Follow up application phone call to old boss, does this sound good?

[UnatcoAgent]

This is going to be my voice message:

Hi Carolyn, this is Robert Guy calling. I was working under Steve and Pertrina last summer as the website assistant and I wanted to inquire as to the status of the summer applications for this year. I'm looking forward to continuing my position with traffic safety and hope to hear from you soon. I trust all is well and hope you have a great march break.

Take care, Robert.

Any suggestions?

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: Sabot
This is going to be my voice message:

Hi Carolyn, this is Robert Guy calling. I was working under Steve and Pertrina last summer as the website assistant and I wanted to inquire as to the status of the summer applications for this year. I'm looking forward to continuing my position with traffic safety and hope to hear from you soon. I trust all is well and hope you have a great march break.

Take care, Robert.

Any suggestions?

Dont keep calling back if you fvck up or run out of time.

 

[MikeyIs4Dcats]

you need a "How you doin'" in there....

 

[Gibson486]

I think it is fine. It's a phone call so you don't want to read them another essay the length of McBeth. As long you are clear, concise, but get your point across in a well mannered fasion, all should be well.

 

[UnatcoAgent]

Do you think I do get my point across well though? This is a manager who liked me a lot last summer, it's the first time I've been in contact with her since then.

 

[Mean MrMustard]

You need a "Yeeeeaahhh...." in there.

/Lumbergh

 

[meltdown75]

I like it except for the take care part. You already hoped all was well, you don't want to sound too redundant or ass-kissy. If it was an email or letter I would include the 'take care', but since it's a voice message I'd take it out.

 

[UnatcoAgent]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
I like it except for the take care part. You already hoped all was well, you don't want to sound too redundant or ass-kissy. If it was an email or letter I would include the 'take care', but since it's a voice message I'd take it out.

Alright, thanks for pointing it out!