1. Constipated People Don't Give A crap
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
3. If You Drink Don't Park - Accidents Cause People
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
11. If At First You Don't Succeed, blame Someone Else. And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
14. Horn Broken . . Watch For Finger
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God . . Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me; I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
34. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
35. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
36. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. . . [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
37. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph, Are Also Timed For 70 mph
38. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
39. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba the Hut?
40. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One
41. Axe Me 'bout Ebonics
42. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
43. Boldly Going Nowhere
44. Cat: The Other White Meat
45. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
46. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
47. Heart Attacks . . . God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
48. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
49. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
50. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
51. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
52. Saw It . . . Wanted It . . . Had A Fit . . . Got It!
53. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
54. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN
55. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
56. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
57. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
58. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
59. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore
60. So you're a feminist . . . Isn't that precious?
61. I need someone really bad . . Are you really bad?
62. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
3. If You Drink Don't Park - Accidents Cause People
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
11. If At First You Don't Succeed, blame Someone Else. And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
14. Horn Broken . . Watch For Finger
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God . . Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me; I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
34. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
35. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
36. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. . . [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
37. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph, Are Also Timed For 70 mph
38. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
39. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba the Hut?
40. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One
41. Axe Me 'bout Ebonics
42. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
43. Boldly Going Nowhere
44. Cat: The Other White Meat
45. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
46. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
47. Heart Attacks . . . God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
48. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
49. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
50. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
51. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
52. Saw It . . . Wanted It . . . Had A Fit . . . Got It!
53. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
54. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN
55. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
56. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
57. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
58. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
59. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore
60. So you're a feminist . . . Isn't that precious?
61. I need someone really bad . . Are you really bad?
62. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
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