Female advice - plz help :(

[geno]

Ok, here goes, I really need some help here, I've been running circles in my head about the situation. I met up with this girl a while ago and started hanging out with her often. After a while I realized that I liked her - a lot. But at this point we were really good friends, and nothing more. And I really care about her, more than I can describe. Well, when I realized this she had just gotten together with someone else. And she was getting along great with him. I wanted to tell her how I felt so bad, cause she'd be perfect for me. But I didn't want her to have to choose between him and me. So I thought I'd wait it out a little, and keep what I was feeling under wraps. Well, it's a month later, and everytime I see her, I wanna tell her how I'm feeling so bad. But I keep telling myself that I can't and that I gotta have patience. Cause it'll pay off...

Now, I just finished writing up a big confession letter telling her how I feel, spilling everything, and it's in a text file sitting on my HD. Should I send it to her and risk ruining the great friendship we have? How much should I tell her? Or should I still have persistance and wait it out until there's a dip in their relationship? I'm really scared about telling her, what if it ruins our friendship? We're really great freinds....I care for her so much, but I'm limited to telling her that on the level of a friendship. Ladies and Gentlemen alike, please offer some insight.

 

[ltk007]

ok, i'm not a female, but i could give you two points of advice.

1. You could kill the other guy (very bad idea, but nothing should stand in the way of true love ) j/k of course.

2. You could send her an email/letter anonomously. Tell her that if she is happy with her current boyfriend not to reply, but if she isn't content or she thinks that he's not "the one" that she should reply. Email correspondance for awhile might get her to like you.

 

[Virgo]

Theres always a chance that she always liked you more than the other guy all along and maybe she will fall right into your arms and just forget about the other guy.If you are good friends it shouldn't hurt your relationship .It might even make it better.She might be comforted to know that you are there if the guy she is seeing now turns out to be a real jerk.As long as you don't constantly haunt her with your feelings that you have for her and just simply let her know from time to time while she is seeing this other guy , you should be safe.

 

[Tominator]

Start with small gifts from a 'Secret Friend.'
Date your 'letter' and keep it...give it to her only after you butter her up....[figure of speech...for now]

Ask her to a movie. Show her considerable respect, via opening doors and such...listen to her with 'great interest.'

HEY! What are you asking me for! For cry'in out loud...I've been married for 23 years....uh...good lust....luck.

 

[Passions]

dont ruin a good friendship, let her be happy with that guy. dont be a foolio tryin to mess with things right now.

 

[Francodman]

DO NOT SEND THE LETTER!!!! At least not yet, i was in a very similar situation, but i decided that having her as a friend, would be better than being involved in a relationship.

 

[Capn]

Doesn't every guy dream of sending some magical letter spilling all your feelings. I know I have, never sent one yet. And in fact I'm glad I never did, in retrospect probably weren't such good ideas at the time. 20/20 Hindsight I guess. But I'm 20 and single and my record with women is pretty poor, so maybe you shouldn't pay attention to me.

genocide, why don't you take her cruis'n down the lynn way towahds reveah or dohchestah, that'll work hehe.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Is she "exclusive" with the other guy? If so, I'd just remain a friend for now. If not, then go ahead and ask her out, try to convey you have deeper feelings for her in person.

 

[Viper GTS]

Genocide...

I was in the same position two years ago. Almost exactly. I sent the e-mail. Written & sent at 2 AM. Bad idea, to say the least. I regret it to this day. I completely destroyed any chance I had at anything, & made myself look like a goddamn idiot. I think I scared the hell out of her, actually, 'cause I tend to be very serious about everything. I guess she interpreted my letter as a marriage proposal. That's just like me, too. Frickin' idiot. And I still have to see her. Like tonight, her & her current boyfriend. I ended up crying as I was driving home with her sitting behind me.

But then again that's just me.

Personally, if I had to do it over again (and I have since then, with much better results), I'd do it in person (or in my case, by phone, since it was the only option). Break it slowly, though. Don't just drop it on her out of nowhere. I did that with my best friend... We got into a "what if we'd met under different circumstances?" type of conversation, & whether we'd ever consider each other a possibility if it weren't for other romantic interests. She'd never thought of it that way, but once she got thinking it didn't take much persuasion. And best of all we didn't lose the status of best friends.

Good luck, you'll need it.

Viper GTS

 

[Mday]

look genocide, i will be honest with you...

no matter what anyone of us says, the biggest mistake you can make is listening to any one of us. listen to your heart. of course if you take that literally, you will hear a lub and a dub.

we can't tell you anything worth while.
we can't predict the future.
we don't know who the hell you are.
we do mean well... sometimes.

be selfish, and don't think about the future. love is a very selfish emotion.

just know this, the relationship is going to change if you send that letter. good or bad is up to you (plural). don't go being a jerk okay, no matter what the outcome.

