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Grammar correction some one please help.. thanks

S

slinetz

Senior member
Shopping heavens in Shanghai
Have you ever been on the occasion of lingering in front of show windows displayed with luxury clothes yet hopeless to take them home? Any stylish youth absolutely meet with the embarrassment of being unable to get satisfactory clothes with not much money. Now, don?t need worry the annoying stuff any more! The information below undoubtedly will clear up the obstacle on the way to your fashion pursuit and entitle you easily to be a trendscout! The secret is nothing more than go to the four shopping heavens in Shanghai!
1. Xiangyang Market
Location:
Feature: The goods of famous brands (although fake, the qualities are not bad) with a bargain price is the biggest selling point for those famous brand seekers on a budget.
Tips: 1) Haggling the peddlers in the market down to at least half of the original price.
2) Speaking Chinese is a handy tool or you will easily be overcharged.
3) Spotting the solicitors and don?t risk following them out of the market.
2. Special streets in the downtown area
Location: Changshu Rd, Changle Rd, Maoming Rd,
Feature: Unique clothes are often seen and what is more, the piece of every kind of clothes is only one! That means the chances of your coming across another girl wearing the same dress are slim( nearly zero) for most of these fantastic clothes are brought from abroad!
Tips: Uniqueness is equal with relatively high price in the fashion circle. However, that is not a rule and elegant T-shirts below 100 RMB are also available.
3. H.K. Brand Street
Location: Underneath People?s Square
Feature: International medium or below brand or local brand stores like Only, Etam, Epirit, Metersbonwe are full of this place. They are popular among local youth due to their casual simple style with reasonable price.
Tips: Prices are fixed and if a cheaper alternative appears to you, the discounting season maybe is your time to shopping.
4. Qipu Market
Location: Qipu Rd.
Feature: 1) Three three-storyed buildings filled with wholesale clothes are definitely a paradise for shopping addicts. Bargaining for an item to the point your ?opponent? vomits blood while you savor the victory of the battle.
2) The variety of items is another characteristic. So many kinds of articles you can imagine like underwear, earrings, necklaces, socks are swimming in front of you that the choice becomes a challenge.
Tips: 1) Buying items in bulk may yield you the best prices for the sellers hold the principle of small benefits and quick return.
2) The goods of all levels requires you patience with a good sense of judgement.
The mood is very uplifting now? Why not indulge yourself in the luxury of shopping at once? And always be a wise trendscout!
 
Cliffs:

Shopping Shanghai hopeless stylish absolutely meet with not much money. Now, undoubtedly will be a trendscout! Xiangyang Market although fake for those famous brand seekers on a handy tool solicitors. Changle Rd, is only one! 100 RMB or below Metersbonwe and Three three-storyed buildings are swimming in front of you. is very uplifting now? And always be a wise trendscout!
 
For to get the what you are looking at, all obstacles to the window should be for the price at a trendscout.
 
Originally posted by: slinetz
I feel i am in the wrong place..
Click to expand...
Are you being serious here? I thought the original post had so many flaws that it was an intentional joke. I appologize if it wasn't a joke. I'll start some serious critiques now.
Shopping heavens in Shanghai
Click to expand...
I've never seen the word "heaven" in the plural form unless it was specifically speaking of the sky. Thus that heading doesn't work very well. Did you mean to say "Shopping heaven in Shanghai" or "Shopping havens in Shaghai"?
Have you ever been on the occasion of lingering in front of show windows displayed with luxury clothes yet hopeless to take them home?
Click to expand...
This is far too many sentences combined into one mess. Here is what you are trying to say in short sentences:
[*]Have you ever been in front of show windows?
[*]These stores display luxury clothes.
[*]You do not have enough money.
[*]Thus you cannot buy the clothes.
That is four separate ideas combined into one sentence. I would suggest that you don't ever combine that many ideas. Try to split this into a few simple sentences instead. Or try removing one or more ideas. Note: my sentences are not what I would use.

Also, delete that "been on the occasion of" phrase. It adds nothing to the sentence. Here is one hint: if at all possible, never use a word that ends in "ing". If you follow that hint, you'll automatically write better. Try this "Have you ever lingered in front of show windows..." Notice how that useless phrase is gone? The sentence is now much more clear.

Try this as a start: "Have you ever lingered in front of luxury store windows without enough money?" Take that as a good place to begin and alter it to your liking.

Repeat for all the other sentences.
Any stylish youth absolutely meet with the embarrassment of being unable to get satisfactory clothes with not much money
Click to expand...
The ideas you are trying to say are:
[*]Some youth like stylish clothing.
[*]Some youth do not have much money.
[*]Thus, they often cannot afford the clothes they want.
[*]This problem embarrasses them.
Again, too many ideas in one sentence. Remove some ideas, or make this into multiple sentences.

