SCOTT
Alright, I guess we should taste each
other's chili, huh?
CARTMAN
Huh, this chili looks pretty good.
Weh, here's mine.
SCOTT
Mmm. Ah, I don't know. Your chili is
pretty good, Cartman, but I think mine
is better. Try it.
CARTMAN
Alright. Hey, this is great!
SCOTT
Eh, it's a special recipe
CARTMAN
Gawh, this is really good, Scott!
SCOTT
I'm glad you like it so much, because
now that you're almost finished, I have
some'in' to tell you.
CARTMAN
What? You mean about how you put pubes
in your chili?
SCOTT
What?!
CARTMAN
Yehes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili,
Scott. I switched it with Chef's. It's
delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on
that. What I did plan on, however, was
that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would
betray me and warn you that the Chili
Con Carnival was a trap. I assumed
that they would tell you that I had
trained Denkins' pony to bite off your
weiner. What they didn't tell you was
that Denkins is a crazy redneck who
shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing
that you would try and do somethng to
the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that
violent pony killers were in the area.
I also know that you wouldn't go yourself,
for fear of having your weiner bitten
off. You would most likely send your
parents. And, I'm afraid that when
Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property,
he shot and killed both your parents.
MR. DENKINS
Well, they was trespassin' and I was
protectin' myself. I, I have my rights.
SCOTT
My... mom and dad are... dead?
CARTMAN
I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins
giving his report to Officer Barbrady.
And of course, to steal the bodies...
After a night with the hacksaw, I was
all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival,
so that I could tell you personally
about your parents' demise! And of course,
feed you your chili. Do you like it?
Do you like it, Scott? I call it, "Mr.
& Mrs. Tenorman Chili."
SCOTT
Oh my God! Oh my God!!
CARTMAN
Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah! I made
you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyah
nyah nyah!
STAN
Jesus Christ, dude!
SCOTT
My mom and dad are dead! No! NOOO!!
THOM
Uhm, excuse me?
STAN
Who are you?
JOHNNY
We're that band, Radiohead.
SCOTT
Jesus!
ED
Jeez, what a li'l crybaby!
COLIN
Are you gonna cry all day, crybaby??
THOM
You know, everyone has problems; it
doesn't mean you have to be a little
crybaby about it.
ED
Come om, guys, let's go. This kid is
totally not cool.
THOM
Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've
ever met.
PHIL
Little crybaby!
SCOTT
No, wait! Waaiittt!! Oh my God, Oh
my Gaawwwd!! Noooo!
CARTMAN
Yes! Yesss!! Oh, let me taste your
tears, Scott! Mm, your tears are so
yummy and sweet.
KYLE
Dude, I think it might be best for us
to never piss Cartman off again.
STAN
Good call.
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