Going out with the best friend.

[ManOnTheSide]

My friends have known each other for the past 4 years from high school, and they have been best friends for the past year or so. The guy is a very nice guy, and the girl is also. Recently they've started to like each other, and now they are going out. The transition from friends to bf/gf is easy for them, but it seems like they are still best friends, but with holding hands and kissing. Do you think its better for them to just be friends and not fall in love? The guy will be leaving to a out of state college for the next school year, and the girl will be staying. The thing that bothers me is that this girl, left her old bf for this guy, leaving him in the dark. Poor guy, i know him and he is now heartbroken. The ex bf is so nice to her too, but her new bf is a nicer person (he seems a little feminine), he doesn't swear, goes to church, gets good grades in school. yada yada yada. What i was told from the ex bf is that he never liked her best friend, he gets upset when they used to hang out together while he was still going out with her. He told me that she might have fell for him because whenever the ex bf gets upset at him, she would take her best friend's side, and then eventually from taking his side she fell for him. So what i could understand is that she is falling for him because of she was kinda 'forced' into it, you know what i mean?
Okay, so how likely are they going to last?

 

[Syringer]

Eck. Sounds like a mucky situation.

The present boyfriend/ex-best friend should be ashamed of himself to put himself between his best friend and another guy..and be the cause of the breaking up, especially if he as like you say a good person.

 

[Shockwave]

I say 25% they last. Maybe less.

 

[Soybomb]

I think I got lost in there, but I assure you that she did want she wanted to, she wasn't tricked or fooled into or out of a relationship with anyone. If he hadn't been this guy, the old b/f would have still be dumped. Don't worry about it, and don't butt into their business. Actually yes I think good friends make the best people to date too.

 

[ManOnTheSide]

but i have to butt in.....

anyways, the ex broke it off because he wanted her to see whats right for her (what a noble sacifice), but i think its now biting him in the ass now seeing them so 'lovie dovie' together. Yes, she told him that she had feelings for her best friend before the bf/gf broke up.

 

[Judgement]

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide
My friends have known each other for the past 4 years from high school, and they have been best friends for the past year or so. The guy is a very nice guy, and the girl is also. Recently they've started to like each other, and now they are going out. The transition from friends to bf/gf is easy for them, but it seems like they are still best friends, but with holding hands and kissing. Do you think its better for them to just be friends and not fall in love? The guy will be leaving to a out of state college for the next school year, and the girl will be staying. The thing that bothers me is that this girl, left her old bf for this guy, leaving him in the dark. Poor guy, i know him and he is now heartbroken. The ex bf is so nice to her too, but her new bf is a nicer person (he seems a little feminine), he doesn't swear, goes to church, gets good grades in school. yada yada yada. What i was told from the ex bf is that he never liked her best friend, he gets upset when they used to hang out together while he was still going out with her. He told me that she might have fell for him because whenever the ex bf gets upset at him, she would take her best friend's side, and then eventually from taking his side she fell for him. So what i could understand is that she is falling for him because of she was kinda 'forced' into it, you know what i mean?
Okay, so how likely are they going to last?

Most married couples consider each their partner their best friend. You said yourself he is a good guy, if they do break up they shouldn't have a problem maintaining a friendship.

You seem more upset about this then you should be. Are you better friends with her ex then her current boyfriend so you feel the need to stick up for him? Not trying to start an argument just wondering.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Judgement
Most married couples consider each their partner their best friend.

Ding, ding...

We have a winner!!!

Thumper is my best friend!

: ) Hopper

 

[rgwalt]

Originally posted by: Judgement

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide
My friends have known each other for the past 4 years from high school, and they have been best friends for the past year or so. The guy is a very nice guy, and the girl is also. Recently they've started to like each other, and now they are going out. The transition from friends to bf/gf is easy for them, but it seems like they are still best friends, but with holding hands and kissing. Do you think its better for them to just be friends and not fall in love? The guy will be leaving to a out of state college for the next school year, and the girl will be staying. The thing that bothers me is that this girl, left her old bf for this guy, leaving him in the dark. Poor guy, i know him and he is now heartbroken. The ex bf is so nice to her too, but her new bf is a nicer person (he seems a little feminine), he doesn't swear, goes to church, gets good grades in school. yada yada yada. What i was told from the ex bf is that he never liked her best friend, he gets upset when they used to hang out together while he was still going out with her. He told me that she might have fell for him because whenever the ex bf gets upset at him, she would take her best friend's side, and then eventually from taking his side she fell for him. So what i could understand is that she is falling for him because of she was kinda 'forced' into it, you know what i mean?
Okay, so how likely are they going to last?

