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Funniest math joke EVAR

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Two (male) mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician says that most people don't know mathematics, they never did, and they never will. The second mathematician says that the "man on the street" (these are male mathematicians, bear in mind) knows more mathematics than one might suspect.
The first mathematician goes to the restroom. Meanwhile, the second mathematician notices this beautiful blond waitress across the bar. She's gorgeous and built, perfect for his plan. He calls her over and says:

"There's a really big tip in it for you if you help me play a joke on my friend. I'm going to ask you a question and you just have to answer `one-third x3'."

"One Thir Dex Cubd?" she responds.

That's right, says the second mathematician, and she walks off muttering "one thir dex cubd" under her breath.

The first mathematician returns from the restroom. The second mathematician says:

"In light of our previous conversation, I propose the following wager. See that waitress over there?"

"The gorgeous built blond one?"

"Yes, that's right. I'll bet you the next round of drinks that she can answer a basic calculus question."

"Her? No way. You're on."

The second mathematician calls to the waitress, and when she arrives he asks her to tell him the integral of x2.

"One-third x3" she replies.

And as the first mathematician is paying up, she calls back over her shoulder,

"Plus a constant of integration."
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
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A mathematics professor is committed into an insane asylum. He approaches a fellow inmate and yells: "I will differentiate you!" The inmate screams and huddles on the floor.
He then walks up to a woman making a basket. "I will differentiate you!" The woman faints dead away.

Finally, the professor walks up to another man. "I will differentiate you!" The man just smiles. The professor says, more loudly, "I WILL DIFFERENTIATE YOU!" The man's smile just gets wider, and shaking his head, he replies:

"e^x".
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There is an old Indian belief that by making love on the hide of your favorite animal hide, your child would be born healthy. And so, one couple make love on a buffalo hide, and they were blessed with a bouncing baby boy. Another couple did the deed on a deer hide, and they too had a healthy child. One couple, however, made love on a hippopotamus, and they were blessed with twins. Which just goes to show; the sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
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There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three Kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires. All were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food.

The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.

At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight instead (as this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in they decided). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

THUS ... it was proved ... that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
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Q. How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 1, he gives the lightbulb to 3 engineers, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved joke.
 
There is an old Indian belief that by making love on the hide of your favorite animal hide, your child would be born healthy. And so, one couple make love on a buffalo hide, and they were blessed with a bouncing baby boy. Another couple did the deed on a deer hide, and they too had a healthy child. One couple, however, made love on a hippopotamus, and they were blessed with twins. Which just goes to show; the sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Click to expand...

Absolute worst of thread.

You're fired, dude.
 
This is the biggest, hugest, largest nerd-joke in the entire universe. If the universe is truly infinite, this joke is infinitely lame.

You get a zero.
 
Originally posted by: JayHu
Originally posted by: MazerRackham
LOL, I liked that... maybe I can find/think up some chemistry jokes?
Click to expand...

A proton walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender says "Are you sure?". The proton replies "I'm Positive".

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much it costs for a pint. The bartender says "For you, no charge!"

Those are my favourite chem ones 🙂
Click to expand...

Then an electron walks into the bar, and when asked if he thought the joke was funny, the electron replies "that's a negative".

 
The d/dy joke only works if x isn't a function of y. Not to funny either.

I always though this was the funniest math joke (a bit childish though):

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

(Sound it out).
 
Originally posted by: dullard
The d/dy joke only works if x isn't a function of y. Not to funny either.

I always though this was the funniest math joke (a bit childish though):

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

(Sound it out).
Click to expand...

funny in a cheesy kind of way 😀
 
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