Flying with Poop on the Brown Pants Express

[Jeeebus]

Posting from 20,000 feet on my way to New York to spread holiday cheer (or just to take a deposition in Brooklyn tomorrow - not sure which to pursue). As if flying these days isn't bad enough, an elderly person near the front of the plane apparently released the Kraken (or his bowels) in his seat. The crew is in full biohazard mode and the plane smells like... well, it smells like how you'd expect a confined space to smell with poo particles circulating through the vents. I'm in an exit row closest to the exit door... can I crack the door open to vent the plane a bit?

In other news, the crew's idea to sprinkle coffee grounds on the floor to mask the smell is going to scar me from drinking coffee for a few months. Nothing like a fine poop roast to get you going.

And yes, I've had it with these motherfucking poops on this motherfucking plane.

 

[Mayne]

LOL/10chars

 

[lxskllr]

Nothing like a fine poop roast to get you going.

1%ers bragging about their high dollar coffee...

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

It was a natural reaction to learning he was onboard with a lawyer.

 

[brianmanahan]

this is where meditation and mindful breathing come in really handy

try inhaling deeply and counting to 8, then exhaling and counting to 4

repeat until the plane lands

 

[PottedMeat]

make the elderly person feel better by sharting with all your might. if its bad enough there will be enough complaints for some passengers to get vouchers or some other monopoly money.

 

[gill77]

this is where meditation and mindful breathing come in really handy

try inhaling deeply and counting to 8, then exhaling and counting to 4

repeat until the plane lands

Through your nose.

 

[daveybrat]

You had it easy.....can you imagine the poor person sitting next to him? (or even near him).

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

You had it easy.....can you imagine the poor person sitting next to him? (or even near him).

Lawyers are trained by profession to be unable to put themselves in other peoples shoes, kinda like doctors.

 

[Jeeebus]

he was apparently with a caretaker and he refused to wear a diaper for the flight. Getting old sucks, but he made the flight miserable for 200 people (especially those who had to clean him up) and now the airline will need to take the plane out of service for the night (given that we had to step over the poop soaked carpet deboarding) which will probably affect aother 200 people. I feel bad for the guy but if you can't control your bowels, wear the diaper.

 

[NoTine42]

Hope you aren’t heading to Atlanta
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/17/us/atlanta-airport-power-outage/index.html

 

[Darwin333]

Hope you aren’t heading to Atlanta
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/17/us/atlanta-airport-power-outage/index.html

Damn, 4 hours after one of the busiest airports in the world completely loses power they still have no clue WTF is going on or what is wrong? Now I know dickall about the nuts and bolts of power distribution systems from the grid but you'd think that if the whole damn airport, including the towers and electronic aircraft landing stuff went offline at the same time that the problem area would be sort of easy to isolate.

"Hey, we got power at that transformer?"
"Yup"
"Ok, must be between here and there. Hey, you see where that construction crew dug a big hole, you think that might be it?"
"I dunno man, probably, but we are going to have to call someone from the department of construction crew fuckups to come check it out. We aren't allowed to look at it"
"But they are at the satellite office, like 6 hours away."
"Hey, what ya gonna do?"
"So, coffee and some doughnuts?"
"You read my mind!"

Or at least that is how I see the conversation going down in my head.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Damn, 4 hours after one of the busiest airports in the world completely loses power they still have no clue WTF is going on or what is wrong? Now I know dickall about the nuts and bolts of power distribution systems from the grid but you'd think that if the whole damn airport, including the towers and electronic aircraft landing stuff went offline at the same time that the problem area would be sort of easy to isolate.

"Hey, we got power at that transformer?"
"Yup"
"Ok, must be between here and there. Hey, you see where that construction crew dug a big hole, you think that might be it?"
"I dunno man, probably, but we are going to have to call someone from the department of construction crew fuckups to come check it out. We aren't allowed to look at it"
"But they are at the satellite office, like 6 hours away."
"Hey, what ya gonna do?"
"So, coffee and some doughnuts?"
"You read my mind!"

Or at least that is how I see the conversation going down in my head.

I've no doubt at all that some policy princess is clinging to procedure for all their worth totally convinced they're keeping people "safer" by doing so.

 

[Jeeebus]

on the plane waiting for the flight back to Florida. An old guy is sitting next to me, so I guess getting pooped on is now one more thing to worry about until landing.

 

[Darwin333]

on the plane waiting for the flight back to Florida. An old guy is sitting next to me, so I guess getting pooped on is now one more thing to worry about until landing.

He is just really lucky he didn't land in Atlanta or he'd have been stuck in the shitty plane for another 4+ hours.

 

[kage69]

1%ers bragging about their high dollar coffee...

They really are cheapskates these days, trying to push that bogus Kopi Lowak.

Mmmm. Looks bold. And rich.

 

[pcgeek11]

Looks like Sh!t.

 

[Ichinisan]

"Deposition"

I threw up a little.

 

[SearchMaster]

I was on a flight from Paris to Bangalore several years ago, and the smell of Indian curry body odor was absolutely ghastly. The flight attendants went up and down the aisles spraying Febreze like they owned stock in it.

I'm not sure if I'd rather have the fecal smell or that. I did the 5 year old "pull my arm up into my sleeve and use it as a gas mask" thing.

 

[zinfamous]

where is the MS Paint? I can't grasp the situation without a proper image.

 

[Paratus]

Great another underwear bomber.
When will this terrorism stop

 

[highland145]

where is the MS Paint? I can't grasp the situation without a proper image.

 

[zinfamous]

^well played

 

[Perknose]

I feel bad for the guy but if you can't control your bowels, wear the diaper.

Words to live by.

I can see the TV teaser now: Unplanned evacuation at 20,000 feet. Details at 11.

 

[cavemanmoron]

on the plane waiting for the flight back to Florida. An old guy is sitting next to me, so I guess getting pooped on is now one more thing to worry about until landing.

Stay off the plane. Problem solved.

I put 20,000+ miles on my vehicle this year, never had any problem, except with a couple traffic jams.

Nobody stinking up the vehicle, besides myself and opening the window for 10 seconds got rid of that, LOL.

Yes if you are in a Big hurry flying is faster.

Best wishes.