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Funny drunk joke


Diamond Member
Feb 1, 2001
I stuck this joke into a new post because it was too long to fit the spirit of the 'a guy walks into a bar' thread. But that thread reminded me of this funny joke I heard long ago.

A young newlywed business man decides he's going to go out to the bar with his business partners after work (as was becoming too much of a habit much to his new wife's dismay) but he promises his wife he'll be home by midnight, and not a minute later and that he won't get drunk this time. His wife obviously does not believe him but knows that it is pointless to argue so she begrudgingly says "Fine. Do what you want." The young man thanks her and promises up and down she doesn't need to wait up for him and he won't be late and that he'll be good. But the hours fly by all too fast and the drinks go down all too easy. He is very drunk and before he knows it, 12:00 has passed and he hasn't even glanced at his watch.

By the time he looks at his watch, it's nearing 1:00 AM. "OH CRAP!" He exclaims. It was 12:45. But he had a plan. If he could make it home before the cuckoo clock on the wall at home chimed 1:00 AM, maybe he could sneak into bed quietly without waking his wife and she'd be none the wiser. So he slaps some money on the bar to cover his tab and bolts for the door. He makes it in the front door of his home right at 12:59 and begins creeping as silently but as quickly as he can up toward the bedroom. But he was too late. The clock struck 1:00 and the cuckoo bird popped out and happily chirped one single, annoyingly loud "CUCKOO!" Thinking quickly, he decided he would himself mimick the cuckoo clock using his own voice to make 11 more "cuckoo" sounds. After doing so, he pats himself on the back for his quick thinking and proceeds to sneak up the stairs and quietly slips into bed next to his sleeping wife.

The next morning he comes downstairs, feeling nauseous with his head pounding but trying his best not to let on to his wife that he feels like crap. She is happily already down in the kitchen preparing a breakfast of pancakes and sausage. "Excellent," he thinks to himself. "I pulled it off without a hitch." And so he and his wife sit down to enjoy their breakfast before its off to work again. All is going well and then she casually inquires, "So what time did you get home last night? I got too sleepy to wait up so I went to bed around 10." To which the man replies, "I got home by 12:00 on the dot just like I promised you I would, sweetie. Why do you ask? Surely you must have heard the cuckoo clock chime 12 right before I got in bed, didn't you?"

"Ah yes, that's right. I remember," she replies. "Which also reminds me of another thing."

"What's that, dear?"

"Well, I think we need a new cuckoo clock."

"Why do you say that?" he asks nervously wiping a drop of syrup from his chin.

As she casually hands him 2 aspirin and a glass of water she explains, "Well last night ours cuckooed once, said 'oh fvck', cuckooed 5 more times hiccuped, cuckooed 3 more times, belched, giggled, cuckooed 3 more times and then farted."