OP, let me give you some insight as I actually own and use a pair of 768mb GTX 460s in SLI.
First of all, if you want to know the memory usage in games, use MSI Afterburner. It will show you.
As others have said, you will need to adjust the settings accordingly in modern games. That means turning down the textures a notch, and avoiding AA if you can. In BF3 I've found that the "post" AA works great whereas traditional MSAA kills my cards.
In a year or so I have a feeling that we're going to run into some more major problems with cards like this, but for now, we've only got 256mb less than most people, so it's a matter of making some small sacrifices in order to use our setups optimally.
In most games, particularly ones that came out 6 months to a year ago, having 768mb of vram is plenty and you wouldn't even notice a difference between this type of setup and another that has 2gb.
You don't need to remove a card to test the difference SLI makes, BTW. Just change it in the nVidia control panel.