You have words that don't add to the sentence, "any", "absolutely", "of being", "with not much money". Try deleting some or all of those useless parts. Here is the result: "Stylish youth meet with embarrassment when unable to buy satisfactory clothes." That is already much better but is far from perfect. Start there and improve it. May I suggest something like this: "Many people cannot afford luxury clothes."
Now, don?t need worry the annoying stuff any more!
Click to expand...
That sentence has so many flaws that I don't know where to begin. This sentence is redundant if you look at the next sentence. Thus, delete the sentence.
The information below undoubtedly will clear up the obstacle on the way to your fashion pursuit and entitle you easily to be a trendscout!
Click to expand...
More extra useless words: "undoubtedly", "up the obstacle on the way to", "easily". Get those words out of there. "The information below will clear your fashion pursuit and entitle you to be a trendscout!" Much better. I have one question though. What the fuc& is a trendscout? That certainly isn't an English word.
 
OK here is my attempt to make some sense out of the OP's writing. 😕


Shopper's paradise in Shanghai
Have you ever lingered in front of a window display of luxurious clothes even though you knew you had no hope of taking them home? Any stylin youth would be embarrassed if he can't afford satisfactory clothes. Don't worry about that annoying lack of funds anymore. The information below will remove any obstacles to pursuing fashion and earn you the title of trendsetter! Visit the four shopping heavens of Shanghai today!

1. Xiangyang Market
Location:
Feature: Famous brand merchandise (although fake, the quality is not bad) with a bargain price is the biggest selling point for those famous brand seekers on a budget.
Tips:
1) Haggling the peddlers in the market down to at least half of the original price.
2) Speaking Chinese is a handy tool or you will easily be overcharged.
3) Spot the solicitors and don?t risk following them out of the market.

2. Special streets in the downtown area
Location: Changshu Rd, Changle Rd, Maoming Rd,
Feature: You can often find one of a kind pieces of clothing! That means the chances of your coming across another girl wearing the same dress are slim( nearly zero) for most of these fantastic clothes are imported!
Tips: Uniqueness brings a relatively high price in the fashion circle. However, that is not a rule and elegant T-shirts below 100 RMB are also available.

3. H.K. Brand Street
Location: Underneath People?s Square
Feature: This place is full of international medium, below brand, or local brand stores like Only, Etam, Epirit, and Metersbonwe. They are popular among local youth due to their casual simple style with reasonable price.
Tips: Prices are fixed and if a cheaper alternative appeals to you, the discounting season may be a better time for shopping.

4. Qipu Market
Location: Qipu Rd.
Feature: 1) Three three-storied buildings filled with wholesale clothes are definitely a paradise for shopping addicts. You can bargain for an item to the point your ?opponent? vomits blood while you savor the victory of the battle.
2) The huge variety of items is another feature. So many items like underwear, earrings, necklaces, socks are swimming in front of you, that choosing becomes a challenge.
Tips: 1) Buying items in bulk may yield you the best prices, for the sellers hold the principle of small benefits and quick return.
2) Finding good value requires patience with a good sense of judgement.

Are you eager to shop? Why not indulge yourself in the luxury of shopping at once? And always be a wise trendscout!


Originally posted by: slinetz
Shopping heavens in Shanghai
Have you ever been on the occasion of lingering in front of show windows displayed with luxury clothes yet hopeless to take them home? Any stylish youth absolutely meet with the embarrassment of being unable to get satisfactory clothes with not much money. Now, don?t need worry the annoying stuff any more! The information below undoubtedly will clear up the obstacle on the way to your fashion pursuit and entitle you easily to be a trendscout! The secret is nothing more than go to the four shopping heavens in Shanghai!
1. Xiangyang Market
Location:
Feature: The goods of famous brands (although fake, the qualities are not bad) with a bargain price is the biggest selling point for those famous brand seekers on a budget.
Tips: 1) Haggling the peddlers in the market down to at least half of the original price.
2) Speaking Chinese is a handy tool or you will easily be overcharged.
3) Spotting the solicitors and don?t risk following them out of the market.
2. Special streets in the downtown area
Location: Changshu Rd, Changle Rd, Maoming Rd,
Feature: Unique clothes are often seen and what is more, the piece of every kind of clothes is only one! That means the chances of your coming across another girl wearing the same dress are slim( nearly zero) for most of these fantastic clothes are brought from abroad!
Tips: Uniqueness is equal with relatively high price in the fashion circle. However, that is not a rule and elegant T-shirts below 100 RMB are also available.
3. H.K. Brand Street
Location: Underneath People?s Square
Feature: International medium or below brand or local brand stores like Only, Etam, Epirit, Metersbonwe are full of this place. They are popular among local youth due to their casual simple style with reasonable price.
Tips: Prices are fixed and if a cheaper alternative appears to you, the discounting season maybe is your time to shopping.
4. Qipu Market
Location: Qipu Rd.
Feature: 1) Three three-storyed buildings filled with wholesale clothes are definitely a paradise for shopping addicts. Bargaining for an item to the point your ?opponent? vomits blood while you savor the victory of the battle.
2) The variety of items is another characteristic. So many kinds of articles you can imagine like underwear, earrings, necklaces, socks are swimming in front of you that the choice becomes a challenge.
Tips: 1) Buying items in bulk may yield you the best prices for the sellers hold the principle of small benefits and quick return.
2) The goods of all levels requires you patience with a good sense of judgement.
The mood is very uplifting now? Why not indulge yourself in the luxury of shopping at once? And always be a wise trendscout!
Click to expand...

 
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