I was bored and having a very crappy, self-reflective day so I thought I would write something to cheer myself up. I got a few giggles out of myself writing this, so mabye you guys will too.
This is partly inspired by hotchic's asking "Where can I find more geeks"
This is how I thought five years ago. In retrospect, it's not a bad way to think at all because it avoids getting hurt:
You see, geek land is a subset of the real world. It is intertwined within the real world, but can only be seen by geeks. In geek land, one can make certain fundamental assumptions:
This is partly inspired by hotchic's asking "Where can I find more geeks"
This is how I thought five years ago. In retrospect, it's not a bad way to think at all because it avoids getting hurt:
You see, geek land is a subset of the real world. It is intertwined within the real world, but can only be seen by geeks. In geek land, one can make certain fundamental assumptions:
- No geek can ever have a girlfriend. Girls are not attracted to geeks. When girls approach geeks, it is because they want to use us for our brains. We tolerate this because we like girls to be close to us and we like to show off our brain-powers. In the mind of a geek, girls are like rare, fragile, and beautiful flowers that must be treated with extreme care.
Most of the time, geeks have a huge crush on said girls. While the geek is thinking, ?maybe if I help her enough, she will like me,? the girl is thinking, ?maybe if I keep dropping hints to this moron, he will keep helping me for free.?
- Geeks have only a few male friends. Geeks choose friends who have an approximately equal level of geekiness or eccentric ness. With these friends, geeks share their innermost thoughts about Star Trek, computer chips, gaming strategies, and strange mathematical, scientific and philosophical observations. Often times these topics are combined such that one could discuss the science of Star Trek, the mathematics of computer chips and the philosphy of gaming. It is also possible to discuss the computers of Star Trek, the computer chips required by games and the games that you could make with Star Trek technology.
All geek-friend pairs know that there are only 2^6 - 1 combinations and have already tried most if not all of them. Many have actually written out all of the combinations in search of more abstract ones that they didn't think of. Conversations beyond that point are simply rehashes of old conversations. Geeks have very poor memory when it comes to social activity anyway, so they don't actually remember that they have already had one of these conversations twenty or thirty times.
- Geeks may, from time to time, interact with other, non-geek males. These uncivilized brutes share a geek?s habitat and are the subject of careful scientific observation within the geek community. They seem to be able to magically attract beautiful girls by being extremely rude to them and can frequently demonstrate that smelling like a wet towel that has been sitting in a locker for three months is a good thing.
Because they are so fascinating, geeks don?t mind having them around. But most geeks treat them as they would treat wildlife. The recommended procedure, should a geek accidentally make eye contact with one of them, is a squeamish ?Hi? followed by a slight smile and a brisk walk in the opposite direction with your head down. This has been known to minimize casualties.
(Note: Geeks may occasionally develop a pseudo-friendship with a member of said wildlife. Much like the geek-female relationship, this is a trade off. The geek provides occasional academic help and the brute, from time to time, makes himself seen with the geek saying things like, ?I will smash your head in if you ever do that again to my friend here.?)
- A geek?s mother is his best friend since she is the only person in his life who ever treated him as if he were normal. Even when the geek says something like, ?I?m going to my friend?s house to help him reformat his hard drive because he tried to dual boot Linux and Windows XP right after installing a new processor and ? gosh, he forgot to flash his BIOS, too ? anyway, see ya,? she will always reply with, ?That?s nice honey. Have a good time. Be home for dinner.?
- If you ask a geek if he wants to come to a party, he will think you are insulting him. If you ask a geek why he declined your invitation, he will think you are setting up him to be the butt of a joke.
- At heart, all geeks are chivalrous and romantic. They would stand out in the cold and still give their jacket away to a girl who wasn?t warm enough inside a heated building. When a geek watches Titanic for the first time, they have to hold back tears when Leo dies for Kate because it?s just so perfect. They will hold doors, always let ladies go first, always insist on paying, and always buy the perfect gift. A geek's perfect date is a candlelight dinner at the most expensive restaurant around.
Of course, none of these things ever actually happen. But in geek land, that's the way they should happen.
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