FLIGHT ATTENDANT HUMOUR

[Grasshopper27]

Two F/As were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The Head F/A said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.


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Two F/As were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."


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A young F/A is distraught because she fears her Pilot husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the F/A responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"


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Why did the F/A scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.

How do you make a F/A laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.


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A female F/A competed with two other woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."


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You know what they say: The new F/A was so dumb that the others actually noticed.

 

[Evadman]

A female F/A competed with two other woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

That made me cringe when I got it

 

[Dacalo]

thanks for the good laugh!

 

[etech]

On a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane "Bob", the captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use. When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came on over the intercom:

"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.

<after a short pause and several clicks>

"Jesus Christ - whadda bitchin' ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a b*** j**, right about now"

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"

 

[Evadman]

etech:


BWhahahahahahaha!

 

[Lithium381]

Originally posted by: Evadman
etech:


BWhahahahahahaha!

 

[axelfox]

axelfox: "Etech, you've never been on a plane have you?"

etech: "No, but it sounds better in the first person."

























(Its from the movie "Good Will Hunting")

 

[Yossarian]

Damn grasshopper I enjoy your jokes as much as the next guy but do you have to take over OT to tell them?

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: etech
On a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane "Bob", the captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use. When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came on over the intercom:

"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.

<after a short pause and several clicks>

"Jesus Christ - whadda bitchin' ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a b*** j**, right about now"

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"

Yup, this is from Good Will Hunting, w/o the Hurricane Bob part.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: PipBoy
Damn grasshopper I enjoy your jokes as much as the next guy but do you have to take over OT to tell them?

Thanks!

I only do this once in a blue moon...

Grasshopper

 

[bonk102]

Originally posted by: Evadman
etech:


BWhahahahahahaha!

that was the best one