Funny lyrics thread

[Demon-Xanth]

I need some humor to wake me up. Post the lyrics (upto 10 lines) from a song that you find funny.

I'll start off with "Beer Goggles" by Smash Mouth

I want someone anyone
Drunk ones spun ones anyone
I want someone anyone
Fat ones whacked ones give me some
I want someone anyone
Spend some rent one lend me one
Fun ones dumb ones gypsy chicks on rocks
Done ones even chicks with chicken pox

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Stephen Lynch - Bitch

I had to see you one last time,

there's something on my mind.

How can I say what needs to be said?

The words are hard to find.

How about "Bitch, gimme my money"?

I want my money and I want it fast.

Hey, bitch, gimme my money...

'Else I'm bout to take it out your ass.

 

[Patt]

Dave Matthews - Crash into Me

Lift up your skirt a little more, and show the world to me.

 

[Slvrtg277]

You don't have to front on me b|tch.
Don't be afraid, it's only a d|ck.
Give up the pvssy soon, all I want is a little womb.
Or get your groupie a$$ out my hotel room.

 

[nakedfrog]

More than ten lines, but oh well
------------------------
Weird Al - Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong

 

[Majesty]

The King Of Rock'n Roll from Prefab Sprout
--------------------------------------------------

All my lazy teenage boasts are now high precision ghosts
And they're coming round the track to haunt me.
When she looks at me and laughs I remind her of the facts
I'm the king of rock'n roll completely
Up from suede shoes to my baby blues

Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque

The dream helps you forget you ain't never danced a step
You were never fleet of foot, hippy.
All the pathos you can keep for the children in the street
For the vision I have had is sweeping
- New broom, this room, sweep it clean

Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
High kickin' dandy, fine figure fine cut a fine figure fine oh yeah ;
Long legged candy, fine figure fine cut a fine figure fine oh yeah ;

Now my rhythm ain't so hot, but it's the only friend I've got
I'm the king of rock'n roll completely
All the pretty birds have flown now I'm dancing on my own
I'm the king of rock'n roll completely
- Up from, suede shoes to my baby blues

Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
High kickin' dandy, fine figure fine cut a fine figure fine oh yeah ;
Long legged candy, fine figure fine cut a fine figure fine oh yeah ;
Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque
Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque

 

[LeiZaK]

Some song from Green Day's 'Kerplunk':

And I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive them staples deep

 

[hypn0tik]

The most meaningful lyrics in ALL of music come from the song:

Get Low - Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz.

You can't get more meaningful than 'Skeet skeet skeet' and 'WHAT?' 'OK!' 'YEAH!'

 

[cKGunslinger]

BHG, FTW!

Bloodhound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying (excerpt)

...

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.

...

 

...
walk right in your house when you're havin supper
and dip his nuts in your soup
BALOOOP
...

...
What is a juggalo?
A dead body
Well, he ain't really dead, but he ain't like
Anybody that you've ever met before
He'll eat monopoly and shit out connect four
...

 

[Journer]

AWWW SKEET SKEET SKEET

- lil john and the eastside boys...

i HATE that fuggin ricer song...but it is fun to yell the words at ppl

 

[mordantmonkey]

moldy peaches steak for chicken

two parts sang together, the differences of second part are in ()

Mardi Gras came and went
All my money has been spent
How am I gonna pay the rent?
Sitting on your face (sitting on my ass)
Who mistook the steak for chicken?
Who am I gonna stick my dick in?
We're not those kids, sitting on the couch.
My former life, I was a high roller (my former life, I had a sister.)
Walked around in a diamond stroller ( i abused her and I dissed her)
Found my calling as a part-time bowler (she got swept up in a twister)
Traded my wife in for a new three holer ( first I laughed and then I missed her)
Who mistook these baths for showers?
Who fvcked up that leaning tower?
We're not those kids, sitting on the couch.
Oh get on a greyhound and ride away
Live on birthday cake each day (different dreams than yesterday)
Tell your grandparents that they're gay (tell your grandma, you're okay)
Steal their money and run away (kiss her cheek and run away)
Cuz me and my friends are so smart
We invented this new kind of art: (we invented this new kind of dart
Post-Modernest Throwing Darts (Hit A Bulls-eye, cut a fart)
Smoking crack and cutting...crack
Who mistook this crap for genius? (Who is dancing on the ceiling?)
Who is gonna stroke my penis? (Who is gonna hurt my feelings?)
We're not those kids, sitting on the couch.
Oh people are shiny like a brand new book (even your mother is a crook)
But if you get a closer look (but if I get a closer look)
There's sh!t on every hand you shook (there's sh!t on every road you took)
If you don't believe me, look at your hand (if you don't believe me, read the book)
Who made all these things for killing? (somebody's making a killing)
Who's pvssy hole needs filling? (Who's empty heart needs filling?)
We're not those kids, sitting on the couch.
Who mistook the steak for chicken?
(Who am I gonna stick my dick in?)
We're not those kids, sitting on the couch.

 

[Insomniak]

Bloodhound Gang is definitely the king of witty, biting, juvenile (but surprisingly deep) lyrics.

My offering for this thread would be "Suburbia" by Butch Walker:


Oh! Well, remember the guy who was a football star?
He had it made with the ladies but he never got far.
Five years past, now he's gotten kind of fat,
working eight days a week at the Laundromat.
With his Momma and his Daddy breathing down his neck,
about everything he does so much it makes him sick.
So he sits home alone, with the game on TV,
as the crowd goes wild he says, "That coulda been me!"

