Bober - This is certainly NOT an attack, and I've heard you talk about your marriage and the details, so I know its not your fault...
But:
Had sex been the
only problem, would it have ended? More so: if she had a poor sex drive/poor sexual performance, but had been open and willing to work on it, talk about it, and get help - then what may have happened?
The truth is she seems to have had a lot of linked issues and hangups and sex was just one of the... The fact that she wouldn't talk/get help was another problem entirely (stubborness, lack of understanding, bad communication, lack of many things...).
I'm not really sure what this debate is about now, but I'm just saying that bad sex alone didn't kill your marriage (as far as I can tell) - there was a lot of other crap that did. (for which I am sorry you've had to go through that).
Look at it this way - imagine a person who is wonderful, caring, kind, loves her husband completely, is a great mother, and is generally a wonderful person... your best friend and love. But she sucks in the sack. She tries, though, because she loves you and she is seeking counselling/help about her lack of drive...
Should her husband leave her for that? According to some, she'd rate a "1" on a "hot sex scale", so she needs to be dumped for a "hotter lay"...
Sex before marriage doesn't guarantee you'll avoid problems. How many sex drives vanish afteer the wedding when they were fine before? Even you had sex before marriage and it didn't tell you definitely at all either.
Sex with multiple partners, while giving you an idea of what you like, also doesn't help you know your future spouse. The future is hidden in that spouse's personality, her reactions, her attitude, beliefs, and heart.
The devil is in the details.
I'm not here to preach that you all have to wait for marriage or burn in hell, I'm just rebutting the assertions that "you are so whack if you wait until marriage to have sex", "WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A WOMAN IS PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN? Marriage", "i've heard of women out there that don't give bj's more than 2-3 times a week. WTF?"...
Sex is vital - but its not about performance and "how hot", how good", and "how often"... its about the relationship and sex as an expression of that. A sexless/poor sex marriage isn't about lack of skill or even lack of desire - its a lack of caring, compassion, and understanding.
People in love can overcome that, provided both are willing.
Likewise, a relationship with only sex is even more doomed for obvious reasons.... They need each other and grow from each other. Sex isn't a seperate entity from the relationship, or from the couple - it is the absolute expression of it.
BTW, before anyone jumps to incorrect conclusions based on what I'm posting: Elita and I are VERY happy rabbits indeed in that area.
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