Found out a "friend" is doing something pretty underhanded

[DaShen]

1) Asked out a girl that I liked a while ago (found out she just got out of a long term relationship and was still hurting)

2) Remained friends, although it was hard/awkward at first <this girl is very, very pretty/she is much prettier as a person too and no I will not share pics (that is disrespectful to her) >

3) A friend of one of my close friends found out this information (he once knew this girl <we all went to the same HS> )

4) He tried to get me to manipulate the situation and play with this girl's heart. I refused. He was really trying to make an excuse to do it himself.

5) He was going to try to take advantage of the situation, by getting her drunk while she was emotional and trying to take advantage of her.

6) I found out he was trying to do this and I confronted him about it.

7) He said he wouldn't and I trusted him (I thought he respected me and this girl enough to not try this).

8) I had a feeling he was still doing something because he had this guilty look whenever around me and was extra nice to me, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

9) I noticed this girl started to act strange around me, so I decided to give her space. I can still be a good friend by doing this.

10) I found out from a mutual friend that this guy is still trying to do stuff (he is pretending to be a nice guy to this girl and taking her out to "hang" out with friends, but I know his intentions are not honorable). He has stated that "he wanted to get her drunk" before, but when he saw how I reacted, he tried to play it off as a joke.

11) I also have a feeling that this girl is acting strange around me because this guy told her a lie about me. (Aside: I trusted this guy and got him a job where I work )

12) I am not sure what to do because this guy could really hurt this girl, who is a genuinely good person. But now that things are awkward, I don't really know if I can do anything.

**I just found out tonight that this was happening. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't post this. I am sort of angry and hurt at the same time because I thought that this guy was at least halfway decent.**

BTW, this guy's favorite movie is "In the Company of Men". I never saw it through. I got sick to my stomache and really angry just watching part of it, but you get the idea. He could be really dangerous for this girl. I really don't know what to do now. I feel like hurting this guy right now, but I know that in the end that won't do anything but make me a less decent guy. One of my friends said I should try to get him fired, but I won't do that because that just doesn't seem like the right response either.

BTW, this is not SHENS. I wish it were.

EDIT

Screw it! Life is too short to constantly be worrying about this kind of stuff. I know I am saying that, but part of me will probably be concerned for quite a while. If chances happen that I can warn her about him, I will, regardless if she misconstrues it. But otherwise, there is really nothing I can do about it anymore. If he does actually gets a chance to hurt her, he is in for a load of hurt himself, but she is a big enough girl to take care of herself (and I trust that she is mature enough to figure it out herself if the chance doesn't happen to warn her <I am not going to press the matter> ).

EDIT 2

Just an update after a few months if anyone cares. Things are cool with me and the girl again. Not what it used to be, but that is fine. As long as it doesn't affect her hanging out with mutual friends, I am cool with it. I can be more of a friend to her by letting her sort stuff out herself.

Also, the guy that was doing all that messed up stuff told me he would stop pursuing doing anything like that. He didn't want to risk my friendship. Trust me, I am a friend you want to keep. I am definitely going to be cautious around him from now on though.

 

[Eeezee]

Your post is weak sauce. Ask her why she's been acting weirdly toward you. Other than that, any situation she gets into with that guy is none of your business. Warn her if you want, but beyond that is there anything you can really do anyway?

 

[DaShen]

I am so tired of ungenuine people. I feel like crying, but I won't. I know it will work itself out somehow, but my hope is this girl will not be hurt in the process. It may just happen though. <sigh>

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: DaShen
I am so tired of ungenuine people. I feel like crying, but I won't. I know it will work itself out somehow, but my hope is this girl will not be hurt in the process. It may just happen though. <sigh>

WTF

Just do what Eeezee said, this is not cry-worthy.

 

[SmoochyTX]

We all get hurt by others. You have to learn from it and move on.

This applies to your girl that's a friend and to you as well.

 

[m1ldslide1]

Yep, you can't make people do or think the right things. Time to disassociate, my friend. Watch out for #1, especially in cases like these.

 

[Yossarian]

Originally posted by: DaShen
I am so tired of ungenuine people. I feel like crying, but I won't. I know it will work itself out somehow, but my hope is this girl will not be hurt in the process. It may just happen though. <sigh>

you should cry, it's good for our ratings.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Eeezee
Your post is weak sauce. Ask her why she's been acting weirdly toward you. Other than that, any situation she gets into with that guy is none of your business. Warn her if you want, but beyond that is there anything you can really do anyway?

I know this. It isn't my concern, but it still hurts that this guy may hurt this girl. I just have to back away from the situation, but it is still hard because I do care for this girl. I have always been the guy that is very protective of my friends (all of them). I once drove out 7 hours (14 in all), to visit a mentor of mine who was in a car accident. I had an exam from a college class I was taking that I was going to Ace that very night. I chose to be their for my friend rather than get the grade. I would honestly be willing to die for my friends, but of course I have no family other than my parents and sister to really tie me down right now. I know that sounds melodramatic, but that is just the person that I am.

I am not going to do anything, but pray or hope that things work out where this girl isn't hurt, but it still sucks to see this happening.

**EDIT**

And yes, BTW, I have backed away from the situation. I don't even talk to this girl anymore because the situation is too messy now, but I thought this guy was more decent than this.

I am just hurt by all of this. The girl can do whatever she wants. So can this guy, but I don't see how people can be this way to other people. How can people say that they "care for someone" but then at the same time be doing things that will eventually hurt them because of selfishness. I realize that that is human nature, but why does it have to be that way?

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
We all get hurt by others. You have to learn from it and move on.

This applies to your girl that's a friend and to you as well.

I understand. It still sucks though.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Easy on the drama, bud.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper
Easy on the drama, bud.

