for those who are married or intend to get married...

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allisolm

Elite Member
Administrator
Jan 2, 2001
24,413
2,998
136
Originally posted by: Lola
We are both 21 now and both will be 22 next june when we take the plunge.
We have been together for a solid 4 years and lived togther for 3 years.
Yes, we know we are young, but we know what marriage means to each other and know the commitment we are making.
Honestly, i could not be happier.
Kids are not even in the big picture yet. a dog maybe, but no kids. We are responsible enough to get married, not ready for little ones yet. I hate the fact that people are telling me we should wait...we are ruining our OUR lives.... granted, times they are a changin... but we are not just doing a spur-of-the-moment thing. There is nothing i need to tell anyone nor do i make excuses why we are getting married.
He is my best friend and i do not need him... i want him. we are whole on our own, we do not need each other to be complete. we compliment each other and bring fulfillment to each others lives!

I am so happy! and on top of it, we are getting married here!
Lola - looks like you're getting married for all the right reasons. I looked at your wedding site and just want to know - how do I get invited? It looks fabulous - no wonder you're excited.
 

Kristi2k

Golden Member
Oct 25, 2003
1,350
4
81
Probably get married around 23 or 24 and DON'T plan on having any kids, anytime. :D
 

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,706
532
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Originally posted by: GrouchyLadybug
Got married this past November. I was three days shy of 22, he was/is 22. We've known each other since freshman year of college (me 17, him 18). We take marriage very seriously and are very happy together. We also have supportive and loving families, which also helps. As long as my pills work ;), we won't be having kids until after I finish my masters degree, which will be about three years from now. When I finish my masters, I'll be able to get a job with at least double the salary of what I'm making now, so it's important that I finish the degree before the children come along. :) To all those who say that you have to be older to get married, I say that you haven't found the right person...otherwise, you wouldn't think that. You don't want to sit around waiting for 548676454354 years to get married if you truly love your SO and want to make a life with them. Life is short, there's no time to waste here.
Exactly.

It seems like Geekbabe is trying to take love, whose basis is foolish and irrational, and apply some sort of cold statistical formula to ensure its success. Which makes no sense to me. I mean lets face it, its always going to be a gamble from a pure statistics POV...no matter how old or 'ready' you are.
 

cowdog

Senior member
Jan 24, 2003
283
0
0
Interesting topic.

Married at 23. Still married ... uh ... nearly 20 years later. I'm a very happy man.

I'm a believer that all of us can love many others. And unless we force ourselves to be miserable, we all will love many people over the course of our lives. And I'm talking about romantic love. Anyway, I don't believe in the one soul mate stuff at all; that's a bogus myth that helps make sure people are unhappy in relationships because they will never find the perfect person. Imagine a genetic test for soul mate. OK, #321111895555.1 here's your #321111895555.2. That's not real romantic to me.

The really cool and romantic thing is that you choose someone else who chooses you even though you both can and will love others. The partnership, commitment, and faithfulness built on choice is romantic and powerful. I don't want someone to love me because she can't or won't love anyone else. That would be a hostage, not a partner. We have freedom of choice, and using that choice for a partner is what it is all about.

As far as how old, it doesn't matter if it works for you. Constantly sampling the waters gets old real fast. You want quantity or quality? Quality comes from growing a relationship over time.

That's how I see it.
 

bozack

Diamond Member
Jan 14, 2000
7,913
12
81
Got Married last October 12th, she was 25 (Turned 26 in December) I was 27, don't plan on having kids until I am at least 32. My original plan was to be married at 30...good luck
 

Alatariel

Member
Mar 31, 2004
38
0
0

I was 19 when my first was born, 21 when I got married (not the father of the first), and almost 24 when the second was born. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited MUCH longer on the kids, but with my husband I knew he was the one and I don't like beating around the bush about things. I realize now that we didn't love each other then (although we do now) and that we probably should have dated more than three weeks before becoming engaged, but I'm still happy with how it all turned out.

And kids aren't the end of everything. I just finished my BS last May with two kids and a husband and working full time. Sure, it took me 10 years to do it instead of 5, but I had a really good time getting there with it, too!
 

Alatariel

Member
Mar 31, 2004
38
0
0
Originally posted by: vi_edit
I'm speaking some hard truth here.Lots of marriages end in divorce and many times one parent gets stuck pulling the good ship parenthood and all the sacrificres that entails...alone. Sorry but if I'd had any idea at age 21 that this was how things would have turned out I'd have waited.My kids turned out ok but life sure could have been better for them and for me.
By that same logic, I feel I turned out better having come from a family that had parents that worked their assess off to just put food on the table. I recognize the sacrifices they made to support us and instilled a good work ethic in us. You don't need money to have love and instill good values in your children.

Too many kids these days are pampered beyond belief by parents "wishing the best for them". What's coming from it is that we have too many snot nosed little sh!ts running around that wouldn't know what a work ethic was if it kicked them in the crotch.

