- May 18, 2001
- 7,875
- 372
- 126
Unlike the popular Hollywood stereotype, IT is full of people who are just normal folks like everyone else. We behave, dress, and speak exactly like any other Betty, Dave, or Samir. In a crowded room, you probably couldn?t pick us out from the athletes, doctors, musicians, porn stars, and fry cooks who populate this crazy world.
Then there are ?The Others.? I ran into one of them at a 3 day SSIS class held this week at a nearby popular technical training center. I immediately sensed that the class was in danger of being completely derailed.
Everyone who has ever attended a technical class in college or elsewhere knows who I?m talking about. He is a middle-aged guy who sits in the dead center of the class so he can attract maximum attention to himself. He is a little angry that he doesn?t own Google. He doesn?t actually need to be there; there is nothing that he doesn?t already know about technology. He wears a golf shirt that is emblazoned with a Cisco logo. His massive backpack barely contains the small technology center that he has brought along to give him the opportunity to sneer with contempt at the other students who have to content themselves with using the training center?s hardware. After he gets his Command HQ set up, he immediately begins probing the training center?s network for security weaknesses, loudly and repeatedly proclaiming to everyone ways in which he would have configured everything better, faster, and more secure.
He always has a Padawan with him. This Padawan is usually fresh out of college, and has hooked up with The Master to absorb the volumes of his wisdom. The Padawan is in training, and tries to emulate The Master in every way possible. They dress identically. They take bathroom breaks together. They drink the same coffee from the same cup. While the master?s shiny dome is naturally slick and bald as a sign of his age and experience, the Padawan shaves his own head with a razor. The Master and the Padawan, they are one. This is not in any way a sexual relationship, although the eager Padawan would certainly let The Master boldly go where no man has gone before, if asked. The Padawan?s two primary responsibilities are to continually congratulate The Master on his overwhelming greatness, and to encourage the rest of the class to bow and worship.
Shortly after the class begins, The Master immediately spews out an incredibly convoluted and esoteric string of techno babble to stump the instructor and to establish himself as the alpha geek. Once the teacher is properly cowed, The Master is free to ignore the rest of the session, entertain the Padawan with Star Trek charades, hack into the CIA, and regale the Padawan with steamy tales of what he is going to do later that night with his pretend girlfriend. Though he is loud and disruptive to the rest of the class, he is The Master; he needs not concern himself with the petty needs of those trying to learn.
It is always best for the common IT guy to avoid direct eye contact with The Master, unless he wants to be beaten down with his own lack of knowledge. Also, it should be expected that during breaks, The Master will approach the instructor to give him pointers on how to better teach the material. His disappointment in how slowly the class is progressing cannot be expressed in any way that mere normal people can understand. He is the Master, and will instruct the Padawan to push people out of the way so that He gets the freshest cookies and coffee.
Damn, I?m not sure I actually learned much at this class.
Then there are ?The Others.? I ran into one of them at a 3 day SSIS class held this week at a nearby popular technical training center. I immediately sensed that the class was in danger of being completely derailed.
Everyone who has ever attended a technical class in college or elsewhere knows who I?m talking about. He is a middle-aged guy who sits in the dead center of the class so he can attract maximum attention to himself. He is a little angry that he doesn?t own Google. He doesn?t actually need to be there; there is nothing that he doesn?t already know about technology. He wears a golf shirt that is emblazoned with a Cisco logo. His massive backpack barely contains the small technology center that he has brought along to give him the opportunity to sneer with contempt at the other students who have to content themselves with using the training center?s hardware. After he gets his Command HQ set up, he immediately begins probing the training center?s network for security weaknesses, loudly and repeatedly proclaiming to everyone ways in which he would have configured everything better, faster, and more secure.
He always has a Padawan with him. This Padawan is usually fresh out of college, and has hooked up with The Master to absorb the volumes of his wisdom. The Padawan is in training, and tries to emulate The Master in every way possible. They dress identically. They take bathroom breaks together. They drink the same coffee from the same cup. While the master?s shiny dome is naturally slick and bald as a sign of his age and experience, the Padawan shaves his own head with a razor. The Master and the Padawan, they are one. This is not in any way a sexual relationship, although the eager Padawan would certainly let The Master boldly go where no man has gone before, if asked. The Padawan?s two primary responsibilities are to continually congratulate The Master on his overwhelming greatness, and to encourage the rest of the class to bow and worship.
Shortly after the class begins, The Master immediately spews out an incredibly convoluted and esoteric string of techno babble to stump the instructor and to establish himself as the alpha geek. Once the teacher is properly cowed, The Master is free to ignore the rest of the session, entertain the Padawan with Star Trek charades, hack into the CIA, and regale the Padawan with steamy tales of what he is going to do later that night with his pretend girlfriend. Though he is loud and disruptive to the rest of the class, he is The Master; he needs not concern himself with the petty needs of those trying to learn.
It is always best for the common IT guy to avoid direct eye contact with The Master, unless he wants to be beaten down with his own lack of knowledge. Also, it should be expected that during breaks, The Master will approach the instructor to give him pointers on how to better teach the material. His disappointment in how slowly the class is progressing cannot be expressed in any way that mere normal people can understand. He is the Master, and will instruct the Padawan to push people out of the way so that He gets the freshest cookies and coffee.
Damn, I?m not sure I actually learned much at this class.
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