Finance Exec Allegedly Put Semen in His Co-Worker's Water Bottle

[NFS4]

This is Michael Kevin Lallana of Fullerton, California, a 31-year-old financial representative at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. He is also, according to the Orange County District Attorney, a sex offender who put his semen in a co-worker's water bottle. Gross.

Are you looking for a financial advisor in Orange County? May we suggest you steer clear of Michael Kevin Lallana? At the very least, you will probably want to bring your own water to any meetings you have with him. Lallana was arrested on Tuesday and charged with two misdemeanor counts of "releasing an offensive material in a public place" (might was well charge Dan Brown's publishers with that, am I right?) after DNA testing apparently confirmed that semen in his coworker's water bottle was, um, released by him.

This is, according to the Orange County DA, the second time Lallana has bequeathed his coworker with semen-laced H2O. The first time, on January 14, he left some of his "vitamin" water on her desk; she drank it, felt sick and poured it out. The second time happened in March, after both had been transferred from Newport Beach to Orange—but this time, the woman wised up and sent the bottle to a private lab for testing. The lab got back to her in June, with the results: Semen.

Prosecutors say that Lallana hadn't shown any animosity toward the woman, and that he volunteered a DNA sample. Upstanding of him! And consistent with his profile on business networking site LinkedIn, where he touts his "accessibility" and "high ethical standards." (He also says he's looking for "career opportunities" and "new ventures." I'll bet.) His personal Northwestern Mutual site has already been scrubbed by the company, but Google's cache of it works fine and allows you to learn about bonds.

Lallana is currently facing three years in prison and mandatory sex offender registration. I almost hope he's innocent, though, just for the story of how someone obtained his semen and put it in that coworker's water bottle.

http://m.gawker.com/5615367/

 

[DesiPower]

muahahaha

theres another thread in P&N about this, but it belongs to OT IMO

 

[sandorski]

Love potion.

 

[darkswordsman17]

What's with ATOT lately? 50+% of all threads now are just people posting Gawker articles.

(might was well charge Dan Brown's publishers with that, am I right?)

Who the fuck wrote this? Talk about the ironing.

 

[dfuze]

That's pretty nasty, not sure I would have thought to have the water analyzed. Wonder if she saw something in it to make her think to.

 

[NFS4]

That's pretty nasty, not sure I would have thought to have the water analyzed. Wonder if she saw something in it to make her think to.

I'm sure she's probably tasted man milk before, so it likely tasted familiar

 

[Vette73]

Field Director... So hes the Michael Scott of the real world. :awe:

 

[Babbles]

Sounds like was simply offering her an old-school protein shake.

 

[rasczak]

lol this is insane.

 

[Bateluer]

muahahaha

theres another thread in P&N about this, but it belongs to OT IMO

My thread too.

 

[maziwanka]

so effing gross

 

[NFS4]

so effing gross

Bobby is not amused...

 

[Blackjack200]

Bad title; this guy is not an executive, he's a salesman. He tries to setup appointments with people and sell them life insurance... or at least he did.

 

[trmiv]

The official charge cracks me up.

"releasing an offensive material in a public place"

LOL

 

[MiataNC]

That's one way to get her to swallow...

 

[NFS4]

The official charge cracks me up.

"releasing an offensive material in a public place"

LOL

What if I fart in your general direction... in public

 

[Numenorean]

Well it says that it was his water, and he just left it there. She then drank it without his permission so that's her fault. That's like people that take other people's lunches from shared fridges.

 

[foghorn67]

Haha. When Fullerton makes the news, it's lulz.

 

[OutHouse]

That's pretty nasty, not sure I would have thought to have the water analyzed. Wonder if she saw something in it to make her think to.

it smelled "bleachy"

 

[moshquerade]

strange way to get a bj

 

[drebo]

Well it says that it was his water, and he just left it there. She then drank it without his permission so that's her fault. That's like people that take other people's lunches from shared fridges.

Is that mayo on your sandwich?

 

[NFS4]

Well it says that it was his water, and he just left it there. She then drank it without his permission so that's her fault. That's like people that take other people's lunches from shared fridges.

It's written poorly, but I take it to mean that he left his "vitamins" in her water which was sitting on her desk.

Why would he leave his own personal water on her desk?

 

[Numenorean]

It's written poorly, but I take it to mean that he left his "vitamins" in her water which was sitting on her desk.

Why would he leave his own personal water on her desk?

Well that's what it says.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Looking at the guys picture, he looks the type. Looks like he had just made a splooge deposit when they took his pic

 

[Numenorean]

Is that mayo on your sandwich?

Not on the decoy one.