Fears of the future.

[DigDug]

It's been about a year since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I'm 27. I consider myself an attractive guy, and have been told by enough girls that I am, so I don't think it's anything physical. However, I don't somehow feel that I can relate to women at this point. I'm not homosexual, so that's been ruled out...

After long and deep thinking, I've concluded that I've spent too much time and effort devoted to my career. I'm finally attaining the success I've hoped for, and will be able to provide for my family in the way that I've hoped. However, the sad thing is that I have yet to form that family. I have yet to even meet that special someone. And with the time that will be devoted to working this "dream" job the next few years, I am starting to wonder if I'll ever be ableto meet that someone.

What do I do? Am I supposed to quit my job and then find someone to be with, when I won't be able to support her? Or work and make boatloads of cash, but without anyone to share my success with? I know that it seems as if I'm painting a sharp binary, but I'm having trouble seeing how to find a happy medium between the two. It's either work at where I will, or don't and hope to find another one in this ridiculous economy.

Am I watching myself fall into that proverbial midlife crisis? I want a wife and kids, so badly. I just don't know where to begin, or how to. I can't go to a bar - although I'm a very conversational person, I just don't find meaning in the sorts of conversations had at the bar scene. I'm starting to sign up to personals sites, but apart from the wierd feeling of searching for someone online, I don't see how I'll be able to meet someone based on a questionnaire. I'm really wondering what I'll end up doing.

What do you think? Suggestions? And no, I don't want to flash money around, because the LAST fvcking thing I want is a golddigger.

 

[Eli]

Just don't worry about it. You will find someone. Waiting is a bad choice, you won't ever get anything done then. Just live your life as normal, keep working, keep making more money.. someone will come along. You never know how you'll meet her.

 

Personally, I think you're too hard on yourself. Everyone has to start somewhere - and there's nothing disgraceful or superficial about meeting someone at a bar. My parents were introduced by a mutual friend, and before they were married they broke up once, so don't lose hope - everyone goes through some rough patches.

Go out with friends - if you have friends to talk to and socialize with, then meeting women will be secondary. And we ALL know that the best things seem to come along when you're not looking for them.

Good luck, and cheer up - we've all gone through rough spots. 🙂

 

[Luagsch]

gives Eli a :beer:.word
gives Blip Blop a :beer: too. cheer up, Eli's right

EDIT oh well, gives everybody in this thread a :beer:. 😉

 

[rh71]

Do you know how many unmarried 30-35 year olds there are where I work ? My ex-cubicle area alone, there were 5. And the area only fits 8. They don't seem very worried about it either. They're not career-oriented people either... it's just that they haven't moved to that next step...

1 is extremely religious and doesn't seem to want to marry/date
1 is actively dating
1 broke up with a long-time gf
1 is still seeing a long-time gf, but unmarried
1 is just married

There are a lot of unsettled 30-year olds so I don't know what you're worrying about at 27.

 

[godmare]

Success is not measured in money.
Your life will gel for you, no doubt, but only then will you truly be a success.

 

[DigDug]

Just live your life as normal, keep working, keep making more money.. someone will come along

Thanks for the warm wishes guys. But you know, qhat I've quoted above is what I've always lived by. I guess, I'm not so sure I believe that someone will just come along. Exposure plays a role in at all, doesn't it? And I don't want to marry another lawyer. Some workplace romance isn't what's going to do it for me.

I just feel as if, in this corporate world, the search for a _meaningful_ relationship has but been abandoned. People are after quick sex, and the like. I know I sound like a mormon, but what I'm trying to say is that I want to meet someone who is on my plane. and i guess that where I am, there aren't many who see a happy marraige as their biggest priority. I'll tell you - I see myself either quitting this sh1t in two years or self-destructing.

 

[Willoughbyva]

Relationships can be a real pain sometimes. Enjoy just being single for a while and don't worry about it. Someone will come along and things will take off.

 

[DigDug]

Success is not measured in money.

You are ABSOLUTELY right. And I think that, to a certain extent, I was blinded by this ignorance. When rh71 says that there about 5 30-35 who aren't worried abotu being single, that bothers me. To me, that is the classic manifestation of the ultra-individualism that I mentioned above. They are too wrapped up in their own success to ever be able to share it, and themselves, with anyone. I am not that way, and don't want to be. But how do I go about meeting people, after having been so removed from the common modes of socialization? What exactly are they, anyway? Bars? Sporting clubs? ...

