friend who can't even hang out to have a beer at a bar anymore after getting married

[smackababy]

ITT: it is selfish to not accommodate that one couple who can't bother finding a sitter past a certain hour and refuses to be around fiends without kids, because there isn't a large circle jerk about how wonderful everyone's kids in the group are at art, and music, and not shitting themselves, and whatever else parents like to pretend their kids are good at.


I also suspect when someone says "I got married and had kids for a reason" in response to a thread about having zero friends after marriage, the reason is they didn't have any friends to begin with. At least, no friends who were willing to hang out with them.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

ITT: it is selfish to not accommodate that one couple who can't bother finding a sitter past a certain hour and refuses to be around fiends without kids, because there isn't a large circle jerk about how wonderful everyone's kids in the group are at art, and music, and not shitting themselves, and whatever else parents like to pretend their kids are good at.

I also suspect when someone says "I got married and had kids for a reason" in response to a thread about having zero friends after marriage, the reason is they didn't have any friends to begin with. At least, no friends who were willing to hang out with them.

:thumbsup:

They don't like hearing dog stories from childless couples but trust me, as a member of a chidless couple, I don't need to hear stories about how little Billy made poo poo in the potty the first time either.

 

[MrDudeMan]

ITT: it is selfish to not accommodate that one couple who can't bother finding a sitter past a certain hour and refuses to be around fiends without kids, because there isn't a large circle jerk about how wonderful everyone's kids in the group are at art, and music, and not shitting themselves, and whatever else parents like to pretend their kids are good at.


I also suspect when someone says "I got married and had kids for a reason" in response to a thread about having zero friends after marriage, the reason is they didn't have any friends to begin with. At least, no friends who were willing to hang out with them.

I clearly stated that the world doesn't revolve around my kids or anyone elses. You're very much confusing that issue. If you want to hang out with someone, you need to recognize that asking them to get a babysitter and rearrange their entire nightly routine isn't as easy as you think. Also, it's expensive. It's incredibly easy for you, the uncommitted fucktard (well, in your case anyway. the people I know who do this just aren't thinking, but still nice people) to do something at 7 instead of 9 and it removes a huge burden from me.

To your second point: No, it's because I was tired of what I considered pointless activities with people who were stuck in college. I go snowboarding every other weekend during the season with two friends. I also keep up with a few of my friends from college and probably once a week we do date night with other married people while the kids stay home. What I don't do is go sit at a bar or go to a concert with a bunch of high idiots anymore. Good try, though.

 

[MrDudeMan]

:thumbsup:

They don't like hearing dog stories from childless couples but trust me, as a member of a chidless couple, I don't need to hear stories about how little Billy made poo poo in the potty the first time either.

I already addressed this. Most people don't care if you care and this separation happens because parents don't give a shit about your dog and we know you don't give a shit about our kids. Trying to bridge the gap while pretending like it isn't a massive inconvenience for people with kids to meet your schedule is ignorant and selfish, like I said before. Just make the separation if you can't meet in the middle. I've successfully maintained several good friendships with people who understand this, so I know it's possible.

 

[MrPickins]

If you want to keep your wife happy, that is what you do.

Lets throw some sexism out there and stir the pot.

Women are very jealous. Going to a bar whether by yourself or with your wife, where other women are at, you might as well throw a truckload of insecurity into your marriage.

Man and wife arrive back home, you make the moves on her for sex, she starts talking about how she saw you looking at another woman. She starts with this, "You were looking at her, why dont you go back to the bar and have sex with her."

Then the fight is on. Yelling, screaming, throwing stuff.

Next thing you know you are sleeping in the garage or in the shed.

Women want security. They want to know her husband is not off with another woman.

You might as well burn your eyes out with battery acid than look at another woman.

Sounds like you've been in some pretty shitty relationships. (Not that I'm surprised given your posting history)

Just FYI, good relationships involve trust.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I already addressed this. Most people don't care if you care and this separation happens because parents don't give a shit about your dog and we know you don't give a shit about our kids. Trying to bridge the gap while pretending like it isn't a massive inconvenience for people with kids to meet your schedule is ignorant and selfish, like I said before. Just make the separation if you can't meet in the middle. I've successfully maintained several good friendships with people who understand this, so I know it's possible.

I think you're taking things way too personally. I see nothing wrong with saying "Hey Bob, a group of us is meeting at a XYZ pub/grill at 9 on Friday night. Would you like to come?" If Bob has kids, Bob can either say no or arrange a babysitter. It really isn't that serious or something you should get butthurt over. A lot of people have hurt feelings if they're not invited so it is best to make the effort IMO.

Fortunately, I don't have many friends with kids so it isn't something I have to deal with regularly. However, we used to have an annual New Years Eve party and I did invite at least one person with a child and told her that it was an adults-only party. She was a good friend and I did not want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her, but it wasn't appropriate for a child to attend the party. She couldn't make it but I guarantee she appreciated the invite. Sometimes people need a break from their kids and need some alone time and an invite from someone like me may be just the ticket.

