Grace under pressure! (Brought to you by Brutuskend)

[Brutuskend]

Patients' Patience . . .

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies (rectal exams):

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey . . ."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Are we there yet?

14. "If you find any gold we'll split it!"

 

[Deeko]

hmm....sounds like a fun job.

 

[Zenmervolt]

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

LOL.

ZV

 

[etech]

Ok, those were good.

I might even print those out for the guys at work to read before they go get their physical.

 

[Novgrod]

interestingly enough, i was present for a couple hundred colonoscopies and nobody ever said anything other than "unnngh"

Most of them remembered something of the procedure afterwards, but rarely did they remember much.

My favorite exchange was this:

Him [whispers]: i have to go to the bathroom

me: it's just gas--you can just let it pass

him in two minutes: i have to go to the bathroom [a side-effect of the versed + demerol is a sort of temporary amnesia]

me: it's just gas, if you turn on your side you can let it pass.

him in two minutes: i have to go to the bathroom.

me: okay i'm going to help you to the bathroom. I'm going to lower your stretcher and let down the guardrail and we'll walk over. [we do that].

him: there's a little blood in my iv bag.

me: don't worry; it happens when it dips below where you were poked. Now listen, I'm going to hang this bag on the coat hanger here, and i want you to knock every ten seconds. If I don't hear something from you, I'm coming in.

Then i hear more gas than you can imagine--it sounds like a balloon was being deflated.

him: i didn't even have to poop!

The End.

Anyway maybe they were true, but if so i feel sorry for those poor people, who clearly didn't get enough drugs.

 

[numark]

I got to watch in on one of these things once. I can seriously believe Novgrod's story, iffy on the truth of some of these quotes (still funny anyways ) They mumble incoherently mostly, but some of them can carry on conversations. And as for the versed + demerol, all I can say from person experience is man does that stuff do wonders for causing amnesia Had that when I had some minor surgery done, and from what the doctor claims, I talked through the whole thing and I don't remember a word.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Haha Brutuskend

 

[DaFinn]

Ouch...

 

[ElFenix]

heheheheh

"i'm kosmo kramer, the ass man!"

 

[AlienCraft]

When I had mine, I didn't get any drugs! :| I did say, during the lower GI, when they turned the Barium enema"on" "JESUS, It didn't hurt like this when the aliens did this!" I could hear the staff cracking up in the other room.
BTW, Having a colonoscopy done hurt way less than what was causing the pain in the first place.