Most married couples consider each their partner their best friend. You said yourself he is a good guy, if they do break up they shouldn't have a problem maintaining a friendship.

You seem more upset about this then you should be. Are you better friends with her ex then her current boyfriend so you feel the need to stick up for him? Not trying to start an argument just wondering.

Married couples should be best friends, and in my opinion the best relationship start with friendship first. It may suck what happened to the other guy, but these things happen. Love knows no rules, and people are selfish.

Ryan

 

[Sir Fredrick]

I dated my best friend for 3 years.
We're not best friends anymore.
However, it was the longest and best relationship I've ever had, and I still think that relationships founded on friendship are best.

 

[Pers]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: Judgement
Most married couples consider each their partner their best friend.

Ding, ding...

We have a winner!!!

Thumper is my best friend!

: ) Hopper

who made you God to constantly declare "the winner" -- anyway that's lame. you should stop now

edit: this is a horrible situation - no chance in this long distance nonsense to work out... but they have nothing

to lose. He's going out of state -- thus the friendship is destined to be weakened anyway.

my advice to you is to stay out of their drama -- watch and learn from their mistakes

 

[ManOnTheSide]

I dated my best friend for 3 years.
We're not best friends anymore.
However, it was the longest and best relationship I've ever had, and I still think that relationships founded on friendship are best.


so how did it end?

well... i had to butt in.... because...... i am the ex..

 

[Pers]

that sucks...

kill the new dude


jk

 

[ManOnTheSide]

that sucks...

kill the new dude


jk

that ideal came across my mind, but i am smarter than that. well, it just sucks to be me. just so happen that she has him as a best friend. or else everything would be a okay... Damn my luck!

 

[Pers]

hmm... at this point whatever anyone tells you wont do much other than manipulate your emotions.

we can tell you that there are other women - that she's not worth pursuing ~ you'll think we don't understand

what you're going through...and whatnot and ignore the logic behind our advice.

we can tell you that the other guy is gay - your girl is on crack - and it will make you feel good about yourself -but other than that

nothing else will be accomplished. So...just wait it out -- eventually you'll figure everything on your own.

My guess is that you'll realize she isn't worth pursuing - in the meantime hang in there. You'll be fine. i promise

 

[Judgement]

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide
that sucks...

kill the new dude


jk

that ideal came across my mind, but i am smarter than that. well, it just sucks to be me. just so happen that she has him as a best friend. or else everything would be a okay... Damn my luck!

Ohhhh, so now you're the guy that got dumped. That explains a lot to me, like why you were so upset about about it.

 

[ManOnTheSide]

yea, its just that its so hard right now, its so fresh in my mind. I dunno how long it will take for me to move on. She was so nice, she seemed perfect. I loved her personality, no one else can come close....

i still got a place in my heart for her, i have no reason why after what she did to me. And i guess that is the reason why i want to know if they will last. cause i kinda want her back. like i said before, its either him or me. there is no other guy in her life that can come close to us.

 

[goodoptics]

hm... :camera:???

 

[Shockwave]

Originally posted by: goodoptics
hm... :camera:???

 

[Pers]

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide
yea, its just that its so hard right now, its so fresh in my mind. I dunno how long it will take for me to move on. She was so nice, she seemed perfect. I loved her personality, no one else can come close....

i still got a place in my heart for her, i have no reason why after what she did to me. And i guess that is the reason why i want to know if they will last. cause i kinda want her back. like i said before, its either him or me. there is no other guy in her life that can come close to us.

i'm afraid, from what you have explained, that any sort of potential a relationship between you and this girl may have has been already ruined.


several reasons come to mind: you have created a mission out of this. You lost her to some punk - now to revitalize your ego you must get her back.
That is definately not the foundation to a healthy relationship. You have placed her on a pedestal, and convinced yourself of her perfection. Even if
you two do get back together, she wont live up to your expectations. The truth is - she is a girl and like many many MANY others - has the ability to
steal your heart. Finally - assuming you will get back together, you will always know that she dumped you for another guy. I'm sure in some cases,
stuff like this can be worked out. But taking to account the other problems this relationship faces, i don't see much of an emotional recovery on your part
with the knowledge that "miss perfect" didn't think you were "perfect" enough the first time around.

