Friend just keeps circling the drain

[kranky]

Long-time friend battled drugs for many years. Can't work due to mental issues but was approved for disability. He was clean while he was on welfare because he had no money. When his disability was approved, they gave him back payments for over 2 years, back to the date he first filed his claim.

He told me the money was coming and he wanted to buy some things for his apt since he has next to nothing. Hardly any furniture, not even a TV. We set up a time for me to head out to his place (about 2 hours away) and take him to the store to buy some stuff with his back payments money, but when the day came he said he had a migraine and we should do it next weekend.

Two weeks go by, he doesn't call. OK, that's not unusual, I figured when he is ready he'll let me know. And today he called.

His $15,000 check for back disability is gone. All gone in two weeks, smoking crack. How the hell is that even possible? His explanation was, "I'm a drug addict. That's what I am. I can't hold on to money. I hate it, but there's nothing I can do about it."

I can't believe it's humanly possible to spend $15,000 in two weeks on drugs. But while he may have mental issues and zero motivation, he does not lie, so if he said he did, he did.

Blog post I guess, but man, it's so disappointing. A chance to really change his life for the better, gone up in smoke.

 

[txrandom]

Welfare :thumbsup:

 

[actuarial]

Originally posted by: kranky
A chance to really change his life for the better, gone up in smoke.

Was this a pun, or unintentional humour?

 

[S Freud]

It is really hard to watch it happen because you want to help them turn it around. You can only help someone that wants to help themselves, I learned this lesson the hard way.

 

[spidey07]

That kind of shit needs NarcAnon. He's already given up. Just remember that you can't change other people.

I know you guys don't like prayer but this is something that can help.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. "

 

[rudeguy]

He probably only smoked about $5k worth of crack and the dealers smoked the rest for him. If they find out that someone has that much money, they will basically move in until the money is gone.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

I was waiting for the surprise ending. Then it didn't happen.

What about this situation seems abnormal? Crack head + money = epic fail. This just doesn't seem noteworthy.

Spidey bud, keep comin' back.

 

[kranky]

spidey07, he has forbidden me to mention God or religion. We've gone around and around on the subject a few times and he said no more, never mention it again. He has issues, to say the least.

Originally posted by: NSFW
He probably only smoked about $5k worth of crack and the dealers smoked the rest for him. If they find out that someone has that much money, they will basically move in until the money is gone.

I don't know what the exact split was, but there was definitely some of that going on. He told me, "I gave a guy $1,000 to get crack and that was supposed to be 22 grams. He comes back and it couldn't have been more than 16 grams. I said, 'Where's the rest?' and he said that's all there was. Guy is a jerk." Yeah, he just let the guy rip him for one-third of the pile and shrugged it off.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
I was waiting for the surprise ending. Then it didn't happen.

What about this situation seems abnormal? Crack head + money = epic fail. This just doesn't seem noteworthy.

Spidey bud, keep comin' back.

LOL! If you smoked the spidey bud you'd be pretty fubarred.

The general message of accept things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can is one of the foundations of good mental health. Take the religious overtones out of the serenity prayer and boil it down to my first sentence and you will find few psychologists that disagree. Be it stressors, be it drugs, be it addiction - the concept remains the same. The mind is the mind killer so to speak.

My point was the friend accepts the things he can change, and that's a dangerous place to be.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I had a lot of my grade/elementary school turn into pot heads. I have no idea where they are these days. It's actually sad when I think of the fun we had in our child hood and how they changed so much for the bad.

One of them even broke into my house a few years back to steal computer parts. He *was* my friend.

 

[AmdEmAll]

Impossible to smoke 15K in crack in two weeks isn't it? Coke I can see but not crack.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
I was waiting for the surprise ending. Then it didn't happen.

What about this situation seems abnormal? Crack head + money = epic fail. This just doesn't seem noteworthy.

Spidey bud, keep comin' back.

LOL! If you smoked the spidey bud you'd be pretty fubarred.

The general message of accept things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can is one of the foundations of good mental health. Take the religious overtones out of the serenity prayer and boil it down to my first sentence and you will find few psychologists that disagree. Be it stressors, be it drugs, be it addiction - the concept remains the same. The mind is the mind killer so to speak.

My point was the friend accepts the things he can change, and that's a dangerous place to be.

Just ribbin' ya bud. I know where you're coming from.

 

[spidey07]

Kranky - I feel for you and your friend. But you can't change other people.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Originally posted by: AmdEmAll
Impossible to smoke 15K in crack in two weeks isn't it? Coke I can see but not crack.

Wait... what's the difference? I can't wait to be enlightened.

 

[rudeguy]

I believe what spidey was quoting was for you. You can't fix your friend, you need peace for yourself.

