Getting a divorce...feeling depressed. - Now I am selling the 3-Stone ring i bought her!

[SaigonK]

So my wife and i have been going through some troubles, about a 2 months ago she comes to me and says that we should go to counseling.
I put up a fight (mainly because I don't believe in them) but I finally agreed to go, she came back to me about 3 weeks ago saying "nevermind, I dont want to go any more..i dont want to be with you anymore..i want a divorce" I was shocked of course.

I ended up making the appointment, and she agreed to go. Of course i felt from day one that she didnt want to be there and that she was just waiting to spring the disaster on me.
Well sure enough she did, she wrote down on the "what do you want form the cousnelgin" sheet that she wanted to split up and go our seperate ways.

I gotta say i am crushed, I have and probably always will love her, she was the one person for me.
The bad part is we have two lovely girls and the custody thing will be ugly....

 

[konichiwa]

Sorry to hear that; I'm a child of divorce and my only words of wisdom are that life will go on for you, your wife and your kids. It takes work but a divorced family can work quite well.

 

[DannyBoy]

sorry to hear that

 

[virtueixi]

Hope you can work it out. GL

 

[TheNinja]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
So my wife and i have been going through some troubles, about a 2 months ago she comes to me and says that we should go to counseling.
I put up a fight (mainly because I don't believe in them) but I finally agreed to go, she came back to me about 3 weeks ago saying "nevermind, I dont want to go any more..i dont want to be with you anymore..i want a divorce" I was shocked of course.

I ended up making the appointment, and she agreed to go. Of course i felt from day one that she didnt want to be there and that she was just waiting to spring the disaster on me.
Well sure enough she did, she wrote down on the "what do you want form the cousnelgin" sheet that she wanted to split up and go our seperate ways.

I gotta say i am crushed, I have and probably always will love her, she was the one person for me.
The bad part is we have two lovely girls and the custody thing will be ugly....

I think you should work on a a little more for one major reason...actually 2 reasons. I could care less about two adults splitting up b/c they have a choice (for the most part anyway). But for the children to be caught in an ugly cutody battle makes me extremly sad (no I don't have kids). Hang in there man and see if you can work something out. If it's too late for that please don't let either side use the kids for leverage.

 

[jemcam]

I've been there man. I've been there. It hurts bad.

There's so much I'd like to tell you, but don't think I should. Most of all, remember that it gets worse before it gets better. Then, slowly but surely, it will get better. Most of all, try to decide what you're going to say when she regrets it and wants to get back together.

Sooner or later, she will, trust me. My best friend who got divorced under the same circumstances as me (cheating bitches) told me it would happen when they found that their "soulmate" really wasn't what they thought. Then, they realized they fvcked up badly when they left you.

What then man, what then? Could be three months, could be a year, but she'll regret it. Mark my words.

 

[kranky]

I hate to hear about a family breaking up. For the sake of your children, would she try counseling even if she thinks her mind is made up? After all, there has to be something in between "things are fine" and "I want to split up" that just comes out of the blue.

I think she owes you something more of an explanation to see if there is any way to patch things up. People should make every effort to work things out because many times they pull the plug way too soon.

I sincerely hope things can be worked out!

 

[StageLeft]

Goodluck, Saigon!

 

[psydancerqt]

i dont believe there is "one" person for each person... i believe any two people can work it out if they both want to...

 

[dirtboy]

My divorce was one of the best things that happened to me. I am far better off now than I was with her. I will say getting divorced is a rough thing to go through, but if she doesn't want to be with you or work things out it will be for her best and your best.

 

[Kadarin]

Try not to be too depressed about it; think of it as your golden opportunity to not be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.. And move on. I wish you the best of luck..

 

[richardycc]

little more details please, did you do something, spending too much time on the computer, etc? she cant just wake up one morning and decided she doesnt wanna be your wife?

 

[huesmann]

Click here!

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: richardycc
little more details please, did you do something, spending too much time on the computer, etc? she cant just wake up one morning and decided she doesnt wanna be your wife?

Actually, that seems to be a fvcking epidemic. She may have been thinking about it for awhile, but I don't doubt at all that this is the first time he's heard it, and to that extreme degree.

