Explanation for dad's behavior?

[AgaBoogaBoo]

The past few months my dad talks like no one in the family cares for him. He complains sometimes that my mom treats him badly and that no one really cares for him in general.

Yesterday I guess my mom had a headache or something and when she came home my brother and dad gave her a massage and were nice, but even later she kept complaining about it. My dad feels like my moms treats him like sh!t and that no one cares in general.

He's in his mid-40's so I'm wondering if it could be related to his age and be something people go through.

None of these issues are big issues or really have a long story, it's just small stuff that makes him feel this way. I'm never sure how to handle this because I think this might be something he should deal with on his own.

Oh yeah, today we planned on going out for dinner. He said it would be better if my mom, brother, and I went without him. He just went out for a drive

I'm looking for any advice/past experiences you guys might have with this.

 

[xXped0thugXx]

Sounds like some issues that he has to deal with on his own.

It wouldnt be a bad idea if you guys did something small for him or got him a card or something to show he is appreciated.

Just a thought.

 

[Wingznut]

Women have this bad habit of making their husbands feel as if their wants/needs are mostly insignificant and that nothing they do is good enough for their wife.

Dr Laura actually wrote a book about this recently. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (Amazon link)

This attitude isn't overwhelming or obvious. But it's something that grates on a man in an accumulative manner, and after a while, he just feels that he may as well give up trying.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: xXped0thugXx
Sounds like some issues that he has to deal with on his own.

It wouldnt be a bad idea if you guys did something small for him or got him a card or something to show he is appreciated.

Just a thought.

While the card is a good idea, I don't think that will do anything to this situation. It might seem a bit like "false caring" because we'd be trying to show it through a card.

 

[Gurck]

Originally posted by: Wingznut
Women have this bad habit of making their husbands feel as if their wants/needs are mostly insignificant and that nothing they do is good enough for their wife.

Dr Laura actually wrote a book about this recently. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (Amazon link)

This attitude isn't overwhelming or obvious. But it's something that grates on a man in an accumulative manner, and after a while, he just feels that he may as well give up trying.

There's nothing quite so subtle about it. All women are ****s.

 

[sniperruff]

watch him buy a brand new mustang GT in the near future.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: Wingznut
Women have this bad habit of making their husbands feel as if their wants/needs are mostly insignificant and that nothing they do is good enough for their wife.

Dr Laura actually wrote a book about this recently. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (Amazon link)

This attitude isn't overwhelming or obvious. But it's something that grates on a man in an accumulative manner, and after a while, he just feels that he may as well give up trying.

Hmm, I think that might be related a little, but that was just one incident, I don't think other things are like that.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: sniperruff
watch him buy a brand new mustang GT in the near future.

Nah, we have other plans made up

It'll be about a year from now, but we've got something planned

 

[xXped0thugXx]

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: xXped0thugXx
Sounds like some issues that he has to deal with on his own.

It wouldnt be a bad idea if you guys did something small for him or got him a card or something to show he is appreciated.

Just a thought.

While the card is a good idea, I don't think that will do anything to this situation. It might seem a bit like "false caring" because we'd be trying to show it through a card.

Through him a party and invite everyone that cares about him. Take him out someplace that he likes and have a heart to heart. Some times the little things like a card will mean more than you think.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Might be a good idea to watch for signs of depression. It's more common than many think.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: xXped0thugXx

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: xXped0thugXx
Sounds like some issues that he has to deal with on his own.

It wouldnt be a bad idea if you guys did something small for him or got him a card or something to show he is appreciated.

Just a thought.

While the card is a good idea, I don't think that will do anything to this situation. It might seem a bit like "false caring" because we'd be trying to show it through a card.

Through him a party and invite everyone that cares about him. Take him out someplace that he likes and have a heart to heart. Some times the little things like a card will mean more than you think.

That's not a bad idea about the party at all, I'll consider that.