Anyway - before you go out searching for "ms. perfect", make sure you have the maturity to understand such a thing doesn't exist.

 

[rgwalt]

Sorry to hear that you are the ex that received the "dump". In this case, there is nothing that any of us can say to make you change your mind. We can only affirm your feelings and provide sympathy.

Now, in the future, I wouldn't let someone "go" to be noble. People need to make choices and decisions. If the person you are with needs you to let them "go", they are looking for a way to break-up without feeling bad about the situation, which is pure crap. They need to take action, and be willing to live with the consequences. Sorry... I'm a bit bitter from the past. I will no longer lay down... play dead... play doe in headlights...

ryan

 

[Pers]

Originally posted by: rgwalt
Sorry to hear that you are the ex that received the "dump". In this case, there is nothing that any of us can say to make you change your mind. We can only affirm your feelings and provide sympathy.

Now, in the future, I wouldn't let someone "go" to be noble. People need to make choices and decisions. If the person you are with needs you to let them "go", they are looking for a way to break-up without feeling bad about the situation, which is pure crap. They need to take action, and be willing to live with the consequences. Sorry... I'm a bit bitter from the past. I will no longer lay down... play dead... play doe in headlights...

ryan

true

 

[Judgement]

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide
yea, its just that its so hard right now, its so fresh in my mind. I dunno how long it will take for me to move on. She was so nice, she seemed perfect. I loved her personality, no one else can come close....

i still got a place in my heart for her, i have no reason why after what she did to me. And i guess that is the reason why i want to know if they will last. cause i kinda want her back. like i said before, its either him or me. there is no other guy in her life that can come close to us.

Just stick it out, know'll you get through it and that you're still very young with lots of oppertunity. Are you done high school? You mentioned she isn't going away for college.... are you? If not, and you feel strongly enough for her that you wouldn't have moved on a few months from now you can try to grab her on a rebound possibly.

I don't know any couple from high school who lasted through a long distance relationship when one of the people went away for college.

 

[ManOnTheSide]

Originally posted by: Pers

Originally posted by: rgwalt
Sorry to hear that you are the ex that received the "dump". In this case, there is nothing that any of us can say to make you change your mind. We can only affirm your feelings and provide sympathy.

Now, in the future, I wouldn't let someone "go" to be noble. People need to make choices and decisions. If the person you are with needs you to let them "go", they are looking for a way to break-up without feeling bad about the situation, which is pure crap. They need to take action, and be willing to live with the consequences. Sorry... I'm a bit bitter from the past. I will no longer lay down... play dead... play doe in headlights...

ryan

true

yea, from what happened, i've learned alot.

i know nothing that you guys can say can change my mind, but you guys can give me advise that can help me through this crap.

I know miss perfect does not exist, but she was the best relationship i had... don't know if i can find another that is better.

 

[rgwalt]

Originally posted by: ManOnTheSide

Originally posted by: Pers

Originally posted by: rgwalt
Sorry to hear that you are the ex that received the "dump". In this case, there is nothing that any of us can say to make you change your mind. We can only affirm your feelings and provide sympathy.

Now, in the future, I wouldn't let someone "go" to be noble. People need to make choices and decisions. If the person you are with needs you to let them "go", they are looking for a way to break-up without feeling bad about the situation, which is pure crap. They need to take action, and be willing to live with the consequences. Sorry... I'm a bit bitter from the past. I will no longer lay down... play dead... play doe in headlights...

ryan

true

yea, from what happened, i've learned alot.

i know nothing that you guys can say can change my mind, but you guys can give me advise that can help me through this crap.

I know miss perfect does not exist, but she was the best relationship i had... don't know if i can find another that is better.

You think that now, but let me ask... how old are you buddy? It sounds like you are in HS or just out of HS. Trust me, there are a lot of other girls in the world. She isn't the only one, and there are a lot of people out there you will be compatible with. It doesn't feel like it now, but be patient. Give yourself some time to growup. Learn how to enjoy, to love being single. You have to be happy with yourself and by yourself if you are ever going to be happy in life. Most importantly, don't lay down for anyone, for any girl.

Ryan

 

[Pers]

ryan knows what he's talking about.

there are TOO many girls in the world for you to be upset about not getting to have this one

if things don't work out with this girl -- learn from the actions you made that caused her to lose interest in you


anyway...goodluck i wish you the best. every guy knows what it feels like to be heartbroken by that girl that

you would have done anything for.

i think it's important that you find a girl that can appreciate you anyway.