Fundamental choice to be made in my life.

[Alphathree33]

Ever since I graduated from college, I've really, really struggled with being alone a lot.

Now before you go giving me a list of "quick tips" like "just be happy" or "go have fun", here are a list of things I have tried, in no particular order:

- moving to a new city
- changing apartments
- changing jobs
- swimming
- badminton
- volunteering
- starting a business
- ice skating
- cooking/working out
- social dancing

OK, that's just off the top of my head. There's probably more.

Oh yeah:

- making lists of friends to see/talk to and then following-up
- going to parties/events
- etc.

I feel like having any sort of a community is like pushing a rope, yet when I was in college I had a community without even trying. I had more friends than I could possibly count. I could meet people in an instant.

I even moved back to my college town and still hang around campus, but it's obviously not the same as it used to be.

When I get home from work and the sun goes down, I basically feel like killing myself. The feeling goes away by morning but it's really making me dread going home from work, since work is the only steady community that I have.

Now I do have a girlfriend and she's AWESOME but she's an hour's drive away, so I only see her on weekends. (I moved to be closer to my old girlfriend and ended up breaking up with her to be with this girl who is farther away... )

So as I see it, I have two fundamental choices:

1) Keep trying to build my own community of friends even though everyone has moved to different cities and a lot of people are married/very busy/etc. and really don't have time to be friends like I used to have in college

2) Learn, somehow, to get used to being alone all the time. It's really depressing to even think about getting used to this, as I've tried to do that for 1.5 years and made no progress. But maybe some kind of meditation will help? Perhaps I need to become a stronger person.

That said, I can't imagine any life in which I am somehow happy just being alone all the time, no matter what Zen philosophy might say. Maybe I need to experience it to understand it.

I've actually thought about going back to college as I can't really think of any other way to get myself out of this other than just getting married.

 

[her209]

Welcome to life?

 

[xSauronx]

sounds like youre screwed. start drinking

but do it at a bar, with people.

 

[Alphathree33]

Originally posted by: her209
Welcome to life?

Thanks... that's perspective. If this is what it's like for everybody, then that's cool. At least I know I'm not alone in that respect.

Again, I have no idea if this is normal or abnormal experience.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

Get a WoW subscription

 

[Alphathree33]

Originally posted by: tenshodo13
Get a WoW subscription

Oh, I've done that.

And played Starcraft, EVE Online, LOTRO, Anarchy Online, Call of Duty, that other MMORPG that I can't think of right now, etc.

Computer games just make it worse, so I stopped that in favor of getting out of the house if at all possible.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Originally posted by: her209
Welcome to life?

Thanks... that's perspective. If this is what it's like for everybody, then that's cool. At least I know I'm not alone in that respect.

Again, I have no idea if this is normal or abnormal experience.

People change, move, get married, etc. That's life man.

 

[sniperruff]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Originally posted by: her209
Welcome to life?

Thanks... that's perspective. If this is what it's like for everybody, then that's cool. At least I know I'm not alone in that respect.

Again, I have no idea if this is normal or abnormal experience.

People change, move, get married, etc. That's life man.

to be precise, that's what happens when you get older.

 

[Alphathree33]

You know what would be awesome on Anandtech? Something like they have on slashdot where only the useful replies bubble to the surface. Meta-moderation and all of that.

Because basically any time anyone posts anything, there's always some guy who is just sitting there waiting to leap on your post with a one-liner to make you feel bad about your post.

Maybe I should add that to my list of things to try: lurk on Anandtech and post meaningless replies to every new thread to make people feel bad until I'm a lifer like her209.

 

[Alphathree33]

Originally posted by: sniperruff

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Originally posted by: her209
Welcome to life?

Thanks... that's perspective. If this is what it's like for everybody, then that's cool. At least I know I'm not alone in that respect.

Again, I have no idea if this is normal or abnormal experience.

People change, move, get married, etc. That's life man.

to be precise, that's what happens when you get older.

So would you say it's normal experience to essentially be alone a lot and feel quite depressed as you get older?

I mean I accept that people change and move on... that's not really the question here.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
Maybe I should add that to my list of things to try: lurk on Anandtech and post meaningless replies to every new thread to make people feel bad until I'm a lifer like her209.

Welcome to ATOT?

 

[Alphathree33]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
Maybe I should add that to my list of things to try: lurk on Anandtech and post meaningless replies to every new thread to make people feel bad until I'm a lifer like her209.

Welcome to ATOT?

