ribs
Monkey steals the peach

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Or if you want true deathmatch haiku:

Roundhouse kick your face
Fists of fury beat your ribs
Monkey steals the peach

:thumbsup:

 

[evident]

aren't haikus 5 - 7 - 5 syllables?

 

[GagHalfrunt]

I went to another poetry event on Commercial Drive last night. This time, people dressed up in various Japanese guises (kimonos, military uniforms, sumo outfits, Domokun t-shirt etc.) and went haiku for haiku to see which ones the crowd liked best. Whomever lost the round had to commit a realistic looking seppuku.

Some of the funnier ones from last night:

Roman Emperor
Tongue in the bum, Toss
-ing Caesar's salad

Talk radio blows
Its load in my ear
Bukkake-talkie

Lady Gaga once
had pimples, so she
po-po-poked her face

Wow, you don't even know what a haiku is and yet you start a thread on haiku?

Self-ownage displayed
O.P. doesn't get the scheme
It's five-seven-five

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Wow, you don't even know what a haiku is and yet you start a thread on haiku?

Self-ownage displayed
O.P. doesn't get the scheme
It's five-seven-five

Messed up the structure
Fixed in the OP for you
Don't be smug, jackass

 

[mb]

Roman Emperor
Tongue in the bum, Tossing Cae-
sar's salad

Talk radio blows
Its load in my ear. Bukak
ke-talkie

Lady Gaga once
had pimples, so she po-po
poked her face

Messed up the structure
Fixed in the OP for you
Don't be smug, jackass

you can't break up words like that on different lines, either...

Also the point isn't necessarily just to have a complete 17 syllable sentence either.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Hookers and Cocaine
are oft advocated here
everyone knows this

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Messed up the structure
Fixed in the OP for you
Don't be smug, jackass

Wrong zippy, you didn't fix anything. Try leaning how to COUNT. Breaking up the lines like a 2 year old playing with blocks for the first time doesn't obscure the fact that none of your examples is going to add up to 17 syllables no matter how you try to mangle the words. Instead of crying that people are smarter than you, why don't you pull your head out of your ass long enough to learn where, why and how you fucked up.

 

[QueBert]

Ohhhh!
she wants me to love her
the way she would love her`
if she was me

Epiphany - Kent Foreman

He just completely explained females using only 17 syllables, incredible.

 

[preslove]

poster above me
is a douche bag and nozzle
all of us know this.

[this was originally aimed at GagHalfrunt, but QueBert works well, too.]

 

[QueBert]

poster above me
is a douche bag and nozzle
all of us know this.

him saying that is
like fat asses at Jenny
Craig calling you fat

And mine rhymed...

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Wrong zippy, you didn't fix anything. Try leaning how to COUNT. Breaking up the lines like a 2 year old playing with blocks for the first time doesn't obscure the fact that none of your examples is going to add up to 17 syllables no matter how you try to mangle the words. Instead of crying that people are smarter than you, why don't you pull your head out of your ass long enough to learn where, why and how you fucked up.

Ugh, looks like that's what a lack of sleep will do to me. I totally didn't remember those properly from last night.

Still, you could be less of a stuck-up fuckwad about it. I recognize now that I erred.

I actually wrote the one in #6, though and it's a proper haiku. If you'd read the entire thread instead of just knee-jerk attacking me, you'd know that.

 

[preslove]

him saying that
is like fat people at Jenny Craig
calling you fat

And mine rhymed...

Quebert was a lame
8-bit game, and the poster
can't count syllables.

 

[QueBert]

Quebert was a lame
8-bit game, and the poster
can't count syllables.

Learn to count you bitch
it was indeed seventeen
I fucked your moms mouth

 

[preslove]

Learn to count you bitch
it was indeed seventeen
I fucked your moms mouth

five, seven, five go
the haiku rules. Quebert is
dumb, this is well known.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Ugh, looks like that's what a lack of sleep will do to me. I totally didn't remember those properly from last night.

Still, you could be less of a stuck-up fuckwad about it. I recognize now that I erred.

I actually wrote the one in #6, though and it's a proper haiku. If you'd read the entire thread instead of just knee-jerk attacking me, you'd know that.

Newsflash here Zippy. Try to follow the steps, I won't number them because it's clear that you can't count.

-- You posted three non-haiku as examples of haiku, thereby proving that you don't understand haiku

-- you cry about just missing the structure

-- When called on that you went back and edited said haiku, butchering them further and STILL failing to turn them into haiku.


What part of that do you dispute?


your whining grows stale (5)
stop blaming other people (7)
for your own mistakes (5)

That's a haiku.

please attempt to grow (5)
a brain of your very own (7)
rather than crying (5)

That's one too.

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Newsflash here Zippy. Try to follow the steps, I won't number them because it's clear that you can't count.

-- You posted three non-haiku as examples of haiku, thereby proving that you don't understand haiku

-- you cry about just missing the structure

-- When called on that you went back and edited said haiku, butchering them further and STILL failing to turn them into haiku.


What part of that do you dispute?


your whining grows stale (5)
stop blaming other people (7)
for your own mistakes (5)

That's a haiku.

please attempt to grow (5)
a brain of your very own (7)
rather than crying (5)

That's one too.

/facepalm

Did you actually read my post that you quoted? I admitted that I made an error in my post and again when I tried to correct it. I'm not crying or bitching about it, and I didn't dispute that I erred. Oops...apparently I'm human.

"I recognize now that I erred".

Then, I referred you to a haiku that I wrote in post #6, which is in the correct structure. You obviously haven't bothered to read it, or you'd see that I recognized my error and formulated a structurally sound haiku there.

I see that you'd prefer to be an obnoxiously assholic cuntbag instead. Kindly fuck yourself in the ear with a katana, you dick.

 

[HN]

hello, how are you?
fantastic. look at your man.
he's riding a horse.