Good luck Saigon ... keep your cool no matter what. Sorry to say that it will get worse before it gets better.

 

[Noirish]

and she took half your possessions?

 

[Looney]

When she wanted to go to counselling to fix the marriage, you didn't want to. When she decided enough was enough, then you decided to give marriage a shot even if you didn't believe in them. I don't see how it could be anything but your fault, and i certainly don't feel pity for you. There's an old Chinese adage:

All the big problems in the world could have been solved when they were little problems.

True, not everybody has the gift to predict how everything will end up, but i'm sure this hasn't been a big surprise for you. You must have known at certain points that this was how it could end, yet you didn't take any steps until it was absolutely late. All this didn't happen overnight. I'm sure it's a culmination of many things over many months or years.

And despite what some people here believe, don't stay in the marriage just for the kids sake. Just because they have a mother and father in the same house doesn't mean they won't be affected by your constant bickering and arguing if you stay together 'just for the kids'. Just make sure the divorce isn't ugly and don't put the kids in the middle of it. Too many times it's not the actual divorce that traumatize the children, but the games the parents play against one another, and usually the kids are the center of these games.

 

[SaigonK]

I wouldnt stay in it for just for the kids, that would be bad for everyone. Do i think she will change her mind? yes I do, I think she will realize that moving on and getting a divorce wasnt the answer she wanted. It is going to be tought and I think i can make it though.

The hard part is that I have always thought of her as my best friend, her smile, her laugh, the way she looks in the morning...all those things will be gone now...thats tough.
My girls will be ok, she ia great mother and i would never say any differently, no matter how it turns out for us, i know she will always do the right thing for our children.

 

[jemcam]

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
When she wanted to go to counselling to fix the marriage, you didn't want to. When she decided enough was enough, then you decided to give marriage a shot even if you didn't believe in them. I don't see how it could be anything but your fault, and i certainly don't feel pity for you. There's an old Chinese adage:

All the big problems in the world could have been solved when they were little problems.

True, not everybody has the gift to predict how everything will end up, but i'm sure this hasn't been a big surprise for you. You must have known at certain points that this was how it could end, yet you didn't take any steps until it was absolutely late. All this didn't happen overnight. I'm sure it's a culmination of many things over many months or years.

And despite what some people here believe, don't stay in the marriage just for the kids sake. Just because they have a mother and father in the same house doesn't mean they won't be affected by your constant bickering and arguing if you stay together 'just for the kids'. Just make sure the divorce isn't ugly and don't put the kids in the middle of it. Too many times it's not the actual divorce that traumatize the children, but the games the parents play against one another, and usually the kids are the center of these games.

Sorry Moralpanic, you're an a$$hole. What if the guy is in my former situation 8 years ago when the wife wanted to go to counseling because she was having an affair and she just wanted counseling to make her feel better? Huh? I don't think your wisdom covers all the rules. I also held back on counseling, only to find out a week later that it wouldn't have done any good (by her own admission) and the marriage was over months before I knew there were problems because SHE decided to break our vows. I was faithful, loving, and provided her with her every wish so don't give me that horseshit. You can't analyze every situation after reading a paragraph. There's a hell of a lot more going on behind the scenes that you and he probably don't even know about. So STFU, you're not making the guy feel any better d!ckhead. You've obviously never been through a divorce.

 

[jemcam]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
I wouldnt stay in it for just for the kids, that would be bad for everyone. Do i think she will change her mind? yes I do, I think she will realize that moving on and getting a divorce wasnt the answer she wanted. It is going to be tought and I think i can make it though.

The hard part is that I have always thought of her as my best friend, her smile, her laugh, the way she looks in the morning...all those things will be gone now...thats tough.
My girls will be ok, she ia great mother and i would never say any differently, no matter how it turns out for us, i know she will always do the right thing for our children.

YGPM

 

[jemcam]

DP sorry

 

[conjur]

Sorry to hear that, SaigonK.

I went thru what started out as a very rough divorce last year. My ex eventually regained her sanity and we get along well now.

But, my relationship with my daughters is better than it's ever been.