See the funny thing is, we're just two human beings sitting at two computers god knows how far apart, but somehow because you're behind your monitor and keyboard you think that makes it OK to be an asshole.

I *know* every time I post here that people like you will come out of the woodwork and try to annoy me.

And I tell myself every time it happens that I'm just going to ignore it and hope that the helpful people will say something.

But it is really kind of sad that you ruin the experience here for everyone.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
Maybe I should add that to my list of things to try: lurk on Anandtech and post meaningless replies to every new thread to make people feel bad until I'm a lifer like her209.

Welcome to ATOT?

zing

pick up a college course youre interested in? you dont have to go full time, but pick up a night class, nothing thats going to be incredibly dull

 

[middlehead]

I've come to the conclusion that everyone I know is a goddamn flake. I know that doesn't help you, but it's not like it helps me either, does it?

 

[DangerAardvark]

Xanax. I treasure my alone time, so I can't empathize in the least.

 

[JakwoW]

hard to know what to tell you man. i have gone through phases where i was waaaaay lonely, but i'm completely past that now. i do have a lot of friends that i see quite often, but they are all moving on and getting married, having kids, etc. i'm just not ready for that.

i guess i'm exactly the opposite of where you are right now. i went through a rough breakup that i felt for a solid year +. seven close family members and friends died within a year. i was depressed as fuck. then one day i realized that i was happy. hang in there dude. you don't necessarily have to hunt to find happiness. i don't want to sound cliche, but once you are comfortable with hanging by yourself for a day or two straight, you'll start to notice that you may actually like it. it's to the point now that sometimes i will refuse offers to hang out just so i can chill by myself. once you get there, it just makes social time all the better.

someone mentioned drinking before - you don't have to do it socially, but if you're in a real bad place then don't drink alone so much that you get suicidal tendencies. if you are a friend of the green, you'll definitely learn to laugh more at life.

everyone's different, but i think it's something that everyone must come to at some point in their life. idk much, but i do know how you feel and i hope someday you have the oh-shit moment of realizing that even all the bad shit is part of life and makes it that much sweeter.

 

[SirStev0]

Originally posted by: xSauronx
sounds like youre screwed. start drinking

but do it at a bar, with people.

alone is better actually.

 

[blinky8225]

Time to get married and have kids? That should keep you busy.

 

[sjwaste]

Want to burn up those evenings? Go to law school, evening program.

After the first year you'll wish you could just go home after work, drink 6 beers on the couch, and watch movies. Seriously, getting another degree wouldn't hurt.

Moving back to the old college town, well, that's no good. It'll never be the same, because it's not about the place, its about the people. I learned that the summer after college when we went back to move our stuff out of our apt, and later the next year when I visited some friends who were a year younger.

 

[sniperruff]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Originally posted by: sniperruff

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Originally posted by: her209
Welcome to life?

Thanks... that's perspective. If this is what it's like for everybody, then that's cool. At least I know I'm not alone in that respect.

Again, I have no idea if this is normal or abnormal experience.

People change, move, get married, etc. That's life man.

to be precise, that's what happens when you get older.

So would you say it's normal experience to essentially be alone a lot and feel quite depressed as you get older?

I mean I accept that people change and move on... that's not really the question here.

well, think about it, eventually you'll get married, have kids, etc. and who would be in charge to begin all that? you and you alone. not your buddy, not your co-worker, not your high school classmates. eventually, you'll have your own social circle called your own family.

 

[Flammable]

get a job

 

[skim milk]

you moved back to your old college town and you still feel alone?

I always thought what it would've been like to not move so far away for my job and be within one hour distance from my college town. I see fun events going on all the time and I would have things to do and use that social base to meet new people easily, is it really different?
Be glad you have a girlfriend to spend your weekends with. I work, go home and spend the majority of time alone. Being in a new city sucks, but I realize this is something I have to deal with

 

[newnameman]

You fail at life.

 

[redgtxdi]

#1.) Die to self

#2.) Get married & have kids


And, no, I'm not kidding!!


Once you've given up on the *you* part, your world will open up! In fact, I think #1 can easily lead to #2 given that the real you is now inside-out! I don't like the idea of "get married just to get married!" Get married when you're READY to get married!!

But, by all means..........give it all up & go for it!!

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: blinky8225
Time to get married and have kids? That should keep you busy.

I'd recommend having random casual sex with some skanks from Craigslist instead.

Who knows... it might help!

<-- Wonders why he doesn't take his own advice more often