Just another day in Suburbia, it's a beautiful day in Suburbia.
Best not let it get the best of you.
Is it everything you thought it would be?

Remember playing games at the rich kid's home?
His Dad owned a bank, while his mom was alone.
Everyday with the mailman, the trash man, lawn guy...
Kid didn't look a damn thing like his Dad (I knew why)
He grew up got a job making eighty grand a year
Had a wife and kid, all the guys call a queer
But his dad never knew, he was too blind to see
he said, "Guess it kinda ran in the family".

Just another day in Suburbia, it's a beautiful day in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
Is it everything you thought it would be?

Remember the girl down the street with the kids
That used to come outside, but she never did?
(why?) 'Cause she was trying to hide the bruises where her old man beat her,
'cause he hit her in the face with an old space heater. (ow!)
and he came home drunk and tried to force sex on her
But he didn't see a 44 stuffed in the covers
So she waited 'til he came, he lie there naked
Before she blew his head off, she told him she'd been faking
all along, so long for everything you done wrong
Here's a bullet, go to hell, 'cause its where you belong!

Just another day in Suburbia, it's a beautiful day in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
Is it everything you thought it would be?
Just another day in Suburbia, Yeah, this is how we're living in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
Is it everything you want it to be?

No one understands it, no one comprehends it
Guess you had to be there, from the outside looking in.
So I put my Outkast record on,
turn up the volume 'cause I'm all alone and scream away.

Remember the cutest couple in the world
Ya know he was the punk and she was Daddy's little girl.
and graduation came and she wanted him to stay
he had bigger better dreams waiting out in L.A.
She cried and he cried as the plane flew away
She never, ever, wanted it to end this way.
Two years later she reads in the news,
he'd gone on to be a big star but nobody knew.
'cause he changed up his name but his heart stayed the same,
'cause every song he wrote, was about her, he claimed.
he never got to tell her 'cause he died that year,
from all of the coke, and the pills, and the beer,
and the whole world cried, but just for one day
'cause sooner or later, the pain goes away.

Just another day in Suburbia, it's a beautiful day in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
Is it everything you thought it would be?
Just another day in Suburbia, Yeah, this is how we're living in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
Is it everything you want it to be?

Just another day

 

[Demon-Xanth]

Bloodhound Gang's "Right Turn Clyde"
Wife beater perfectly fitting apparel
Where?s your brother daryl? where?s your other brother daryl?
Givin? me that macho man randy savage stare
Wanna snap into a slim jim break my limbs but do I care?
No sorry I?m a lover not a fighter commit your crime
I?ll be glad to do your girlfriend, I?ll be glad that you do time
Here?s the deal I cop a feel you cop a plea but get the maximum
Now we both got records but the difference is mine?s platinum
Definitely showed this yellow bellied wimp limp in your cell now though alone
When you?re choking your chicken your chick will be choking on this chicken?s bone

 

[Mrvile]

Tenacious D.

Look them up.

 

[azazyel]

System of a down CIGARO half the funny is in the presentation though*


My c*ck is much bigger than yours,
My c*ck can walk right through the door
With a feeling so pure..
It's got you screaming back for more.

Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR
Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR

My sh!t stinks much better than yours,
My sh!t stinks right down through the floor.
With a feeling so pure,
It's got you coming back for more.

Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR
Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR
Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR
Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR

Can't you see that I love my c*ck?
Can't you see that you love my c*ck?
Can't you see that we love my c*ck?

We're the regulators that de-regulate
We're the animators that de-animate
We're the propagators of all genocide
Burning through the world's resources, then we turn and hide

Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR
Cool, in denial
We're the cruel regulators smoking
CIGARO CIGARO CIGAR

 

[NTB]

Bllinded by the Light from Bruce Springsteen, of all people:

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a Deuce
Another runner in the night
[repeat to fade]

Madman drummers bummers Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way in to his hat
With a boulder on my shoulder feeling kinda' older I tripped the merry go round
With this very unpleasing sneezing and wheezing the calliope crashed to the
ground

The calliope crashed to the ground and she was blinded by the light,
revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a Deuce
Another runner in the night
[repeat to fade]

Some silicone sister with her manager mister told me I got what it takes
She said I'll turn you on sonny to something strong play the song with the
funky break
And go kart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart see if it was safe outside
And little Early Pearly came by in his curly wurly and asked me if I needed a
ride

The calliope crashed to the ground
And she was blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night

Blinded by the light
She got down but she never got tight
She's gonna make it through the night
She's gonna make it through the night

Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun, but mama
That's where the fun is

Some brimstone baritone anti cyclone rolling stone preacher from the east
Says Dethrone the Dictaphone hit it in his funny bone and that's where they
expect it least
And some new mown chaperone was standing in
The corner watching the young girls dance
And some fresh sewn moonstone was messing with his frozen zone reminding him of
romance

The calliope crashed to the ground
And she was blinded by the light
revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a Deuce
Another runner in the night
[repeat to fade]

Scott with a slingshot finally found a tender spot and throws his lover in the
sand
and some bloodshot forget me not his daddy's within earshot save the buckshot
turn up the band.

She got down but she never got tight she's gonna' make it through the night.

 

[zerocool1]

and special fred made me special too
and now I laugh as I count bugs
I give strangers great big hugs
next to me, fred is fine he's a fvckin Einstein


Special Fred- Steven Lynch