favorite professor quotes

[Goosemaster]

my old physics prof, Dr. Venkat (venkateraman...)

Venkat: Look at the doughnut; do not look through the hole. If you look through the hole, you will not see the doughnut. Look at the doughnut.

Venkat: Do not combine x and y, because if you do you are in deep...

Class: Sh!t.

 

[SVT Cobra]

Now remember, if you want that A don't tell anyone about this, certainly not my husband. Now hold on while I call the guy at playboy and tell him I am going to be late for the shoot, because my class ran a little late.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: SVT Cobra
Now remember, if you want that A don't tell anyone about this, certainly not my husband. Now hold on while I call the guy at playboy and tell him I am going to be late for the shoot, because my class ran a little late.

SVT wouldn't cut it....you'd need to be Shelby for that action...

 

[SVT Cobra]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: Goosemaster
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: SVT Cobra
Now remember, if you want that A don't tell anyone about this, certainly not my husband. Now hold on while I call the guy at playboy and tell him I am going to be late for the shoot, because my class ran a little late. </end quote></div>

SVT wouldn't cut it....you'd need to be Shelby for that action...</end quote></div>

That's not what Saleen-a said to me last night.

Don't be in such a Rousch to assume I am making that quote up.

 

[Random Variable]

"It's not going to suck itself."

 

[msparish]

Physics professor (same for all the quotes):
"In Russia we do this problem when we are 14. Here you do it as Senior in college. That OK."

"So sexy." (Referring to a derivation)

"Car's have springs? I don't know anything about that, it is kitchen physics."

 

[TheoPetro]

Week before Halloween. "please be safe this weekend class and remember to NEVER drink and derive"

Calc 3

 

[Analog]

"That code is simply not Sexy.."

"If you split up the integral, you get a french fry" (in a Chinese accent).

In response to not giving partial credit on tests:

"Engineer build bridge, bridge fall down, No partial credit!" (in a Chinese accent).

 

[thehstrybean]

Dr. Workinger in my Latin American Archaeology class:
"Yeah, I was debating on telling that to you guys. The Mayan calendar does end. It's supposed to end 21 December 2012. Wait. Why are you all writing that down?! You won't need to know it, and don't come complaining to me when it doesn't end. No it won't be on the exam. Why in the hell are you guys writing that down? What, are you going to use it like a pickup line? You're in a bar, 'Hey, have you heard the world's gonna end on December 21, 2012? Here, let me show you using the long count.' Yeah. Let me know how that works out."

 

[keird]

These are great.

 

[clickynext]

Prof with bad hearing while a student was asking him a question during a powerpoint presentation: "Wait a second, wait a second, let me turn on a light... it is too dark in here to hear."

 

[Gooberlx2]

"Now if the receptor site is blocked by the anTI......*ahem*...excuse me, I just hit puberty today."

Dr. Buiser, Molec Cell Biol....the guy was a tiny little philipino.

 

[vshah]

"Both of you three, i need to see you after class"

 

[rikadik]

One of my Law professors just comes out with some generally funny stuff:


"I'd disclose. I'd disclose left, right and center! I don't wanna go to jail..."


"I'd quite like to have online lectures, multiple choice in exams, have computers mark the exams... that is the dream! But I don't think they'd let me be a module co-ordinator..."


"I quite like Borris... not on first name terms but he's not here so I'll call him Borris."


"I love money laundering!....no wait..."


"Those stupid criminals..."

 

[yankeesfan]

Not me, but from bash.org

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

 

[oiprocs]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: yankeesfan
Not me, but from bash.org

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^</end quote></div>

Ouch. :laugh: :thumbsup:

"Yes, we will be having class on Friday. I know it's the concert, and I will be drunk as well, but at least let's be here for 10 minutes, ok?"

 

[pray4mojo]

way too many from my engineering professors. i should've taken notes on their quotes instead of all those damn diagrams.

 

[Mucho]

The one thats sticks in my mind: "Unless a war breaks out all you guys are going to be unemployed."

 

[sdifox]

First day of my 4th year OS class back in the days. "80% of you will fail this course. I guarantee it."

PS It did come to that.

 

[Safeway]

A cost estimating professor of mine was making reference to design.

"I was in Japan in one of those, you know, ninja houses ... "

 

[Martin]

Student: "... but I think that..."
A chem eng prof: "No, don't think. Thinking gets you into trouble"

 

[ngvepforever2]

"Welcome to your first day in BIO 103 my name is "----", I have a PhD in Statistics." (Freshman Bio Class)

"I was a COBOL programmer for IBM and from what I can tell you will all be miserable this semester" (freshman CS class)

"Today is a great day, you will finally know why all the calculus you learned is important" (Algorithm analysis class)

"Today is my birthday and I had to come to lecture you, take out a sheet of paper because you have a quiz today" (Formal Methods and languages class)

History Professor: "What are you studying"
Me: "Computer Science"
History Professor: "Is there a lot of math involved in that?"
Me: "WTF?"

"I won't be here teaching after this semester, I will be going work for the World Bank, they are sending me on a mission" (Biology Lab professor)

ng

 

[fleshconsumed]

This is how one of the CS professors explained pigeonhole principle:

"Suppose you have n pigeons and m > n pellets for your BB gun. After you shoot all of your pellets, at least one pigeon will have more than one hole in it"

 

[DrPizza]

I wish I had the file on my computer at home... a few years ago, some of my students started writing down quotes from me in calculus and physics classes. Upon graduation a year ago, one of the students presented me a file with quotes from the classes... at least I know that by saying quotable things, I was keeping their attention on what I was saying.

A few I remember
"There are four methods to solving a problem like this. Unfortunately, two of those methods are the same as the other two methods."

Upon learning about Newton's law of cooling and approaching the problem using differential equations with an integrating factor; we had just completed a CSI type of problem about a murder victim's body temperature and estimating the time of death.
"So, what did we learn from this problem?" <a few gratuitous student responses, not really close to what I was really looking for, so I went in a totally different direction...> "That's really not the important thing. I think that what we learned is that if you're ever going to kill someone, bring bags of ice. That way, you can create a perfect alibi. Jeez, I keep trying to keep this course so you can apply it to the real world, but you guys keep missing the important points."

The valedictorian swore that she was going to use that quote during her speech at graduation: "if you're ever going to kill someone, bring bags of ice."

 

[Unmoosical]

Reply to a student asking what ID numbers we needed to put on our first exam.

"You don't need to put your PID down, all I need is your bank account number."