There's a light at the end of tunnel you've just entered and it's NOT an oncoming train. All I can say now is to hang in there. Words won't erase the pain you're feeling but time will help you heal.

 

[amdskip]

Good luck man!

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: jemcam

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
When she wanted to go to counselling to fix the marriage, you didn't want to. When she decided enough was enough, then you decided to give marriage a shot even if you didn't believe in them. I don't see how it could be anything but your fault, and i certainly don't feel pity for you. There's an old Chinese adage:

All the big problems in the world could have been solved when they were little problems.

True, not everybody has the gift to predict how everything will end up, but i'm sure this hasn't been a big surprise for you. You must have known at certain points that this was how it could end, yet you didn't take any steps until it was absolutely late. All this didn't happen overnight. I'm sure it's a culmination of many things over many months or years.

And despite what some people here believe, don't stay in the marriage just for the kids sake. Just because they have a mother and father in the same house doesn't mean they won't be affected by your constant bickering and arguing if you stay together 'just for the kids'. Just make sure the divorce isn't ugly and don't put the kids in the middle of it. Too many times it's not the actual divorce that traumatize the children, but the games the parents play against one another, and usually the kids are the center of these games.

Sorry Moralpanic, you're an a$$hole. What if the guy is in my former situation 8 years ago when the wife wanted to go to counseling because she was having an affair and she just wanted counseling to make her feel better? Huh? I don't think your wisdom covers all the rules. I also held back on counseling, only to find out a week later that it wouldn't have done any good (by her own admission) and the marriage was over months before I knew there were problems because SHE decided to break our vows. I was faithful, loving, and provided her with her every wish so don't give me that horseshit. You can't analyze every situation after reading a paragraph. There's a hell of a lot more going on behind the scenes that you and he probably don't even know about. So STFU, you're not making the guy feel any better d!ckhead. You've obviously never been through a divorce.

wah wah wah. So you think everybody should be coddle with gentle words? I don't. From what little he has said in his post, i've said my piece. If he wanted complete privacy, then he shouldn't have posted on this forum. I have no problem supporting people, but from his first post, to me, it didn't warrant it, and i didn't. I told him what i thought, that she obviously saw the problems earlier, and tried to get them in therapy. And i'm sure he saw the problems as well, but thought that if he ignored them, they would go away. Obviously they didn't.

As for your problems, they're your problems, i don't give a rats ass about them. And yes, i'm sure there are more going behind the scenes than what he's posted, but i'm going by what he's posted. As for me keeping quiet about it, then he shouldn't have made the post. Unless you've missed the point of where you are, we're on a PUBLIC FORUM. I didn't insult him, i just posted what i thought the situation was, and even posted what i think might be helpful information, to leave the kids out of this. If you're too sensitive for such things, then perhaps this forum isn't for you?

 

[MrYogi]

Originally posted by: Moralpanic

Originally posted by: jemcam

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
When she wanted to go to counselling to fix the marriage, you didn't want to. When she decided enough was enough, then you decided to give marriage a shot even if you didn't believe in them. I don't see how it could be anything but your fault, and i certainly don't feel pity for you. There's an old Chinese adage:

All the big problems in the world could have been solved when they were little problems.

True, not everybody has the gift to predict how everything will end up, but i'm sure this hasn't been a big surprise for you. You must have known at certain points that this was how it could end, yet you didn't take any steps until it was absolutely late. All this didn't happen overnight. I'm sure it's a culmination of many things over many months or years.

And despite what some people here believe, don't stay in the marriage just for the kids sake. Just because they have a mother and father in the same house doesn't mean they won't be affected by your constant bickering and arguing if you stay together 'just for the kids'. Just make sure the divorce isn't ugly and don't put the kids in the middle of it. Too many times it's not the actual divorce that traumatize the children, but the games the parents play against one another, and usually the kids are the center of these games.

