Brutuskend
Lifer
My wife is a sex object.
Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
~Les Dawson
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
~Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.
It was here first.
~Mark Twain
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness?
It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope
A woman drove me to drink ...
and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
~W.C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
~W.C. Fields
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns
We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Unknown
Don't worry about avoiding temptation...
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Unknown
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But ... everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Unknown
Doctor to patient:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~Unknown
The cardiologist's diet:
If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Unknown
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
~Les Dawson
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
~Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.
It was here first.
~Mark Twain
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness?
It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope
A woman drove me to drink ...
and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
~W.C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
~W.C. Fields
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns
We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Unknown
Don't worry about avoiding temptation...
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Unknown
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But ... everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Unknown
Doctor to patient:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~Unknown
The cardiologist's diet:
If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Unknown
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
