Friend sent me this in a email.
Enjoy!
Ever Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back
out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he
knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
Pad, please.....
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our
mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts
and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I
told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back
and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
Ho, Ho, Ho.....
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he
made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and
took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made
and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later,
a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and
suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo
and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a
camera!
Name W! ithheld (go figure)
Lady Golfer.....
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with ,men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You.....
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold
a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Na-na na-na na-nah.....
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last ! night!"
The Silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
Priceless.....
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back
over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Ask a child the same question too many times...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he
jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better by thanking me for The best laugh they'd ever
had!
AND FINALLY........
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a VERY embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you
predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Enjoy!
Ever Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back
out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he
knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
Pad, please.....
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our
mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts
and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I
told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back
and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
Ho, Ho, Ho.....
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he
made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and
took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made
and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later,
a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and
suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo
and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a
camera!
Name W! ithheld (go figure)
Lady Golfer.....
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with ,men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You.....
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold
a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Na-na na-na na-nah.....
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last ! night!"
The Silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
Priceless.....
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back
over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Ask a child the same question too many times...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he
jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better by thanking me for The best laugh they'd ever
had!
AND FINALLY........
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a VERY embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you
predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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