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groaner .....

U

ultravox

Elite Member
Teacher Arrested


At Los Angeles International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is
Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000.
And he wants to use this as collateral. She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone
 
Me: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'the green green grass of home.'"

Doc: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."


Me: "Is it common?"

Doc: "It's not unusual."
 
The first one and the third one are hilarious. 😀 The Kermit Jagger one was terrible.

Two out of three ain't bad. Perhaps Brutuskend has some competition.
 
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater
followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for an intimate nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next
morning.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet?"

"No, she replies........."
"You just happened to catch my eye."
 
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car
on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded
to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
 
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop?
.
.
.
.
.
An amish drive-by shooting


Don't laugh ....you're just encouraging me. How much more can you people take??
 
Last one...you people are going to break if I don't stop soon....

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis
 
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