 

[Jugernot]

It'll happen... maybe not right now, but it'll happen. Probably not at the best time, but does anything ever happen when you'd actually like to happen?

I firmly beleive that relationship are something that have to come naturally, you can't rush them and try to make something they aren't. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen....

Don't worry about it! Really, don't! 🙂

Joe

 

Originally posted by: BlipBlop

Just live your life as normal, keep working, keep making more money.. someone will come along

Thanks for the warm wishes guys. But you know, qhat I've quoted above is what I've always lived by. I guess, I'm not so sure I believe that someone will just come along. Exposure plays a role in at all, doesn't it? And I don't want to marry another lawyer. Some workplace romance isn't what's going to do it for me.

I just feel as if, in this corporate world, the search for a _meaningful_ relationship has but been abandoned. People are after quick sex, and the like. I know I sound like a mormon, but what I'm trying to say is that I want to meet someone who is on my plane. and i guess that where I am, there aren't many who see a happy marraige as their biggest priority. I'll tell you - I see myself either quitting this sh1t in two years or self-destructing.

I know what you mean, but I can't say that I relate. My girlfriend of two years (granted, I'm only 19) is everything I could ever want. Smart, funny, cute, attractive, and awesome to be around. And I met her RIGHT after a huge breakup with a girl who I thought was just as good, but definitely wasn't.

Basically, what I'm saying to you is just chill out a little bit. Don't pay attention to your 'mission' of finding a perfect girl. Go on with life as normal, take the bumps in stride, and you'll be sure to find that special person. She's out there, but it's like watching a pot of water boil: it'll seem MUCH longer if you concentrate too hard on it.

 

[Willoughbyva]

Dude most of the people I know who are around 30 have been devorced. And some of the ones who are not devorced need to be. Thank your lucky stars that your life isn't filled with drama 24/7.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: BlipBlop

Just live your life as normal, keep working, keep making more money.. someone will come along

Thanks for the warm wishes guys. But you know, qhat I've quoted above is what I've always lived by. I guess, I'm not so sure I believe that someone will just come along. Exposure plays a role in at all, doesn't it? And I don't want to marry another lawyer. Some workplace romance isn't what's going to do it for me.

I just feel as if, in this corporate world, the search for a _meaningful_ relationship has but been abandoned. People are after quick sex, and the like. I know I sound like a mormon, but what I'm trying to say is that I want to meet someone who is on my plane. and i guess that where I am, there aren't many who see a happy marraige as their biggest priority. I'll tell you - I see myself either quitting this sh1t in two years or self-destructing.

I also agree that you shouldn't feel strange about meeting someone online, it's a great resource. Just keep all your options open, and keep thinking forward. If you apply yourself, you will eventually meet someone.. Of course, you have to be social..Don't be afraid to go to bars and other social places, you really just never know.

I never thought I would meet someone like my girlfriend. We met through her mom, believe it or not.

I met her mom online, became great friends.. met her kids, and the rest is history. 😉

 

[Kadarin]

I'm 34 and I've been single for the past year or so after being involved in a 7 year relationship, and a 5 year one before that, and I am not in any hurry to get back into another one. My advice is like everyone else's.. don't worry about it; it'll happen when it does.

 

Originally posted by: Eli
I met her mom online, became great friends.. met her kids, and the rest is history. 😉

Well that's just weird. 😉:beer:

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: jumpr

Originally posted by: Eli
I met her mom online, became great friends.. met her kids, and the rest is history. 😉

Well that's just weird. 😉:beer:

😀

I guess it could be considered kinda weird, but it's really not.. at least to us. Her mom and I were friends for about a year before I met her kids, so we knew eachother well.. and she was totally OK with her daughter and I being together since she knew what kind of person I am.

We all ride those motorized scooters, and were apart of the Yahoo motorized scooter group.. she just messaged me out of the blue one day, because we both lived in Portland .. lol

 

[DigDug]

WOw, thanks for all the encouragement and help guys. It's really hard, and admittedly, its starting to etch into my self-esteem. Being in New York doesn't help. As fun and "busy" as the scene is here. Being alone among millions of people only magnifies the feelings.