As a contrast, another childless couple set of friends hosts an annual turkey fry and they invite this couple with a kid. The kid is a brat and his mom is even worse, constantly screaming at the kid to do x, y, or z. They apparently also had a NYE party and these same idiots would come and it got to the point where they dropped the NYE party just to avoid having to see those idiots rather than uninviting them. If it were me, I would've pulled the dad aside (he was friends with the couple) and politely told him to leave junior (and the wife! ) at home.

 

[Dari]

I don't like kids (except my son) so I don't hang out with parents, let alone with their kids. I'll be elsewhere when that day rolls around. That is why having friends who are single is sooooooooooooooo pivotal. They don't like going out alone and I'd much rather be with them than having to listen to some sex-starved mother talk and sing to her 4 year old like he's 1. Oh, and the fathers are even worse. They look soooooooo beaten. Want to know where they are? Look under the wife's skirt or follow the Trail of Tears.

 

[MrDudeMan]

I think you're taking things way too personally. I see nothing wrong with saying "Hey Bob, a group of us is meeting at a XYZ pub/grill at 9 on Friday night. Would you like to come?" If Bob has kids, Bob can either say no or arrange a babysitter. It really isn't that serious or something you should get butthurt over. A lot of people have hurt feelings if they're not invited so it is best to make the effort IMO.

You seem like a stand up guy, so I'm guessing you're a person who could maintain the friendship. However, I still disagree with what you're saying especially if it's something simple like dinner. If you just shifted the time, things would be a lot easier for Bob and it wouldn't cost you anything.

Fortunately, I don't have many friends with kids so it isn't something I have to deal with regularly. However, we used to have an annual New Years Eve party and I did invite at least one person with a child and told her that it was an adults-only party. She was a good friend and I did not want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her, but it wasn't appropriate for a child to attend the party. She couldn't make it but I guarantee she appreciated the invite. Sometimes people need a break from their kids and need some alone time and an invite from someone like me may be just the ticket.

I do understand and appreciate the invite. I didn't say that and I should have because I was focusing on the annoying part of it, so you're right on this part. I suppose the issue I was really addressing is people who know your schedule and routine much more intimately and still completely ignore the fact that you a) want to go and b) can't because of the time. I've had this happen with several people and it basically ended with a gradually increasing rift, albeit with no animosity.

As a contrast, another childless couple set of friends hosts an annual turkey fry and they invite this couple with a kid. The kid is a brat and his mom is even worse, constantly screaming at the kid to do x, y, or z. They apparently also had a NYE party and these same idiots would come and it got to the point where they dropped the NYE party just to avoid having to see those idiots rather than uninviting them. If it were me, I would've pulled the dad aside (he was friends with the couple) and politely told him to leave junior (and the wife! ) at home.

I can agree with you on this part. I very directly tell people who don't discipline their kids why I'm not inviting them. Maybe you're nicer than me with respect to this situation because I don't even bother trying. I don't want to have bad kids destroying my house, terrorizing my dog, and teaching my kids bad habits.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

**disclaimer I have not read the entire thread** Don't blame her its his fault for either not saying this is important to me and I am going or simply telling you he is no longer interested in this

 

[smackababy]

You seem like a stand up guy, so I'm guessing you're a person who could maintain the friendship. However, I still disagree with what you're saying especially if it's something simple like dinner. If you just shifted the time, things would be a lot easier for Bob and it wouldn't cost you anything.

I am selfish, because in setting up a get together, involving people other than yourself, I don't bend to your schedule, possibly ignoring the other (possibly multiple) attendees schedule? And, I have the audacity to invite you! Yeah, I'm the selfish one.

I do understand and appreciate the invite. I didn't say that and I should have because I was focusing on the annoying part of it, so you're right on this part. I suppose the issue I was really addressing is people who know your schedule and routine much more intimately and still completely ignore the fact that you a) want to go and b) can't because of the time. I've had this happen with several people and it basically ended with a gradually increasing rift, albeit with no animosity.

"Because people won't adhere to my strict schedule that I refuse to change, we can't be friends and they are annoying!" Get over it.

I can agree with you on this part. I very directly tell people who don't discipline their kids why I'm not inviting them. Maybe you're nicer than me with respect to this situation because I don't even bother trying. I don't want to have bad kids destroying my house, terrorizing my dog, and teaching my kids bad habits.

I agree with this 100% though. If you can't keep you kids from misbehaving, I will tell you (the parents) directly why they (the kids) aren't invited to my house or anywhere I am going. And, if you insist they be present, you aren't invited either.

 

[alkemyst]

Bad friend.

 

[alkemyst]

Almost every married friend's wife will tell me "Will you go do something with him so I can have some time to myself?".

/because California.

 

[alkemyst]

Sounds like you've been in some pretty shitty relationships. (Not that I'm surprised given your posting history)

Just FYI, good relationships involve trust.

I go into bars and profit when the guy that was hitting on my chick buys us both drinks.

If you don't get hit on, you are doing something wrong.

 

[Baasha]

Didn't know ATOT was a bunch of old farts. :whistle:

Marriage, kids.. bleh....

 

[Geekbabe]

Newsflash: some of us actually like being around our wives and consider them our best friend.

