everything bad The Gang ever did.

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shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
82,854
17,365
136
A short story, by Shorty. (need to relax before my interviews)


1-01: Assumed a black man was trying to rob their bar. Assumed gay men wanted to ravage them. Shut down a gay-themed bar when they realized it would not get them girls. Used a black girl as a cover to prove they're not racist. Lied to the Waitress.
1-02: Switch sides at abortion protest to score more babes. Threw eggs at each other and at random protestors. Took a little boy to the free clinic in a bad part of town. Had unprotected sex then encouraged a not-pregnant girl to abort her not-baby. Lied to the Waitress.
1-03: Let underage high-schoolers drink. Encouraged underage high-schoolers to drink. Dated underage high-schoolers. Dated legal high-schoolers. Tried to get high on Elmers glue. Brought beer to a high school party. Engaged in high school gossip. Got drunk before prom. Tried to seduce an underage boy.
1-04: Made light of cancer. Made fun of transgenders. Lied to girls in bars. Took advantage of a girl in distress to improve their business. Slept with a girl under false pretenses. Lied about having cancer. Punched a transgender. Punched Mac in the face. Paid a woman to date Charlie. Lied to the Waitress.
1-05: Buy a gun after one robbery. Offers rice krispy treats in lieu of rent. Gambled the rent payment. Shot a gun in a basement. Left a loaded gun sitting unattended in a bar, no holster. Lost a gun. Stole a gun. Used a gun to intimidate a landlord. Accused an innocent man of burglary. Shot an innocent man. Wrapped a trash bag over a man with a head injury. Attempted insurance fraud. Lied about getting rid of a gun.
1-06: Poked a body with a pool cue. Locked a dead body in the bar. Lied to the board of health about a fatality. Abandonded their grandfather in a nursing home. Lied to a grieving woman. Screamed at a little old lady. Hired homeless men to impersonate friends of deceased. Wore Nazi uniforms. Sold another mans property. Lied about the deceased. Lied about charity work. Kept a Nazi hat for personal use.
1-07: Made light of molestation. Tried to psychoanalyze a man after one semester of psychology. Encouraged morons to make false claims against their high school coach. Had sex with their college professor. Attempted to seduce a high school coach. Lied to a woman about her son being molested. Lied about being molested. Ruined a mans reputation.
 
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nakedfrog

nakedfrog

No Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
58,133
12,316
136
Dirigible said:
The gang are the main characters from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia," you uncultured cretin. Fuckin' lowbrow mouthbreathers ruining online forums, and society in general.
Click to expand...
Hey, I've seen a number of episodes of that!

And the number is ABOVE zero!
 
shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
82,854
17,365
136
nakedfrog said:
Yeah, I once described it as being kinda like Seinfeld with poor people. Suppose I could add "mentally unstable" too.
Click to expand...
that's basically it.
Awful people doing awful things that are mostly unbelievable yet somehow possible. Also no hugging and no learning.
Also, the Seinfeld gang never suffered for their evil until the final episode of the series. The Sunny gang suffers every 5 minutes but they're too dumb to learn, so they keep on getting punished.
 
zinfamous

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
110,568
29,182
146
Dirigible said:
The gang are the main characters from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia," you uncultured cretin. Fuckin' lowbrow mouthbreathers ruining online forums, and society in general.



Good luck with your interviews, Shorty.


Happy Christmas to the rest of you bitches.
Click to expand...

whoa...where did you come from??
 
zinfamous

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
110,568
29,182
146
shortylickens said:
Dude, you REALLY need to watch the show.

These are quite possibly the most awful human beings on planet earth.
Click to expand...

It's been a while since I watched that show, and I didn't recall any of those stories. ....at some point I will get around to watching the rest of it, maybe. I got through half the seasons (this was more than 4 years ago, though) and couldn't take it anymore. Not because I didn't like it...it was just too much. Got to the point of "OK, I get this....but I don't really need any more of it"
 
repoman0

repoman0

Diamond Member
Jun 17, 2010
4,473
3,312
136
Best one is when they find a baby in a dumpster and try to exploit it by making it a child model. When told that white babies aren’t in fashion they take it to a tanning salon ...
 
shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
82,854
17,365
136
2-01: Tried to ditch their father. Crippled Charlie. Lied about mom dying. Lied to strippers. Ripped off moms house. Raced wheelchairs down the apartment hallway at night. Took advantage of drunk women. Destroyed family and childhood heirlooms. Lied to women about being handicapped. Lied to a handicapped man. Raced wheelchairs thru a mall causing an accident. Lied about being disabled veterans. Drove drunk. Caused a serious collision. Injured 5 people.

2-02: Insulted a foreigner. Insulted wife in front of guests. Tried coercing a lawyer into illegal activities. Stole from their mother. Threw TP over a rivals building. Picked a fight with ex-wifes new boyfriend. Stole a dog. Locked a dog in a tiny room. Made a racist terrorism video. Threw a bag of flaming poo into an empty building, burning it down.