 

[GroundOO]

after that last post I kinda feel like a dope tryin to give you advice, but I have traveled this road. I liked this one girl for a long time and I never told her how I felt because I didn't know how it would go and how she would respond. It got all bottled up (cliche) and I didn't know what to do and I ended up going out with a different girl I didn't really like as much and ended up screwing up that relationship because of my previous obsession. Soon after I was talking to her (first girl) on Instant Messanger and I gushed all my feelings about how much I loved her in one burst (comparable to your letter.) Needless to say, it didn't go so hot. It turns out that she did kindof like me and if I had just gone about it normally and ASKED HER OUT she probably would've. The burst of affection freaked her out and I have since regretted it. This is still some weirdness between us now but mostly we've recovered as friends. So I suggest the traditional route, writing anonymous letters and stuff is more likely to get them freaked out than interested in you and the infamous "letter of truth" will most likely make your lovelife DOA.

As the other post said, I can't tell you what to do but this is the best I know, good luck,
Chris

 

[Virgo]

So many women go through their lives not being with the one they truly wanted to be with because some JERK wouldn't give her the time of day to let her know anything!

 

[Celstar]

I'm speaking for the person that you should be, not for the person who is afraid of rejection.

I say tell her. One of the worst things to feel is regret in life (I know). You may feel like an idiot afterwards but at least you'd know.

Dont type a letter, write it with a pen and paper. Dont geek it.

 

[geno]

I dunno, what do you think if I told her, but just not as much? Like if I just told her that I like her and leave it at that. Just so I don't scare her off.

And Capn, she lives in North Andover. But I still go see her all the time

Viper, are you guys still good friends? Or are you only hanging out together now?

 

[geno]

You know what? I think I'd rather just stay friends for now... I just don't think it's time yet - Thanks for your help all, I really appreciate it!

 

[geno]

well, looks like I made the right choice, we just got into a big conversation about how good of friends we are - now I'm happy It reminded me that we have a good thing going - so why should I spoil it? just thought I'd give an update I gotta go now cause I'm so damn happy

 

[Queen of Hearts]

Genocide- I've been on both sides of the fence here, and it stinks. The first was me being the one who sent the letter, the second was me getting it. In both situations things got very strained and awkward, even though I was very close with both people. Have you been able to see any kind of positive feedback from your lady friend at all? If you're getting subtle signs that she thinks more of you, go for it. But if she considers you a great pal and no more, getting such an emotional letter might freak her out a bit. It really depends on her, and you're the only one who can make that call. Good luck.

 

[geno]

I've already deleted the letter - wasn't a good idea...

I'm happy with the way things are for now, when it's time it'll be time - but I'm not gonna rush it

 

[BiB]

Well friends is good, but we all know Mr. Happy has bigger ambitions, and it is up to you to keep him happy.

I agree that a letter may have been a questionable idea...I woulddn't spill it all at once, just kind of gently let on, instead of totally swamping her out of the blue.

BiB

 

[ltk007]

Well congrats on not screwing up genocide. There really no perfect solution to any dating problem, you probably made the best choice.

 

[NOSOUP4U]

Why are you congratulating him for not being able to be with the girl he wants the way he wants to?

 

[Bleeding Jawa]

Well..only YOU can decide what will be best & when to make your move; however, as was mentioned earlier......

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD--- DO NOT SEND A TYPED LETTER !!!!!
Women really appreciate hand written letters...especially if it shows that you spent some time on it. IF you give her a note, put it on nice linen paper & write it out as neatly as possible.

And for Pete's sake...quit listening to all of us losers!!! Get away from this damn computer & go get her!!!

Best of Luck!!!

 

[NOSOUP4U]

that's what I'm saying!!

i dont know why you're even listening to the negative people posting on this thread saying... "its better to be friends". just because they had bad luck doesnt mean the same for everyone else.



going back and reading all the posts, a lot of them encourage you to do what you feel.

 

[montanafan]

Speaking from the female perspective, if she's interested in you in that way, she'll let you know.

I think you made the right decision in not sending that letter. If you feel that you have to let her know how you feel by way of a letter, instead of face to face, then you already know deep down inside that it's not the right thing to do at this point. Trust your instincts; they're there for a very good reason.

As long as you're friends, her feelings for you can grow.

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

You did the right thing... I made that mistake once and the girl avoided me like I was Darth Vader. Its really too bad people can't be honest with each other. If someone wrote me a note like that,
I'd
1. Be flattered
2. NOT treat them as if they were the bubonic plague.

"Does this condemn us to be J. Alfred Prufrocks?"
-KarsinTheHutt

"Risk is part of the game - If you want to sit in that chair"
-Cpt. James Kirk to Cpt. Jon Harriman