 

[her209]

Affair in 3, 2, ...

 

[spidey07]

he's suffering from depression.

Have him get screened and/or treated.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Might be a good idea to watch for signs of depression. It's more common than many think.

What kind of signs should I look for? I know there's one or two things he's trying to improve in his life, but I don't think those would depress him.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: her209
Affair in 3, 2, ...

Nah, I know that isn't happening and won't happen

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Might be a good idea to watch for signs of depression. It's more common than many think.

What kind of signs should I look for? I know there's one or two things he's trying to improve in his life, but I don't think those would depress him.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

It doesn't really work like that and there isn't a magic key to turn.

Generaly male symptoms are withdrawing, feelings of hopelessness, unappreciated, outbursts of anger, feeling like a burden, etc.

 

[minendo]

Mid-life crisis

My dad's been going through it for years. It explains the two British sports cars, 3 dodge stealths, and 2 luxury cars we own.

 

[Siva]

Explanation for dad's behavior?

Mom stop putting out.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: her209
Affair in 3, 2, ...

Nah, I know that isn't happening and won't happen

maybe he suspects your mother of having an affair? why would she complaing about a massage?

 

[Coquito]

Originally posted by: Wingznut
Women have this bad habit of making their husbands feel as if their wants/needs are mostly insignificant and that nothing they do is good enough for their wife.

Dr Laura actually wrote a book about this recently. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (Amazon link)

This attitude isn't overwhelming or obvious. But it's something that grates on a man in an accumulative manner, and after a while, he just feels that he may as well give up trying.

My father acts just like what the OP described, plus he also treats my mother in the way you described women do to thier husbands. Of course he's depressed, but he acts like such a baby. He doesn't clean up after himself, he doesn't want to do anything with the family, super defensive about everything, obese, very childish at the most unoportunistic times possible(dribbling a basket ball in the living room at 12:30am, blasting the tv), heavy drinker, pot head, just a terrible person to be around once he gets started. He puts my mother & her family down just to make himself feel better. He's self destructing, & doesn't care who he takes out. I'm not going to baby sit this guy & wipe his ass for him. I'm sorry I feel this way, but he hasn't been my father past the time I was able to walk to school by myself. If he wants his family back... whatever, I'm just sick of talking about it.

 

[KarenMarie]

Is your father justified in his opinion? Does your mom not treat him right? Does the rest of the family not appreciate him enough?

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: her209
Affair in 3, 2, ...

Nah, I know that isn't happening and won't happen

He'll pick up some 22 y.o. chick who gives him any sort of attention and appreciation.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Is your father justified in his opinion? Does your mom not treat him right? Does the rest of the family not appreciate him enough?

I think he somewhat is, but he could be handling it better if he wishes. Thing is, when I see the way my friends treat their parents, it's like they're always b!tching at them. I know for a fact I treat my parents with more respect than that

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: her209
Affair in 3, 2, ...

Nah, I know that isn't happening and won't happen

maybe he suspects your mother of having an affair? why would she complaing about a massage?

Nothing of that sort, I know.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Is your father justified in his opinion? Does your mom not treat him right? Does the rest of the family not appreciate him enough?

I think he somewhat is, but he could be handling it better if he wishes. Thing is, when I see the way my friends treat their parents, it's like they're always b!tching at them. I know for a fact I treat my parents with more respect than that

I dont know how old you are, but my guess would be that you are old enough to approach him in private.. man to man..

tell him that you love him and are worried about him because it is obvious that he is unhappy. Tell him that you want to help him feel as good about himself as the rest of you feel about him. Tell him that you know you dont often show it, but you love and respect him and will be there is he ever needs to talk to you.

Being in the same age range, I can tell you that parents are people too. Although I never looked at my parents as people when I was growning up (just mom and dad) I can look back and see what they went thru. There are times when we just want to rage out of frustration and times that we wonder what the point of it all is.

Talk to him.