Yeah. I should lay off, or go to myspace. I realize that. <man up>

It is a sucky situation though, and I am emotional because I thought this guy was a decent guy, but it seems like he is more devious than I realized. <sigh>

I will probably be over it by tomorrow, but in the meantime, I am pretty hurt by this.

 

[Skunkwourk]

You can cry about it, separate yourself from the situation, or do something about it. Just know while you wallow in your emotions, your "friend" is making more moves. If you really care about this girl, tell your friend if he messes with her, you'll take that as a sign of disrespect and theres going to be a problem.

 

[RiDE]

I thought this would be about something illegal.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Eghck
You can cry about it, separate yourself from the situation, or do something about it. Just know while you wallow in your emotions, your "friend" is making more moves. If you really care about this girl, tell your friend if he messes with her, you'll take that as a sign of disrespect and theres going to be a problem.

I have done that. I manned up and confronted him and said if did anything to hurt her, we would have a serious problem. I am 6'0" well built and I know martial arts (although I never fight), so most people won't mess with me. Plus, I thought this guy really respected me, most people do. He promised me that he would not do anything. I decided to trust him. He started to try to do things behind my back. I didn't pry, although I suspected something was going on. One of my close friends who knew the situation, finally just came up to me and told me what this guy was doing. I am really hurt by this, but not totally surprised. I was just hoping that this wasn't the case. This girl is an adult and can take care of herself, but I think she is oblivious about this guy though. It sucks.

What makes the situation sticky is that I work with this guy now. One of my close friends (the guy who finally just told me) is roommates with this guy.

 

[Pacfanweb]

Bottom line: Your friend is doing what he thinks will get him some leg. Whether anything is wrong with that is really up to the girl. She's the one who will either put out or not.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: Eghck
You can cry about it, separate yourself from the situation, or do something about it. Just know while you wallow in your emotions, your "friend" is making more moves. If you really care about this girl, tell your friend if he messes with her, you'll take that as a sign of disrespect and theres going to be a problem.

I have done that. I manned up and confronted him and said if did anything to hurt her, we would have a serious problem. I am 6'0" well built and I know martial arts (although I never fight), so most people won't mess with me. Plus, I thought this guy really respected me, most people do. He promised me that he would not do anything. I decided to trust him. He started to try to do things behind my back. I didn't pry, although I suspected something was going on. One of my close friends who knew the situation, finally just came up to me and told me what this guy was doing. I am really hurt by this, but not totally surprised. I was just hoping that this wasn't the case. This girl is an adult and can take care of herself, but I think she is oblivious about this guy though. It sucks.

What makes the situation sticky is that I work with this guy now. One of my close friends (the guy who finally just told me) is roommates with this guy.

Well, hes obviously not a friend then, so I guess it comes down to how close you feel to her. I mean if she was my sister, I'd be getting ready to do something about it, but if I didn't really know her, then yeah, just forget it.

 

[BrianH1]

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb
Bottom line: Your friend is doing what he thinks will get him some leg. Whether anything is wrong with that is really up to the girl. She's the one who will either put out or not.

i agree with this libertarian point of view.

 

[Balt]

Originally posted by: DaShen
I am so tired of ungenuine people. I feel like crying, but I won't. I know it will work itself out somehow, but my hope is this girl will not be hurt in the process. It may just happen though. <sigh>

Jesus.

Are you a man? Start acting like one FFS. Quit crying into your pillow and find out what's up.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb
Bottom line: Your friend is doing what he thinks will get him some leg. Whether anything is wrong with that is really up to the girl. She's the one who will either put out or not.

Yeah, that is true. Writing this stuff was therapeudic. I won't worry about it too much. But just letting you know, this girl is not the type of girl that will loosely sleep around before marriage. More than likely if he were to take advantage of her, she would have to be extremely drunk for that to happen, so I guess I shouldn't worry, but you never know what a guy might resort to sleep with a girl.

 

[b0mbrman]

Wow, it sounds like he is not being very much of a friend to her, and not to you either.

In situations like this, I think you have to just put everything out there and it sounds like you already have your heart in the right place. What you should do is cry to him. That is, let him watch as you literally cry about your feelings so that he understands in no unclear terms how important this girl is to you.

Good luck

 

[Bryophyte]

Record him saying what he wants to do to her (which amounts to date rape, BTW) or any IMs or emails where he says it, and play or send it to her so she can be forewarned. How can you live with yourself knowing he plans on taking advantage of her and not let her know? You are supposedly her friend.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Eghck
Well, hes obviously not a friend then, so I guess it comes down to how close you feel to her. I mean if she was my sister, I'd be getting ready to do something about it, but if I didn't really know her, then yeah, just forget it.

She was a good friend. I considered her like a little sister. But things got weird all of the sudden.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: b0mbrman
Wow, it sounds like he is not being very much of a friend to her, and not to you either.

In situations like this, I think you have to just put everything out there and it sounds like you already have your heart in the right place. What you should do is cry to him. That is, let him watch as you literally cry about your feelings so that he understands in no unclear terms how important this girl is to you.

Good luck

Are you joking/kidding? This guy knows I care for this girl. He is the type to do it anyways. I didn't realize that till recently after getting to know him better. I knew him in HS, and he is a friend of a friend, but we were never close. I thought he still was a better guy than this.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Record him saying what he wants to do to her (which amounts to date rape, BTW) or any IMs or emails where he says it, and play or send it to her so she can be forewarned. How can you live with yourself knowing he plans on taking advantage of her and not let her know? You are supposedly her friend.

That is not a good thing to do, but if I get the chance to talk to her, I will warn her to be careful around this guy. That is all I can do at this point. I don't know if it will do any good though.

 

[her209]

From the other guy's perspective: Why am I going to let DaShen get with her when I can?