Friends and Family Quote thread

[maziwanka]

only post quotes that you have heard from a friend or family member (post context too if you wish),

ill start,

"whadda i doo if she asks me to daance?" (in an indian accent).

ps. im trying to start something to keep me occupied till the end of the work day.

 

[NathanBWF]

Originally posted by: maziwanka


ps. im trying to start something to keep me occupied till the end of the work day.

So then why don't you try...working...?

 

[ivol07]

Sister:

Get out of here with that camera...I'm in the shower.

 

[maziwanka]

nothing to do now. new project tomorrow.

 

[conjur]

Sister to her son at a birthday party:

"Give me back that axe!"

 

[AreaCode707]

My mom, after having been to a photographer earlier, trying to get everybody out of the house (I have three younger siblings) as she walks by a mirror:

"And make sure Alicia gets her sandwich out of the kitchen, Miriam's shoes are in the hallway, lock the dog up before we leave, grab Rachel's books for me, and I have makeup on!"

Needless to say, she doesn't wear makeup often. Another favorite line was when she and I were talking in the car.

Mom: "I just don't have any *time* to think!"
Me: "I think you think more than you know."

 

[maziwanka]

hahaha...nice

 

[ScoobMaster]

ME (to my wife at a mall around xmas-time ):

"Wow honey, check out THAT chest" (referring to a 3-foot high jewelry chest)

MY WIFE: (looking around)

"where...... who do you mean.... I don't see her"

ME & MY FRIEND RICH: LOL & LMBO

 

[crisp82]

"Don't you make me stop this car"
"right, thats it, you're for it"

 

[ivol07]

Okay, serious one now.

This is something that I read tho.

A mother and her 3 year old son are in a crowded super market and the little boy wants to race his mother down the aisle. His mother agrees and they start to race. Well, the mother starts to get ahead of the kid and he yells out at the top of his lungs "MOMMY DON'T BEAT ME". I guess people all over the store heard him say this and didn't know that he was refering to the race....just that she was gonna beat him.

I thought that was funny.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: ivol07
Okay, serious one now.

This is something that I read tho.

A mother and her 3 year old son are in a crowded super market and the little boy wants to race his mother down the aisle. His mother agrees and they start to race. Well, the mother starts to get ahead of the kid and he yells out at the top of his lungs "MOMMY DON'T BEAT ME". I guess people all over the store heard him say this and didn't know that he was refering to the race....just that she was gonna beat him.

I thought that was funny.

heh...reminds me of one time my oldest (when she was about 3 or 4) wouldn't obey me in the grocery. I would normally tell her I'm going to count to 3 and you had better be here but instead I said sternly, "I'm going to count to 2!". A woman a few feet away who'd come into the aisle as I was talking to my daughter said to me when I turned, "Wow...you're strict!" with a big smile on her face. heh heh

 

[Mr N8]

My wife like to mix the first letters of words up in a phrase. (The fits gonna hit the shan) Anyway, we are in McD's, and she can't get anything out of her shake. She pulls the straw out, and says, "Ahh, my braw stroke!"

A friend and I went into the cafeteria in college, and sat down by the window. He sits down, and immediately jumps up and yells, "This steat is semen!" Of course when he realized what he said, he turned bright red and started making excused for what he said.

 

[Bryophyte]

My 3 year old daughter called my 7 year old son "my trusty sidekick." WTF? hehe

She also went through a phase earlier this year where she cussed a lot. Should've seen the reaction of these little old ladies at Fred Meyer when she said "GODDAMNIT!!!" after dropping a toy from the cart. hehe

She's a delicate f'ing flower.

 

[Aharami]

On line at White Castle:

Friend to employee: I'll have the 10 pack
employee: with cheese?
friend: huh?
employee: would u like to make that a cheeseburger?
friend (not kidding at all and in a think indian accent): u know, why do u guys call it a cheeseburger? why not a cheesehamburger? it is a hamburger with cheese. everytime u say cheeseburger I think i wont get any meat with it and that its just going to be melted cheese on a bread.
employee (confused and shocked): so whats it gonna be?
friend: (disgusted) ah I guess just a hamburger

me and my other friend were LOAO by this point

 

[MercenaryForHire]

My brother: Man, it's really dark when there's no light.

- M4H

 

[SWScorch]

my collection of quotes

 

[QueBert]

Cousin (talkin to somebody about me, about the females I like): "He's got sugar in his tank"
them: "no way"
me: "umm what! you just told them that I like men"
cousin: "I did *scratch scratch* oh... he has brown sugar in his tank!"

(I like females of color ha)

it might not sound funny, maybe it wasn't even. but at the time it was a pretty good one.

 

[Kaervak]

Originally posted by: SWScorch
my collection of quotes

Me: "Hey, does Grande's have chicken riggies?"
Constable: "Chickens with hats!!"
Baldwin: "He said 'riggies,' not 'reggae,' you goofy b@stard."

Holy christ that one is hilarious. I'm actually in tears from laughing.

 

[IEatChildren]

At work once (a hobby store), this kid was just hanging around. We called him Chicken boy cause he sounded like the krusty burger teen in Simpsons (Here's your chicken sir!)
UPS drops by for a delivery, this huge box, and the kid's in the way, and the driver's getting pissed off and kinda scared him.
When the driver leaves, I'm talking to the kid, and I ask him why he didn't just get out of the way.
The kid says "But he just kept coming in me"
And my boss says "Chicken boy, you're gonna have a lot of men coming in you"

We laughed out asses off. It was so spontaneous, i never saw it coming (pardon the pun).

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

my dad: "DEER"
*I slam on brakes
my dad: "oh, sorry, meant to say that quieter-there is a deer about 100 yards to the right"

 

[chrisms]

'You can wake up tomorrow morning and wonder why you're holding a broken bloody plate, or wake up wondering why you have a broken head.' -My friend Aaron, after a night on acid my other friend was contemplating breaking a bloody broken plate over his head.

 

[deerslayer]

John: "Shotgun!"
Josh: "Get in the back John"
John: "I wanna sit up front" (extremely whiny voice)
Josh: *laughing*
John: "I called shotgun" (extremely whiny voice)
Me: "Get in the damn car"
Josh/Me: *LOAO*

You pretty much had to be there, ever since then Josh immitates him whenever he starts whining about something. It's great.