• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

Funny Away Messages

I am:
a) At work.
b) Sleeping.
c) Dead
Choose one.

I am stuck in a tree.

Man I love sleepin'! Sometimes I wake up early, just to go back to sleep again!

Whoa! It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
 
For some odd reason I find this one funny "Be back soon, I hope..." - my friend uses it only when he's dropping a load.
 
for a sleeping away message, I use "I'm under the sheets hiding from tomorrow"

random away message: /me hums "Hold me close, I'm Tony Danza!
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
I had a better day today"
 
Alcohol kills 5 times more people than ALL the ILLEGAL drugs COMBINED.... Now u deicide what is worse? Alcohol or weed?

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life

"Doing stuff is overrated. Hitler did a lot of stuff, but don't you wish he would have just sat at home and gotten stoned instead?"

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
- Henny Youngman


?Think of how stupid the average person is. Then realize that half of them are stupider than that!"
--George Carlin

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, your are craving a philly sub and steak fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps' shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke-yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now.
 
My personal favorte from my repetoir:

"Those who live by the sword,
get shot by those who don't"
 
Originally posted by: FFMCobalt
for a sleeping away message, I use "I'm under the sheets hiding from tomorrow"

random away message: /me hums "Hold me close, I'm Tony Danza!
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
I had a better day today"
Click to expand...

OMG TONY DANZA... hysterical! :laugh:
 
Originally posted by: Anubis
Alcohol kills 5 times more people than ALL the ILLEGAL drugs COMBINED.... Now u deicide what is worse? Alcohol or weed?

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life

"Doing stuff is overrated. Hitler did a lot of stuff, but don't you wish he would have just sat at home and gotten stoned instead?"

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
- Henny Youngman


?Think of how stupid the average person is. Then realize that half of them are stupider than that!"
--George Carlin

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, your are craving a philly sub and steak fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps' shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke-yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now.
Click to expand...

Lol, these are great!
 
[edit]found on bash.org:[/edit]

Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.
 
Originally posted by: iotone
Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.
Click to expand...

I found a variation of that, I was gonna post it until I saw yours, but Ill post it anyway.

Today I salute you Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun college life you are reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, get Buddy Info or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to... borderline stalking I'd say. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change. Oh and don't try to formulate any clever rebuttals about this because no matter how you look at it, you got called out.
 
im out like muhammed ali in a game of jenga.

im off like a prom dress.

up and vanished like a fart in the wind.*

*go shawshank!
 
'default funny away message'

<insert witty away message here>

sleeping like i've been doin it for years

edit:

<html> is a good one too, makes em think something is broken. at least the non-computer literate people.
 
Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
If you were homework, I'd be doing you on my desk.
Click to expand...

One of my friends uses that one, but it's "If you were homework, you would be hard and I weould be doing you on my desk for hours."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top