Azraele
Elite Member
> Gift Wrapping with Cat's Help
>
> 1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
>
> 2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and
> close door.
>
> 3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
>
> 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
>
> 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
>
> 6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
> scissors, labels etc.
>
> 7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable
> wrapping strategy to be formed.
>
> 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
> drawer since last visit and collect string.
>
> 9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.
>
> 10. Remove present from bag.
>
> 11. Remove cat from bag.
>
> 12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
>
> 13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
>
> 14. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove
> cat.
>
> 15. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
>
> 16. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
> paper.
>
> 17. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
> present came in.
>
> 18. Place present on paper.
>
> 19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
> reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat and
> retry.
>
> 20. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent
> sticky tape.
>
> 21. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky
> tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
>
> 22. Seal paper with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as
> possible.
>
> 23. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
> ribbon.
>
> 24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
>
> 25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
> enthusiastic ribbon chase.
>
> 26. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
>
> 27. Decide to skip steps 13-17, in order to save time and reduce risk
> of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box, that is the
> right size for sheet of paper.
>
> 28. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
>
> 29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
>
> 30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
> lockable room.
>
> 31. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to re-lay out
> packing materials.
>
> 32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door
> and re-lock.
>
> 33. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
> cries from cat outside door.)
>
> 34. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
> area of the toilet, but do your best.)
>
> 35. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
> throughvarious cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
> Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with
> wrapping last year.
>
> 36. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
> make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
>
> 37. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing
> tears with transparent sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate
> with bows to hide worst areas.
>
> 38. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself
> on completing a difficult job.
>
> 39. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
>
> 40. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious
> conclusion.
>
> 41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
>
> 42. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper. Feed cat. Return
> to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and
> the door is locked.
>
> 43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper. Attempt to use
> sheets of same pattern.
>
> 44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork of paper. Tie with now
> tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put
> present in bag, for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.
>
> 45. When giving the gift, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they
> try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped
> present.
>
> 46. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap
> the damn thing for you.
>
> 47. Smile smugly, knowing that the recipient could have received a
> cat!
>
> 1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
>
> 2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and
> close door.
>
> 3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
>
> 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
>
> 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
>
> 6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
> scissors, labels etc.
>
> 7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable
> wrapping strategy to be formed.
>
> 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
> drawer since last visit and collect string.
>
> 9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.
>
> 10. Remove present from bag.
>
> 11. Remove cat from bag.
>
> 12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
>
> 13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
>
> 14. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove
> cat.
>
> 15. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
>
> 16. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
> paper.
>
> 17. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
> present came in.
>
> 18. Place present on paper.
>
> 19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
> reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat and
> retry.
>
> 20. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent
> sticky tape.
>
> 21. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky
> tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
>
> 22. Seal paper with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as
> possible.
>
> 23. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
> ribbon.
>
> 24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
>
> 25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
> enthusiastic ribbon chase.
>
> 26. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
>
> 27. Decide to skip steps 13-17, in order to save time and reduce risk
> of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box, that is the
> right size for sheet of paper.
>
> 28. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
>
> 29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
>
> 30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
> lockable room.
>
> 31. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to re-lay out
> packing materials.
>
> 32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door
> and re-lock.
>
> 33. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
> cries from cat outside door.)
>
> 34. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
> area of the toilet, but do your best.)
>
> 35. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
> throughvarious cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
> Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with
> wrapping last year.
>
> 36. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
> make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
>
> 37. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing
> tears with transparent sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate
> with bows to hide worst areas.
>
> 38. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself
> on completing a difficult job.
>
> 39. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
>
> 40. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious
> conclusion.
>
> 41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
>
> 42. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper. Feed cat. Return
> to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and
> the door is locked.
>
> 43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper. Attempt to use
> sheets of same pattern.
>
> 44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork of paper. Tie with now
> tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put
> present in bag, for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.
>
> 45. When giving the gift, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they
> try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped
> present.
>
> 46. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap
> the damn thing for you.
>
> 47. Smile smugly, knowing that the recipient could have received a
> cat!
