Locut0s
Lifer
My gandparents are in their late 80's with ailing health.
My grandfather recovered from Cancer a few years back but unfortunately he has relapsed and my grandmothers mental condition has deteriorated seriously in the past few years. The problem is not if they should move into a facility, even they have decided that they should, but what they can afford. They have been living an unrealistic lifestyle that while good for many years they simply can no longer financially support. My grandfather drives a large car that he can't afford to keep on the road much longer, and they spend money on some things that they shouldn't. Amazingly at his age he still golfs and curls when he can though. Basically my uncle wants them to move into a really nice facility while at the same time have the family fund the life style they are living now. The problem is not that we do not want to do this but that we can't afford the amount of money that he proposes we all spend. The thing is that he proposes we all spend the same equal sum when the reality is that he earns easily 3-4 if not 5 or 6 times what we do, for example they have a million dollar home and a cottage that is almost as expensive that they are adding on to. My other uncle is also quite well off. We don't live poorly by any means, our house is probably around 500k, however we live very close to our means, in fact my father has to take on extra work. He came up with this sum after having talked with my grandparents and basically made it sound like this is what was going to happen, didn't consult us over the issue, and didn't let my grandparents know what he was proposing. If we were to go ahead with this my father would have to take on another job, basically working all the time while my uncle would not have to do anything of the kind. My other uncle who is on our side can afford this even less. Basically our solution is to bring our grandparents out west to a cheaper facility out here and have them live a more realistic frugal lifestyle. However a plus is that three of their 4 sons are out here to keep them company.
There are varying degrees of selfishness all round in this mess and it seems guilt tripping is the name of the game on both sides, though more so on his side. The uncle that supports us said that while he can not afford the amount of money that is being asked he could help to pay for my grandfathers monthly golfing membership, not cheap. To which he got a reply that the amount he was willing to pay was insulting. He has also tried the "honour they father and mother" line on us, despite the fact that he is not religious. Perhaps we are not willing to pay as much money as we should I don't know anymore but if bringing my grandparents out here and offering to spent time with them, time he does not have, as a family is not honouring them I don't know what is. Exacerbating the issue is the large political ideological gap between two of my father, the uncle that supports us, and the uncle on the other side of this.
My grandfather recovered from Cancer a few years back but unfortunately he has relapsed and my grandmothers mental condition has deteriorated seriously in the past few years. The problem is not if they should move into a facility, even they have decided that they should, but what they can afford. They have been living an unrealistic lifestyle that while good for many years they simply can no longer financially support. My grandfather drives a large car that he can't afford to keep on the road much longer, and they spend money on some things that they shouldn't. Amazingly at his age he still golfs and curls when he can though. Basically my uncle wants them to move into a really nice facility while at the same time have the family fund the life style they are living now. The problem is not that we do not want to do this but that we can't afford the amount of money that he proposes we all spend. The thing is that he proposes we all spend the same equal sum when the reality is that he earns easily 3-4 if not 5 or 6 times what we do, for example they have a million dollar home and a cottage that is almost as expensive that they are adding on to. My other uncle is also quite well off. We don't live poorly by any means, our house is probably around 500k, however we live very close to our means, in fact my father has to take on extra work. He came up with this sum after having talked with my grandparents and basically made it sound like this is what was going to happen, didn't consult us over the issue, and didn't let my grandparents know what he was proposing. If we were to go ahead with this my father would have to take on another job, basically working all the time while my uncle would not have to do anything of the kind. My other uncle who is on our side can afford this even less. Basically our solution is to bring our grandparents out west to a cheaper facility out here and have them live a more realistic frugal lifestyle. However a plus is that three of their 4 sons are out here to keep them company.
There are varying degrees of selfishness all round in this mess and it seems guilt tripping is the name of the game on both sides, though more so on his side. The uncle that supports us said that while he can not afford the amount of money that is being asked he could help to pay for my grandfathers monthly golfing membership, not cheap. To which he got a reply that the amount he was willing to pay was insulting. He has also tried the "honour they father and mother" line on us, despite the fact that he is not religious. Perhaps we are not willing to pay as much money as we should I don't know anymore but if bringing my grandparents out here and offering to spent time with them, time he does not have, as a family is not honouring them I don't know what is. Exacerbating the issue is the large political ideological gap between two of my father, the uncle that supports us, and the uncle on the other side of this.
