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got any good jokes?

I

IAmBatman

Member
my friend is bummed. got any good jokes to help cheer her up?

P.S. she's really hot and would really appreciate it...if you get what i'm saying 🙂
 
Three guys died and when they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter meets them there.

St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't you will forfeit your privilege of being here and we'll have to ask you to visit our friend below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you get. You have to have a car here in Heaven because it is so big!"

The first guy walks up and Peter asks him, "How long were you married?"

The guy replies, "24 years."

St. Peter then asks, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"

The guy says, "Yes, about 10 times...but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same questions from Peter to which he replies, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out and I was faithful there after."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln Town Car for you to drive."

The third guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar for you to drive" A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"
 
Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog licking himself. One says to the other, "I wish I could do that." The other says, "Maybe you should pet it first."




What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?

















Sparky. 😀
 
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. ''Can of PAINT!'' exclaimed the minister. ''Yeah,'' said the newlywed man. ''She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.'' The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. ''That's okay,'' said the man. ''We're not welcome in Home Depot either.''
 


<< two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...all my stupid friends don't get it >>




You know stupid ppl... lol 🙂 dumb joke.. but pretty easy.
 
Two guys walk into a bar....one is carrying a French Poodle, the other is wearing a pink chiffon hat. They sit down at the bar and....


never mind....you wouldn't get it.
 
A guy says to his wife, &quot;I'm in the mood for some 69.&quot;
She says, &quot;It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care.&quot;
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, &quot;Answer the door.&quot;
He says, &quot;But my face is a mess.&quot;
She says, &quot;It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich.&quot;
He opens the door and says, &quot;I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich.&quot;
The mailman says, &quot;I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead.&quot;



 


<< she's hot, and shy. sorry man. she kinda looks like j-love but blonde. >>



Ok then. There is nothing wrong with being shy! 🙂

(but if she changes her mind...) 😉

 


<<

<< ...she's really hot ... >>



Isn't it written that when you say this you are supposed to post pix? 😉 >>



Yes, you are correct.

IAmBatman:

You are in violation of article 11 of the ATOT posting rules:

Thou Shalt Not Post About Hot Women Without Posting Pics

You have been warned. I suggest you rectify this situation.
 


<< she refuses to pose for horny geeks, but she hangs out with me...sucks to be you guys >>



I'm not horny and I am not a ge... ok fine, you got me there. But I have a girlfriend that's fine, and I really am not horny. I just like to be able to put a face to the text! 😉

(and then there is always article 11 hehe)
 
- - - - - -

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Ilene

- - - - - -

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

- - - - - -



Hehe, lame but whatever, I cant post my other ones here 😀


Btw, nice PSA in your batman, ed norton rules
 
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