Grammar, wording help

[iamme]

i'm in the midst of a school, group project that involves a case study for a company. we need to rewrite the "vision statement" and that's been assigned to someone else in the group. here's what they came up with for Royal Caribbean Cruises:

Setting the standard of excellence in the cruises vacation industry.

that doesn't seem grammatically correct to me, for some reason.

is this better?

Setting the standard of excellence in the vacation cruise industry

or

Setting the standard of excellence in the cruise vacation industry

 

[Heisenberg]

"Setting the standard of excellence in the cruise vacation industry" is the most correct version I think.

Or maybe something like "Setting the standards for excellence in the cruise vacation industry".

 

[sixone]

I like the second one best.

 

[iamme]

"vacation cruise" or "cruise vacation"?

which are is correct: "i took a (vacation cruise OR cruise vacation) last year"?

 

[sixone]

Cruise vacation.

 

[Jakebrake]

Try this," Royal Caribbean Cruises, setting the standard of excellence in the vacation industry."

 

[Gibsons]

Aren't "vacation cruise" and "cruise vacation" really the same thing? I can't think of why one might be grammatically preferred over the other.

"Cruises vacation" sounds wrong because it mixes a plural and a singular.

 

[shilala]

The Standard of Excellence in the vacation cruise industry.

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: Jakebrake
Try this," Royal Caribbean Cruises, setting the standard of excellence in the vacation industry."

just a few technical reasons we can't use that. the firm is called Royal Caribbean Cruises Ltd. with several different brands and branches (such as Celebrity Cruises). leaving out "Royal Caribbean" allows the vision statement to encompass all the entities.

 

[brigden]

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
"Setting the standard of excellence in the cruise vacation industry" is the most correct version I think.

Or maybe something like "Setting the standards for excellence in the cruise vacation industry".

I agree with Heisenberg's second option.

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: brigden

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
"Setting the standard of excellence in the cruise vacation industry" is the most correct version I think.

Or maybe something like "Setting the standards for excellence in the cruise vacation industry".

I agree with Heisenberg's second option.

yeah, that does sound most comfortable to me, thanks guys.

 

[Raiden256]

"Cruising to a new standard in the vacation industry"

 

[axelfox]

Why do you need "vacation" in there? I think the general definition of a cruise implies a vacation.

 

[Wallydraigle]

A cruise vacation is a vacation that is a cruise. A vacation cruise is a cruise you take while on vacation. What's the difference? I haven't a clue.

 

[Ikonomi]

Well, the main problem is that ain't a sentence. 😛 And if you're going to have an advertisement-like fragment, why not go all the way and say something like...

"Royal Caribbean: The standard of excellence". Or... Hrm, I dunno. "Royal Caribbean Cruises: The Standard of Excellence in the cruise vacation industry."

Or if it's actually supposed to be a complete sentence in the middle of a document, tell your group member to re-write it. "We set the standard for the cruise vacation industry."

I really don't know.

 

[Gurck]

"Setting the standard of excellence in the cruise vacation industry"

 

[ActuaryTm]

.

 

[Adica]

Originally posted by: iamme
"vacation cruise" or "cruise vacation"?

which are is correct: "i took a (vacation cruise OR cruise vacation) last year"?

I wouln't say either.

I would say "I went on a cruise last year."