g/f dilemma, what to do?

[Kadarin]

I've been with the same girl for going on 7 years now, and we've lived together for the last year and a half. My problem is that while I still love her and think she's really a great person, I am no longer physically attracted to her. This has nothing to do with how she looks (she looks pretty darn good!), but rather with what I percieve as a closed-minded mental attitude. (A few months back we spent a weekend in Vegas, and a lot of what I heard was her complaining about this cocktail waitress or that hostess' fake boobs..) So it's a mental thing; her attitude makes her not attractive to me, and I don't think of her as someone sexy that I want.

Again, we live together, and we also currently work for the same company (although she works in a different department and different building). Several years ago, we had broken up briefly, and during that time (several months), I dated another girl who lives about 300 miles away (I live in San Jose, she lives in Chico). During this time away from my current g/f, I'd have to say that I was happy. (After several months of this, I got back together with my old g/f after she told me that she was pregnant. She miscarried, but we've been together since..)

Recently I've started talking with the girl in Chico again, and I'm torn with the decision of whether to leave my g/f to go out with this other woman. (I will not cheat, it will be a clean and final break if it comes.) I thought I would appeal to the collective experience and wisdom of the ATOT community to give me some advice. (And before someone yells "pics!", I have none, but both women are good looking, but the woman in Chico is in my opinion better looking.. but it's not about that.)

Any thoughts?

 

[pyonir]

what i say: it isn't fair to your current gf if you aren't going to put into it what you feel is enough. let her down easy and just tell her about how you aren't attracted to her anymore. you are being selfish if you stay with her and not completely 'into' her.

 

[samgau]

Consider all the repercussions and be true to you.... <--- I know its very general... but what else can I say... good luck... I'm certain its not gonna be easy

 

[Nocturnal]

You're asking a bunch of computer nerds... don't you have friends IRL to ask?

j/k

whatever makes you happy man.

 

[Farbio]

i have to agree w/ samgau personally, he's got a very good point in that you have to put yourself first in this situation. what is going to make you feel better, what is going to be more likely to make you happy?
two questions though....
1. do you see your gf changing her attitude at all if you point it out to her, that you find it unattractive, that it really bothers you...do you see her making an effort to realize that you don't have to see a bad side to everything and you don't have to insult that which you are jealous of
2. how old are you all? if you're into your mid to late 20s and been together for that long, how come you haven't proposed and all? what's stopping you from doing that...if you can't see yourself marrying her, then at this point, if you're willing to go try and find something better, you owe to yourself to do that.

hope that helped a lil bit



oh yea, and one other thing
pics??!?!!

 

[Kadarin]

<< You're asking a bunch of computer nerds... don't you have friends IRL to ask? >>




LOL! Actually, one thing that happens when you've been together for so long with someone is that as individuals, you don't have friends so much as you do as a couple. (And it's a bit tougher for me because I've worked graveyard shift for some time now, and have no life...)

Farbio: I'm 33, and my g/f is 26. The woman up in Chico is 32. I've never proposed because it just never felt right (I'm wondering if that answers my own question just right there..)

Thanks for the input!

 

[Koing]

<< I've never proposed because it just never felt right (I'm wondering if that answers my own question just right there..)

Thanks for the input! >>



Theres your answer.

I think you should make yourself happy and be honest with her. I think you should talk to her about it and if shes not happy with it which I think she is then split. Lifes too short to waste now. You've spent some very happy years wih her I bet. Now your not happy so I'd tell her and then get with the other girl.

Kudos for not cheating mate, hate people that cheat.

In life I think you should sometimes put your happiness before other peoples first. Sure people will be burnt but I think you'd rather be happy with this new woman then be stuck in where your at currently. Also I think its unfair for the both of you. She could be out there seeing other guys that are INTO her, as your spark has gone........

Good luck either way.....

 

[Muadib]

BAH! Sorry, but I'm not buying it. You've been with the girl for 7 years!!! Unless you too have mental problems, there's no way in hell it took you that long to realize what her mental attitude was like. You're just looking for any excuse to dump her, so you can get some more of that Chico tail.

but the woman in Chico is in my opinion better looking.. but it's not about that.
Sure it's not, pal. Sure it's not.

 

[AreaCode707]

You're the kind of guy that make women swear off men... 7 year itch huh?
I think this comes of making your choices based solely on attractiveness - not just physical but in general. You're attracted to this person, so you'll live with them. I draw a line between loving someone (that is, caring for that person before yourself) and being in love with them (the feelings, which tend to gratify yourself). Being in love is all well and good, but it does come and go and it takes love to get through the low points. Now, just to unbiasedly give you a glimpse of how you sound in your post to a female, I'd say you're a selfish b@stard, but that's neither here nor there. You're going to have to decide how you intend to make your decisions, and if you actually care for the woman you live with or you've used her for the last seven years. She doesn't sound like she's got that bad a mental attitude, from the example you give. More like she's a little insecure with her looks.

 

[geekybear]

<< You're the kind of guy that make women swear off men... 7 year itch huh?
I think this comes of making your choices based solely on attractiveness - not just physical but in general. You're attracted to this person, so you'll live with them. I draw a line between loving someone (that is, caring for that person before yourself) and being in love with them (the feelings, which tend to gratify yourself). Being in love is all well and good, but it does come and go and it takes love to get through the low points. Now, just to unbiasedly give you a glimpse of how you sound in your post to a female, I'd say you're a selfish b@stard, but that's neither here nor there. You're going to have to decide how you intend to make your decisions, and if you actually care for the woman you live with or you've used her for the last seven years. She doesn't sound like she's got that bad a mental attitude, from the example you give. More like she's a little insecure with her looks. >>



ditto

 

[Anubis]

before you do anything foolish talk to her first to see if you can possibily find out what the problim is. and if it can be fixed. that way you wont end up dpooing something you will regret