meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
- 7
- 81
drinkmorejava
Diamond Member
- Jun 24, 2004
- 3,567
- 7
- 81
I haven't ever lost anyone that close to me, so I don't know how screwed up I would be, however, for her to invite her ex and all yet not really seem to give a damn about you, not even saying hi, I'd be pretty freaking scared. Then too, you've only been together a month, it might not worth your trouble to find out. If you were in a long-term, committed relationship, I'd definitely follow through, but this I'm not so sure about.
GasX
Lifer
- Feb 8, 2001
- 29,033
- 6
- 81
"I don't want to talk about it right now" can easily be interpreted as a passive aggresive attack. She interpreted it that way and went on a tirade. From where I sit, your first impulse was right - get up and leave. Yet you went in the other room to "cool off" this sends the unstated message that you want to continue the fight (even if the fight was her emotional outbursts at your expense).
Then you left, but called on the way home further prolonging your issues rather than leaving her to deal with the more important one.
In your defense, her "That sure wasn't hard to get you to leave. I know that was the answer you were looking for..." was cruel.
HardcoreRobot
Lifer
- Nov 7, 2000
- 16,403
- 3
- 81
doesn't matter what the real situation is. its not worth putting up with that much unnecessary drama. sayonara senorita.
normally i would say be there for her, obviously she is scrwed up bc of her moms passing, but if she is not trying to be with you, don't bother
normally i would say be there for her, obviously she is scrwed up bc of her moms passing, but if she is not trying to be with you, don't bother
I can see that... You're right, and I guess in the situation she was in, she is going to take anything as an attack, so it was up to me to just sit there and look pretty. Most guys wouldn't even deal with it to begin with only knowing her a month, and to have me involved was risky as we didn't know each other well. Thats probably why she didn't want me to be there to begin with. I see that now.
Oh well whats done is done.
Jesus fvcking christ. Whats with all this sh1t going on during the holidays. I've had one of the crappiest weeks of my life and more then four of the last years of my life are going down the drain.
I'm with you man. The gf is on her way out right before our trip to las vegas this weekend. Its all I can do to get her just to go so we can end our relationship on the right note while all I'm trying to do is convince her that she still has some feeling for me. So many complications since the plans involved spending thanksgiving with my family and she refuses that part of it completely. I think I can get her 500 miles to vegas, 500 miles back, then I have to drive 500 miles over night to my family.
I'm with you man. The gf is on her way out right before our trip to las vegas this weekend. Its all I can do to get her just to go so we can end our relationship on the right note while all I'm trying to do is convince her that she still has some feeling for me. So many complications since the plans involved spending thanksgiving with my family and she refuses that part of it completely. I think I can get her 500 miles to vegas, 500 miles back, then I have to drive 500 miles over night to my family.
Sounds to me like she is trying to see if things will work out with "George". If not, she may come back to you.
Have you been together a month, or she asked to marry you after a month? Both are kind of fishy.
Losing your mom can be totally devastating. I know this. For one, my best friend lost his mom only a few years ago and I saw all the stages. She was someone I knew well. For another, I was with a girl for only about a month when her mom passed away. Different situation as she was from Malaysia and had to go back for that, but I wasn't quite there for her in the ways I should have been.
Anyway, you should have no expectations in this situation. Help her cope and be understanding of her and recognize that it can take years before this doesn't affect her daily life. If, after some time, you realize that you are not right for each other or she doesn't respond to your understanding in kind, then you will know she's not right for you. For now, avoid the drama. You'll make things worse. Even if you knew she was cheating on you, it's not even worth throwing your emotions back at her. Not fair to you, of course, but not fair to her either.
Losing your mom can be totally devastating. I know this. For one, my best friend lost his mom only a few years ago and I saw all the stages. She was someone I knew well. For another, I was with a girl for only about a month when her mom passed away. Different situation as she was from Malaysia and had to go back for that, but I wasn't quite there for her in the ways I should have been.