I like hanging out with my friends but if my wife and I finally have a chance to have a quiet evening to ourselves I'm taking that over friends 95% of the time.

Thank you for mention this!

My husband is free to go out anytime he likes, a wedding ring doesn't make me his jailer! He actually enjoys my company occasionally.

Also another truth of the matter? Guys will use the wife as an excuse tolturn down invites, it's easier to say " the wife doesn't want me to go" than it is to say " the last time we hung out I was hungover for 2 days"

 

[alkemyst]

Didn't know ATOT was a bunch of old farts. :whistle:

Marriage, kids.. bleh....

Your sig seals that so well

 

[Kushina]

I go into bars and profit when the guy that was hitting on my chick buys us both drinks.

If you don't get hit on, you are doing something wrong.

LOL idk why I didn't think of that

 

[Ronstang]

Once your married your priorities change, if they don't you shouldn't have gotten married. Hanging out in bars is pathetic and for young single people and losers. I haven't been to one in so long I forgot...and I'm not married.

 

[brianmanahan]

good thing i dont drink beer

or have a SO

wait :hmm:

 

[Triumph]

What friend with kids says: Sorry can't do anything with you, got this wife and kid.
What friend without kid hears, after the 15th time hearing that: You are unimportant to me.

Sure, wives and kids are important, but if you think that means you have an excuse to treat your friends like shit, well then you aren't a good friend and/or person. Or the friendship didn't mean that much to begin with, and all those years of being a friend were a farce.

 

[gorcorps]

...

Fortunately, I don't have many friends with kids so it isn't something I have to deal with regularly. However, we used to have an annual New Years Eve party and I did invite at least one person with a child and told her that it was an adults-only party. She was a good friend and I did not want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her, but it wasn't appropriate for a child to attend the party. She couldn't make it but I guarantee she appreciated the invite. Sometimes people need a break from their kids and need some alone time and an invite from someone like me may be just the ticket.

...

This is a big deal. Lots of people, and I would venture to say MOST people based on my friends, like to know if there's plans even if they can't make it most of the time. They don't want to be excluded from everything just because they have kids or something, so they appreciate hearing plans so THEY can make the decision of if they want to go or not instead of us deciding for them that they can't make it. It may not be common, but every once in a while the stars will align and they'll have some free time and actually want to go out. They would have missed it if we didn't bother telling them.

Anybody who considers an invite to something as a personal inconvenience is a GRADE A DOUCHEBAG. It won't take long before they're not invited to things, but it's not because of their schedule... it's because nobody likes them. Guess it's a win-win for everybody involved in that case.

 

[soulcougher73]

What i dont get about parents that i know is they have this huge network of other friends/parents they have play date with etc all the time. Yet when you want to invite them somewhere they always talk about babysitters etc. Fuck that. Why not rotate with your parent friends. You watch littly Billy tonight and next week when you guys would like to go for a night out ill watch little Suzie. And for free. No need to pay anyone. But no. They dont do that. They whine about paying babysitters etc when any smart person would do what i just suggested.

 

[sourceninja]

I'm a bit guilty of that as well... I will not invite some of my friends to stuff because I don't want them showing up with their kid (made the mistake of having a couple people over for pizza/beer when I was moving into my apartment and 80% of it was under construction... next think you know, my friends' toddler is running around in an area where I know there are nails and staples on the floor)

on the other hand, if the same friends send out a text seeing if anyone wants to hang out at their place for beer and poker on a Friday night after the kids are put to bed, that's a fine idea once in awhile.

Right, I go out to relax. I can't relax around children. They break stuff, they get into stuff, and their parents get upset when I act like myself around them. (Can you keep the cursing down, there are KIDS here!).

If they invite me, I expect children and I can decide if I want to deal with children. When I invite them I don't want children. If I did my wife and I would have children. In fact, if I don't explicitly say "bring the kids" that means no kids. Just like if I don't say "bring your wife" that means no wife! I hate guys who want to bring their girlfriend/wife to man outings almost as much.

When I call you and say "I've got 4 tickets to six flags, I'm taking my niece, bring your kid and let's go." I'm prepared for children. When I call you and say "Man, this week was stressful...you want to grab a cup of coffee and catch up?" That means I want adult conversation that's not interrupted every 5 minutes by a crazy person (toddler).

I'm understanding when my friends say no. I get that friends with kids might need notice, or might not be able to go. Just like I know my poor hipster friends can't come to my night out at a Ruth Chris. That doesn't mean I won't email everyone saying "Drinks and dinner at Chris's tonight, who's coming?"

They can say no just like I say no when I'm invited to that horrible dive bar downtown.

 

[JEDIYoda]

Has anyone here ever heard of striking a good balance? I'm married and have two boys (age 7 and 11), and I seem to get out of the house for some "me time" at least a couple of times a week. I have hobbies and my wife encourages me to pursue them (currently roller derby) because she knows those hobbies add to my enjoyment of life. The other days I'm doing family stuff or we're doing stuff together as a family with other married with children couples.

YES!!! Those tattooed Roller babes are a fine hobby!!

 

[dabuddha]

He might not want too!, and doesn't know how to tell you?

This. It's probably not a can't, it's probably a don't want to.