I agree. And it was not easy having the oldest parents out of all of my friends - especially since I ran smack into the generation gap without even trying with my own father. It's still strange even as an adult that my parents are significantly older than my husband's and he's 5 years older than me! I also carry a lot of guilt because my folks' chose to pay for college for me instead of saving during their final working years towards retirement and now there are a lot of things that they want to do that they simply can't because of that choice. Unfortunately, I'm not yet in shape to give that all back to them either. I think my kids are better off for my youth as well. I'm not afraid to question everything just because that's the way my folks did it or because I'm set in my ways. There's a lot of freedom in that...

 

Alatariel

Member
Mar 31, 2004
38
0
0
Originally posted by: Hoober
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: Hoober
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: Hoober
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: CPA
It amazes me when people think getting married in the mid-20's is surprising.

My mom was married when she was 18. It used to be that way all the time, even younger.

Now we consider a 22 year old a teenager and believe you shouldn't get married until your 30. Why?
Because you ruin your life and your future prospects in all areas of life by marrying and having kids early,you also hamper the prospects of your children as the younger you have kids the less fiscally stable you are likely to be.
I don't buy that for a second. I'm considered a young father, and I don't believe I've hampered my future prospects in any way. Of course I'm much more fiscally responsible than 90% of the popluation, but still. Having kids while you're still in high school is not a good idea, but I don't believe you ruin your life by having kids in your early or middle twenties.
Yeah,how old are your kids? Come back come divorce time when you aren't left with a dollar or an hour to call your own and tell me how it was all so worth it.If I had it to do over I would have waiterd till much later to marry and have kids and might have passed on having kids entirely.
I think there's a certain expectation when you decide to get married and have children that your money and your time are no longer yours. How does that have anything to do with divorce or possible divorce? I'm very happy spending time with my wife and my son. I wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China. I look forward to going home from work every evening to spend time with my family and I hate dropping my son off at daycare in the morning because that's less time I get to spend with him. It's too bad you're so bitter about your life, it's a sad thing to see.

Because so many marriages end in divorce..if you aren't fully prepared to rear a child solo,without any sort of physical or fiscal help from the other parent,then you aren't prepared to have kids yet.There may be exceptions but I doubt there are many 19,20 yr olds who can stand totally alone in rearing a kid.
I agree that 19 and twenty year olds aren't old enough to have kids. They aren't mature enough either emotionally or financially. But I disagree complete with your notion that you must be prepared to raise a child by yourself before you go ahead and have children. Divorce is an ugly thing and I believe a number of couples enter into marriage without fully understanding or exploring their emotions and what that tie really means. Those couples probably should look at having children. But to blanket the entire population and say that you MUST be able to support the child yourself before thinking about having kids is narrowminded.

Raising children takes two people (sometimes more). You're only handicapping your own growth potential and the relationship with your S.O. if you start out with the thought that you need to be prepared to raise the child by yourself. I'm sorry you think that way, Geekbabe. I don't, and I pray that I never will.

I don't know, I was 19 when my first was born (18 when I got pregnant) and alone from 3 months into the pregnancy. I was prepared to raise him by myself. Had it worked out that way, he'd probably be the most flaming feminist male that you'd ever see! However, I got married when he was almost 2 and had another child when he was 4.5. I'm still prepared to raise both boys alone if necessary. In my case, however, I have done something that most people that are young and have children don't do: I have surrounded myself with a large and caring group of people that help me with whatever I need help with. Unfortunately, I have observed that age has nothing whatsoever to do with forming that community. There are many people who are older when they have their children and are overwhelmed because they do not have that support.

Now he's 8, he's still mama's boy, and if something happens to me, I'd hate to be the one to have to pick where he goes. There's too many really great people to pick from that would happily take him into their lives. That's not something that many people can say...


 

Alatariel

Member
Mar 31, 2004
38
0
0
Originally posted by: PingSpike
Geekbabe...can you honestly tell me that if some 'wise divorced parent' came and told you shouldn't get married you would have said "You're right sir, I won't get married." I know if anyone tried to convince me to not marry my girl I'd tell them to shut up and die...if you can't say the same it sounds like you just married the wrong person. The reason there's so many divorces is that people keep marrying some one who is wrong for them. All people aren't created equal and marriage can't be broken down to a simple statistic.

BTW, you should ask for advice from some one who had a successful marriage, not from a 'wise divorced parent'. When I want good advice, I ask for it from a person who has succeeded at the subject, not some one who failed miserably.

And frankly, with an attitude that negative...I don't see how you have a chance in hell at succeeding in love. It ain't pretty out there, but if you don't carry at least a glimmer of hope then the game is over before it starts.

ROFL - that actually happened to my husband and I. 7 years later and we just laugh about it!!!
 

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