Anyway, you should have no expectations in this situation. Help her cope and be understanding of her and recognize that it can take years before this doesn't affect her daily life. If, after some time, you realize that you are not right for each other or she doesn't respond to your understanding in kind, then you will know she's not right for you. For now, avoid the drama. You'll make things worse. Even if you knew she was cheating on you, it's not even worth throwing your emotions back at her. Not fair to you, of course, but not fair to her either.
Brandonb, forgive me for not reading thru 61 posts to see if this has been said before.
The girls mother had just died. She is probably a wreck and not thinking clearly. She is probably re-evaluating everything in her life right now, but not with a clear head.
On the one hand, there is George. She knows what to expect there and although they broke up for a reason, there is something comforting in the 'familiar'. Whereas, you are only a month into a relationship with her and she has no idea if it will be a positive outcome. Weighing the devil she knows (George with all the goods and bads) against a relationship with you and an unsure outcome... combined with losing her mom... she is probably torn and confused and scared.
That does not mean that you should be a doormat or treated disrespectfully. You are a grown man and need to set your boundaries firmly and stick by them.
If it were me and I cared for the person... I would shoot off one more email saying that you realize it is a difficult time and you care enough to step back and give her some time but that she should never, ever mistake your kindness for weakness or stupidity.
Good Luck.
The girls mother had just died. She is probably a wreck and not thinking clearly. She is probably re-evaluating everything in her life right now, but not with a clear head.
On the one hand, there is George. She knows what to expect there and although they broke up for a reason, there is something comforting in the 'familiar'. Whereas, you are only a month into a relationship with her and she has no idea if it will be a positive outcome. Weighing the devil she knows (George with all the goods and bads) against a relationship with you and an unsure outcome... combined with losing her mom... she is probably torn and confused and scared.
That does not mean that you should be a doormat or treated disrespectfully. You are a grown man and need to set your boundaries firmly and stick by them.
If it were me and I cared for the person... I would shoot off one more email saying that you realize it is a difficult time and you care enough to step back and give her some time but that she should never, ever mistake your kindness for weakness or stupidity.
Good Luck.
My friend, the following is THE TRUTH. The truth HURTS sometimes, but I want you to improve for the next girl:
WOMEN are attracted to REAL MEN, not walking doormats. If you're dating a girl and she doesn't say hi to you when she walks by, YOU NEED TO RAISE HOLY HELL. I don't care if it's her mother's funeral. I don't care if her whole god damned family died.
You take her aside and you say, "Listen, I realize you're going through a lot right now and that this is difficult for you. I'm here to help you, but you WILL treat me with respect."
Accept no excuses until she sincerely apologizes for what she did. Persist until there is absolutely no trace of DEFIANCE left in her voice or her body language.
If you did this right, she'd be in your arms crying moments later -- not treating you like sh!t.
Dude, you've trained this girl to treat you like CRAP.
Appropriate response: Wait until she gets off the phone. Patiently ask for a full and complete explanation for what was discussed and why she called him. Give her once chance and tell her she has exactly one chance. If she avoids the question, tell her to have a nice life and WALK.
If her mom died, you might "drop" any of the following: her crying a lot, her being sad, her not calling you as often, her being busy with family business.
You do NOT "drop" her CALLING HER EX TO TALK ABOUT HANGING OUT, IGNORING YOU AFTER INVITING YOU, OR TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.
You gave her a license to treat you like this and she's just going on and on now... a real man would've walked out the door. Of course, she would've chased a real man out the door and begged to have him back, too.
Needy and desparate. You sealed your fate here. Or might I say, you put the nail in the coffin, but that would just be really inappropriate
Anyway, good luck on future encounters with members of the opposite sex.
WOMEN are attracted to REAL MEN, not walking doormats. If you're dating a girl and she doesn't say hi to you when she walks by, YOU NEED TO RAISE HOLY HELL. I don't care if it's her mother's funeral. I don't care if her whole god damned family died.
You take her aside and you say, "Listen, I realize you're going through a lot right now and that this is difficult for you. I'm here to help you, but you WILL treat me with respect."
Accept no excuses until she sincerely apologizes for what she did. Persist until there is absolutely no trace of DEFIANCE left in her voice or her body language.
