FEMININE LANGUAGE AND WOMAN-SPEAK
FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument
that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up.
NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause
you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five minutes that your football game is going to last before
you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your
toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a
woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down,
and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare, one that
will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end
with the word "Fine."
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do
what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.
(LOUD SIGH): This is not actually a word, but is still often
a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders
why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you over "Nothing."
(SOFT SIGH): Again, not a word, but a verbal statement.
"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to
not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
OH!: This exclamation, followed by any statement, is
trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked
to him about what you were doing last night." If she says
"Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest
exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her
to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a
sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do
not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that
we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
THAT'S OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements that
a woman can say to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants
to think long and hard before paying you retributions for
what ever it is that you have done. "That's OK" is often
used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future
when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman
is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or
reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done.
You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and
you shouldn't get a "That's OK."
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say,
"You're welcome."
THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman
will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is really ticked off at
you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous
way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
say "Nothing."
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings.
FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument
that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up.
NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause
you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five minutes that your football game is going to last before
you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your
toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a
woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down,
and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare, one that
will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end
with the word "Fine."
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do
what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.
(LOUD SIGH): This is not actually a word, but is still often
a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders
why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you over "Nothing."
(SOFT SIGH): Again, not a word, but a verbal statement.
"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to
not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
OH!: This exclamation, followed by any statement, is
trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked
to him about what you were doing last night." If she says
"Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest
exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her
to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a
sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do
not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that
we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
THAT'S OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements that
a woman can say to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants
to think long and hard before paying you retributions for
what ever it is that you have done. "That's OK" is often
used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future
when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman
is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or
reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done.
You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and
you shouldn't get a "That's OK."
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say,
"You're welcome."
THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman
will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is really ticked off at
you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous
way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
say "Nothing."
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings.
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