Sorry Moralpanic, you're an a$$hole. What if the guy is in my former situation 8 years ago when the wife wanted to go to counseling because she was having an affair and she just wanted counseling to make her feel better? Huh? I don't think your wisdom covers all the rules. I also held back on counseling, only to find out a week later that it wouldn't have done any good (by her own admission) and the marriage was over months before I knew there were problems because SHE decided to break our vows. I was faithful, loving, and provided her with her every wish so don't give me that horseshit. You can't analyze every situation after reading a paragraph. There's a hell of a lot more going on behind the scenes that you and he probably don't even know about. So STFU, you're not making the guy feel any better d!ckhead. You've obviously never been through a divorce.

wah wah wah. So you think everybody should be coddle with gentle words? I don't. From what little he has said in his post, i've said my piece. If he wanted complete privacy, then he shouldn't have posted on this forum. I have no problem supporting people, but from his first post, to me, it didn't warrant it, and i didn't. I told him what i thought, that she obviously saw the problems earlier, and tried to get them in therapy. And i'm sure he saw the problems as well, but thought that if he ignored them, they would go away. Obviously they didn't.

As for your problems, they're your problems, i don't give a rats ass about them. And yes, i'm sure there are more going behind the scenes than what he's posted, but i'm going by what he's posted. As for me keeping quiet about it, then he shouldn't have made the post. Unless you've missed the point of where you are, we're on a PUBLIC FORUM. I didn't insult him, i just posted what i thought the situation was, and even posted what i think might be helpful information, to leave the kids out of this. If you're too sensitive for such things, then perhaps this forum isn't for you?

He is already feeling bad and depressed. Moralpanic, STFU if you cannot post something good.

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: MrYogi

Originally posted by: Moralpanic

Originally posted by: jemcam

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
When she wanted to go to counselling to fix the marriage, you didn't want to. When she decided enough was enough, then you decided to give marriage a shot even if you didn't believe in them. I don't see how it could be anything but your fault, and i certainly don't feel pity for you. There's an old Chinese adage:

All the big problems in the world could have been solved when they were little problems.

True, not everybody has the gift to predict how everything will end up, but i'm sure this hasn't been a big surprise for you. You must have known at certain points that this was how it could end, yet you didn't take any steps until it was absolutely late. All this didn't happen overnight. I'm sure it's a culmination of many things over many months or years.

And despite what some people here believe, don't stay in the marriage just for the kids sake. Just because they have a mother and father in the same house doesn't mean they won't be affected by your constant bickering and arguing if you stay together 'just for the kids'. Just make sure the divorce isn't ugly and don't put the kids in the middle of it. Too many times it's not the actual divorce that traumatize the children, but the games the parents play against one another, and usually the kids are the center of these games.

Sorry Moralpanic, you're an a$$hole. What if the guy is in my former situation 8 years ago when the wife wanted to go to counseling because she was having an affair and she just wanted counseling to make her feel better? Huh? I don't think your wisdom covers all the rules. I also held back on counseling, only to find out a week later that it wouldn't have done any good (by her own admission) and the marriage was over months before I knew there were problems because SHE decided to break our vows. I was faithful, loving, and provided her with her every wish so don't give me that horseshit. You can't analyze every situation after reading a paragraph. There's a hell of a lot more going on behind the scenes that you and he probably don't even know about. So STFU, you're not making the guy feel any better d!ckhead. You've obviously never been through a divorce.

wah wah wah. So you think everybody should be coddle with gentle words? I don't. From what little he has said in his post, i've said my piece. If he wanted complete privacy, then he shouldn't have posted on this forum. I have no problem supporting people, but from his first post, to me, it didn't warrant it, and i didn't. I told him what i thought, that she obviously saw the problems earlier, and tried to get them in therapy. And i'm sure he saw the problems as well, but thought that if he ignored them, they would go away. Obviously they didn't.

As for your problems, they're your problems, i don't give a rats ass about them. And yes, i'm sure there are more going behind the scenes than what he's posted, but i'm going by what he's posted. As for me keeping quiet about it, then he shouldn't have made the post. Unless you've missed the point of where you are, we're on a PUBLIC FORUM. I didn't insult him, i just posted what i thought the situation was, and even posted what i think might be helpful information, to leave the kids out of this. If you're too sensitive for such things, then perhaps this forum isn't for you?

He is already feeling bad and depressed. Moralpanic, STFU if you cannot post something good.

Did i miss the moment when ATOT turned from an open forum to a babying forum? And nobody told me?