If you did this right, she'd be in your arms crying moments later -- not treating you like sh!t.
Dude, you've trained this girl to treat you like CRAP.
Appropriate response: Wait until she gets off the phone. Patiently ask for a full and complete explanation for what was discussed and why she called him. Give her once chance and tell her she has exactly one chance. If she avoids the question, tell her to have a nice life and WALK.
If her mom died, you might "drop" any of the following: her crying a lot, her being sad, her not calling you as often, her being busy with family business.
You do NOT "drop" her CALLING HER EX TO TALK ABOUT HANGING OUT, IGNORING YOU AFTER INVITING YOU, OR TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.
You gave her a license to treat you like this and she's just going on and on now... a real man would've walked out the door. Of course, she would've chased a real man out the door and begged to have him back, too.
Needy and desparate. You sealed your fate here. Or might I say, you put the nail in the coffin, but that would just be really inappropriate
Anyway, good luck on future encounters with members of the opposite sex.
I'm not feelin' it from this post...
This isn't just a FOOTNOTE. It's a revolution in the way you need to think about how you deal with women.
Originally posted by: Alphathree33
My friend, the following is THE TRUTH. The truth HURTS sometimes, but I want you to improve for the next girl:
WOMEN are attracted to REAL MEN, not walking doormats. If you're dating a girl and she doesn't say hi to you when she walks by, YOU NEED TO RAISE HOLY HELL. I don't care if it's her mother's funeral. I don't care if her whole god damned family died.
You take her aside and you say, "Listen, I realize you're going through a lot right now and that this is difficult for you. I'm here to help you, but you WILL treat me with respect."
Accept no excuses until she sincerely apologizes for what she did. Persist until there is absolutely no trace of DEFIANCE left in her voice or her body language.
If you did this right, she'd be in your arms crying moments later -- not treating you like sh!t.
Dude, you've trained this girl to treat you like CRAP.
Appropriate response: Wait until she gets off the phone. Patiently ask for a full and complete explanation for what was discussed and why she called him. Give her once chance and tell her she has exactly one chance. If she avoids the question, tell her to have a nice life and WALK.
If her mom died, you might "drop" any of the following: her crying a lot, her being sad, her not calling you as often, her being busy with family business.
You do NOT "drop" her CALLING HER EX TO TALK ABOUT HANGING OUT, IGNORING YOU AFTER INVITING YOU, OR TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.
You gave her a license to treat you like this and she's just going on and on now... a real man would've walked out the door. Of course, she would've chased a real man out the door and begged to have him back, too.
Needy and desparate. You sealed your fate here. Or might I say, you put the nail in the coffin, but that would just be really inappropriate
Anyway, good luck on future encounters with members of the opposite sex.
Perfect analysis
fleshconsumed
Diamond Member
- Feb 21, 2002
- 6,486
- 2,363
- 136
I could understand her not wanting to have current BF, especially of only one month, to be present at the wake. If it was I would preferred to be alone without anyone disturbing me so that I could gather my thoughts alone. But I don't understand why the hell did she invite her ex-bf? That's completely unreasonable. And then putting on a show?
OP, you need to let her go. Either she is trying to get back with her ex-bf and using you as a fall-back plan, or she is just being selfish, unreasonable b1tch (sure, losing a parent is hard, but that doesn't mean you can treat other people like crap, and even after calming down still lay blame on the other party), in either case you don't want to stay with her.
OP, you need to let her go. Either she is trying to get back with her ex-bf and using you as a fall-back plan, or she is just being selfish, unreasonable b1tch (sure, losing a parent is hard, but that doesn't mean you can treat other people like crap, and even after calming down still lay blame on the other party), in either case you don't want to stay with her.
meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
- 7
- 81
You gotta be f*cking kidding me :laugh:
Let me guess, next step is to raise the back of your hand if she looks at you funny?
This would work, in dealings with women with NO BACKBONE AT ALL.
Guys, if you plan on dating submissive women with no will of their own, this advice is perfect for you.
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