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Grandfather cancer, family won't tell him.

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DCal430

Diamond Member
My grandpa is 90 years old, and doctors have found cancerous growth on his spine and lung. They don't know for sure but they believe it is an aggressive prostate cancer that has spread (stage 4). At his age they don't want to do treatment, but they don't think he has much more time left. More test need to be done though to determine the true extent of the spread, and to confirm if it is prostate cancer.

The entire family has basically decided that he should live in ignorance. He keeps asking if the doctor has found out why his back hurts, and they won't tell him the truth. I believe he has a right to know, but they claim they are protecting him. He should also have a right to decide for himself if he wants treatment. I fear when the time comes for him to be on his deathbed and he realizes the truth, that everyone lied to him, he will be very resentful. I find it so cowardly that no one is willing to speak the truth to him.
 
twinrider1 said:
I would think a doctor would be required to share the results.
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Grandpa doesn't speak any English, the doctor relies on the family to translate all results. Grandpa also trust his children to act as an intermediary between him and doctors.
 
I'd tell him, I'd be pissed if everyone thought I couldn't handle it and to "protect me" they hid it from me.
 
DCal430 said:
Grandpa doesn't speak any English, the doctor relies on the family to translate all results. Grandpa also trust his children to act as an intermediary between him and doctors.
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Wow, that's shitty. he certainly has the right to know. They aren't protecting him...they are protecting themselves by not having to have the conversation with their father/grandfather/etc. It's extremely selfish of the family, IMO.
 
That is really messed up not telling him. He has the right to know. Maybe there is something(s) he would like to do experience in some way that he hasn't yet at his age and would like too before passing away. Finding out you are dying and don't have much time left can be that spark needed to do xxx before it's too late.

The man has a right to know and I would tell him if no one else would. If you are afraid of the shitstorm it would bring down on you and don't want to confront it, mail a note to him (assuming family doesn't go through his mail) typed out without your name to make him aware at least.
 
KaOTiK said:
That is really messed up not telling him. He has the right to know. Maybe there is something(s) he would like to do experience in some way that he hasn't yet at his age and would like too before passing away. Finding out you are dying and don't have much time left can be that spark needed to do xxx before it's too late.

The man has a right to know and I would tell him if no one else would. If you are afraid of the shitstorm it would bring down on you and don't want to confront it, mail a note to him (assuming family doesn't go through his mail) typed out without your name to make him aware at least.
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Writing a note isn't possible, as I only can write in English, and he can't read a word of English. I will try to get the family to see he has a right to know.
 
DCal430 said:
Writing a note isn't possible, as I only can write in English, and he can't read a word of English. I will try to get the family to see he has a right to know.
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We have this thing called the internet, it has translation programs on it.
 
what langauge does the grandpa speak? Just a curiosity.

Anyway I think it's wrong, because when he's dying of cancer he'll know you haven't told him the truth. Dying of cancer probably isn't the same as a heart attack or a classic decline to death of old age and he could realize that.
Is he all there with his mind or is he senile? If he's not even demented what you're doing is wrong beyond any justification.
Sure, knowing you have cancer feels bad, but he'll be dying and feel like it regardless, knowing the reason doesn't change the scenario, and knowing that your family thinks you're a old man who can't handle it is offensive and worse. I'd talk to the family some more, unless he also has dementia to a point where he wouldn't understand.
 
DCal430 said:
Writing a note isn't possible, as I only can write in English, and he can't read a word of English. I will try to get the family to see he has a right to know.
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Google translate to get the rough idea at least, " you have very bad cancer".
 
DCal430 said:
Writing a note isn't possible, as I only can write in English, and he can't read a word of English. I will try to get the family to see he has a right to know.
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Unless he is incapacitated mentally, I find it hard to believe the doctors just trust the family to tell him.
 
DCal430 said:
Can't go against the family wishes.
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fuck your bitchass family, if they don't have the stones to tell him you should.

give the man a chance to make his peace and say his goodbyes, I guarantee you that he came to term with his own mortality years ago when his friends started dying off.
 
OCGuy said:
Unless he is incapacitated mentally, I find it hard to believe the doctors just trust the family to tell him.
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Doctors don't just have people to translate. When he was in the hospital, two years ago, the hospital needed a family member there at all times to translate. In the past he has already given consent for the family to translate for him.
 
Wow sorry to hear! From the sound of it I lost my Grandfather to pretty much the same thing just over a year ago. Not telling him is pretty much the worst thing you can do in my opinion.
 
KaOTiK said:
We have this thing called the internet, it has translation programs on it.
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Because translation programs are 100% perfect 100% of the time because nobody wants to take the chance of a dire message being mis translated.
 
DCal430 said:
Doctors don't just have people to translate. When he was in the hospital, two years ago, the hospital needed a family member there at all times to translate. In the past he has already given consent for the family to translate for him.
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Most hospitals at least around here have a 24/7 translation service where you call a number, tell them the language you need translated, they get you a translator and relay through phone.
 
DCal430 said:
Doctors don't just have people to translate. When he was in the hospital, two years ago, the hospital needed a family member there at all times to translate. In the past he has already given consent for the family to translate for him.
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Im smelling BS


"Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 is the federal law that protects
individuals from discrimination on the basis of their race, color, or national
origin in all programs that receive federal financial assistance. The Office for
Civil Rights (OCR) of the United States Department of Health and Human
Services (HHS) has a long-standing position that, in order to avoid
discrimination against limited English proficiency (LEP) persons, healthcare
entities receiving federal financial assistance must take adequate steps to
ensure that such LEP persons receive, free of charge, the language
assistance necessary to afford them meaningful access to their services.


"Using informal or untrained interpreters has pitfalls. OCR policies specifically
state that requiring a patient to use family members and friends as
interpreters is not considered an adequate means of guaranteeing access to
health care. If the LEP person voluntarily chooses to provide his or her own
interpreter, the physician should consider whether making a record of that
choice, and of the recipient's offer of assistance, is appropriate."



http://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/physicians-required-to-provide-interpret-87989/





Something tells me that for End of Life issues, the doctors would go out of their way to make sure they are communicating directly with the patient.

The doctor has to verify care decisions directly with the patient unless they have been deemed incapacitated and have assigned a power of attorney.
 
DCal430 said:
Doctors don't just have people to translate. When he was in the hospital, two years ago, the hospital needed a family member there at all times to translate. In the past he has already given consent for the family to translate for him.
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What state are you in? This is technically illegal in CA. Also, unless he has a signed power of attorney what you are proposing is also highly illegal. So.....
 
88keys said:
Because translation programs are 100% perfect 100% of the time because nobody wants to take the chance of a dire message being mis translated.
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No, but you know you can try a few different ones and see if you get the same results and if you truly cared I am sure you can find someone on a forum that is willing to help at no cost.

You can make the message so simply I doubt a translation program can mess it up. Like, oh I don't know "You have cancer"
 
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