I really feel bad for your friend and for you having to see him go through this. It seems like you really care for him. Some people will never recover. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS

Originally posted by: AmdEmAll
Impossible to smoke 15K in crack in two weeks isn't it? Coke I can see but not crack.

Wait... what's the difference? I can't wait to be enlightened.

Really? Crack and Coke are pretty different.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crack_cocaine

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocaine

Its basically a solid form of cocaine that is smoked.

 

[jagec]

He spent 15 grand in two weeks, on CRACK?!?:shocked:

I have a friend who worked at a Miami hospital for a while. He saw a LOT of drug addicts, and he assured me that crack was by far the cheapest habit. Like, 15 minutes holding a sign at an onramp would keep you in crack for a couple of days.

I've always been under the false delusion that if you took people like that, cleaned them up, and took them around for two days showing them the lifestyles of successful people, touring nice houses, sitting in on meetings, observing how the different levels of society treat the successful, and going out for a hike in the mountains or other informal setting with someone who was doing well personally and professionally, they would find some motivation to be more successful.

But...well...I don't know.

Originally posted by: tenshodo13

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS

Originally posted by: AmdEmAll
Impossible to smoke 15K in crack in two weeks isn't it? Coke I can see but not crack.

Wait... what's the difference? I can't wait to be enlightened.

Really? Crack and Coke are pretty different.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crack_cocaine

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocaine

Its basically a solid form of cocaine that is smoked.

It's freebased...basically, chemically modified to a form which will enter the body more readily. Generally this is done to lower quality cocaine, and it is probably cut with a bunch of other crap too. Crack may not be the most dangerous or addictive of drugs, but it's not far from it. The only good thing that you can say about it is that it's cheap and it will get you high. Beats huffing glue I guess.

<--never smoked crack

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Kranky - I feel for you and your friend. But you can't change other people.

That's really what it comes down to. Talk about accepting the things he could change - his favorite words are "I can't".

About a week before the game, I invited him over to watch the Super Bowl.
"Man, you'd come out here and drive me back to your house so I could see the game?"
Actually, I was thinking you could take the bus into town and Mike would pick you up there on the way to my house, you could stay at my place overnight, and I'd take you home the next day. (Note: it's a 2-hour drive one way).
"Ah, I don't have money to take the bus. It's $15."
I'll cover you.
"OK, that's great."

Day of the game... phone rings...
"Hey, man, I can't make it to your house."
I thought Mike was picking you up at the bus station?
"No, it's a big hassle for you guys. I can't ask you to do all that."
No problem, we'll be glad to have you. I said I'd cover your bus fare.
"Sorry, man. I can't do that bus ride. My stomach is bothering me."
Oh, come on, you'll be fine.
"No, I just can't."

How many times over the years I've heard him say that... "I just can't."

 

[SlitheryDee]

Damn...sometimes I wonder if I could have been like that. There was a short period where it was decidedly possible. There's nothing you can do that would help except to support him if he ever really convinces himself that he can quit. He's GOT to do that himself, but at this rate it sounds like he might not be around long enough to do it.

 

[maziwanka]

Originally posted by: txrandom
Welfare :thumbsup:

seriously.

though it's sad if you think that we invest in the hope of goodness in people and fail.

 

[Gunslinger08]

Sounds like it's time to report him. If he can stay clean while not receiving disability/being in jail for a few years, maybe it will stick.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Kranky - I feel for you and your friend. But you can't change other people.

This is brutally true. A close friend of mine died two days ago, and he most likely killed himself. He had lot's to live for, but couldn't see it, and none of us were able to make him see that.

Now he's gone and a whole bunch of us are angry and deeply sad at the same damn time.

Originally posted by: spidey07
The mind is the mind killer . . .

My point was the friend accepts the things he can change, and that's a dangerous place to be.

Damn, spidey. You are showing depth and wisdom lately I confess I didn't know you had. :thumbsup:

 

[Modelworks]

Someone needs to go see a magistrate and tell them he is mentally unstable, danger to himself. They will have him picked up and evaluated. Had to do that to a friend who was a bad alcoholic. Would blow his disability check on the 1st of the month and not have anything the rest of the month. What the state did was place his mother as guardian over the money each month. She pays his rent, etc and gives him an allowance.

 

[takeru]

"i just can't" = "i just don't want to" ???

 

[zzuupp]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: spidey07
Kranky - I feel for you and your friend. But you can't change other people.

That's really what it comes down to. Talk about accepting the things he could change - his favorite words are "I can't".

...
"No, I just can't."

How many times over the years I've heard him say that... "I just can't."

I'm sorry about your friend. :frown:



He's a scorpion. He will sting you. That is what he does. :|