Great listen about marriage research findings

[Pliablemoose]

I caught this the other day on the radio, it's about marriage researchers who videoed & placed telemetry on couples.

http://www.thislife.org/, go to "Episodes/RealAudio,
by year produced:" 04, The Sanctity of Marriage 3/26, Episode 261 (skip over the first few minutes, it's a HS class that really doesn't teach you anything.

Sorry it's Real Audio, but it's a great show & IMHO worth installing RA or a hack for it.

Some of the conclusions:

All couples disagree & they disagree about money, kids, sex & time, it's how they deal with disagreeing, successful couples disagree in a very specific manner....

@ the end they talk about gay couples, & that was interesting too.

 

[astroview]

Can you sum up the right way to "how they deal with disagreeing?"

 

[samgau]

Dang... its 1hr long....

 

[TekChik]

maybe you should send this to Dezign

 

[PingSpike]

No offense Pliablemoose, but I just don't 'do' the real audio thing. Its not my bag.

Whats it about though, seriously? cliffs

 

[bigalt]

that's an awesome radio show, if you listen long enough to get over ira glass' voice.

 

[Pliablemoose]

It's hard to sum up, just the middle part is what I really liked, it talked about how successful couples that did not divorce all argued, about the same things the couples that divorced did, but they were kind about it, they'd bring up a subject & then soften it, a lot, they also said a minimum of 5 nice things nearly immediately after saying something that hurt the other's feelings.

The researchers measured pulse rates & successful couples didn't argue in a manner that raised the other's heart rate. They thought the heart rate thing was it initially, but another group of couples divorced, much later, they weren't emotionally involved with each other, they were good parents, etc, but they were the couple @ the resturaunt that seem cold & distant from each other, they usually split up after the kids grew up.

The last section was about research they've been doing on gay couples & they've already found out that gay couples communicate much more & about more things than hetero couples.

You can skip the first & last part, the middle is the best...

 

[Gurck]

hate ra, anyone have a link to it in wma/mp3?

 

[gopunk]

i love this american life... it's a really good radio show

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
It's hard to sum up, just the middle part is what I really liked, it talked about how successful couples that did not divorce all argued, about the same things the couples that divorced did, but they were kind about it, they'd bring up a subject & then soften it, a lot, they also said a minimum of 5 nice things nearly immediately after saying something that hurt the other's feelings.

The researchers measured pulse rates & successful couples didn't argue in a manner that raised the other's heart rate. They thought the heart rate thing was it initially, but another group of couples divorced, much later, they weren't emotionally involved with each other, they were good parents, etc, but they were the couple @ the resturaunt that seem cold & distant from each other, they usually split up after the kids grew up.

The last section was about research they've been doing on gay couples & they've already found out that gay couples communicate much more & about more things than hetero couples.

You can skip the first & last part, the middle is the best...

Communication must play a great deal in relationships. Furthermore, I heard that emphasis on accepting each other as they are is much more important than emphasizing on trying to understand each other. The reason being that an individual can never understand his/her completely.

 

[rh71]

basically, it takes 2 hard-headed people to divorce.