2-03: Skip out on a 64 dollar bill. Bring beer to an AA meeting. Hosted illegal gambling in a bar. Lied about alcoholism to spend time with a girl. Picked only black kids to play basketball. Showed sexism in sports. Elbowed a family member. Tried to seduce a woman who repeatedly stated she had no romantic intentions. Encouraged violence in a kids league game. Gambled on a kids league game. Sabotaged a kids league game. Got drunk before coaching a kids league game. Stole the ball during a kids league game. Shaved points on a kids league game. Blamed a sponsor for behavior while drunk.

2-04: Skip on on work leaving their co-owners alone. Applied for unemployment benefits while owning a functioning business. Drink beer on the street in the middle of the day. Bought jewlery with unemployment money. Defraud a government welfare system to get slave labor. Hide assets from marriage. Pretending to be retarded and addicted to get welfare. Smoke crack to clear a drug test. Pee in front of a cleaning lady. Drained a friends bank account. Abuse day laborers and injure them. Used prostitutes without paying.

2-05: Oggled friends nude wife. Banged friends mom. Manipulate a waitress to get out of work. Manipulate friends to get out of work. Attempt to seduce a friends mom. Manipulate a waitress to hurt friends in vengeance. Struck a friend. Banged a waitress 40 years younger. Lied to the Waitress.

2-06: Run for office to skip out on taxes. Sabotage each others run for office. Asked a union boss for a bribe. Tried to coerce a mom into a photo op. Dressed up a woman like a whore to get political support. Engage in extortion and racketeering with a union boss. Suggested murdering a candidate. Bribed police.

2-07: Abandon a woman to an armed mugger. Trick a man into underground fighting. Gambled on underground fighting. Coerced daughter into boxing. Teach horrible weightlifting technique. Drinking before a fight. Taking steroids. Beat up innocents. Paralyzed a girl. Gave a friend over to a mugger.

2-08: Blew smoke in a friends face. Ran a sweatshop in Vietnam. Started a fight with street actors. Gambled in a bar. Played Russian Roulette.

2-09: Slept in the bar. Insulted daughters looks. Exploited Christians for money. Made fun of a priest. Played pranks on a priest. Seduced a priest. Exploited an old man. Blasphemed. Ran an evangelical scam. Lied during confession. Let a priest tea-bag an unconscious man.

2-10: Signed up for MySpace. Talked dirty in a nice restaurant. Made a scene in a restaurant. Insulted wife in front of strangers and kids. Stepped over father laying on ground from heart attack. Shot a handgun at the ceiling. Stalked a man in preparation for murder. Huffed Elmers glue from a paper bag. Lied about charity to impress a girl. Conspired to commit assault and battery. Lied about assault and battery. Fucked Charlies mom. Abandoned Charlies mom. Attempted to smuggle heroin into prison via anus.
 
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shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
82,854
17,365
136
3-01: Littered. Neglected a baby. Smoked in front of a baby. Picked a fight with hipsters. Swimmed in trash. Exploited an abandoned baby for money. Tried to tan a baby. Fought bums for trash. Filled the bar with trash. Slept on the street. Tricked a hipster into abandoning his girlfriend. Slept in the dumpster. Fucked Charlies mother. Insulted Charlies mother. Stole a baby. Used a baby to score with women. Painted a baby.

3-02: Practice sexism against women. Drank beer before trying out for a football team. Peed in a parking lot. Started a fight with strangers. Dropped acid, twice. Fought with the McPoyles. Argued with the coach. Smoked on a bus. Tackled a girl. Tricked a friend into taking acid. Kicked a ball into a players face. Shot a handgun into a crowd.

3-03: Pointed a gun at a person. Offered a woman to potential murderers. Conspire against each other to be murdered. Play games while under threat of death. Plotted to kill a man trying to save them. Tried to kill a man dangling from a ledge.

3-04: Laughed about a woman dying. Bad mouthed a dead woman. Verbally assaulted a lawyer. Tried to read a girls locked diary. Lied about marriage to scam an inheritance. Engaged in gay-hating behavior. Tied up a guy and threw knives at him. Faked a marriage. Robbed a grave for jewelry.

3-05: Collect leftover beer, mix it together, pass it off as a local microbrew. Declared war on Korean restaurant. Breaking and entering, in view of one hundred witnesses. Used lies to poach a waitress. Insulted an auditioner. Got drunk and harassed a restaurant owner. Slept with a dirty bum to steal secret recipe. Tried to soak a 12 year old in a t-shirt involuntarily.

3-06: Stole a t-shirt. Lied to an old friend. Insulted sisters whole life. Huffed gold spray paint. Sexually harassed a woman. Masturbated to a friends clothing drawings. Put daughter into a sweatshop. Extorted and coerced friends into free labor. Body shamed a model. Breaking and entering. Abused family. Abused laborers. Played Nazi propaganda. Lied about sales.

3-07: Claimed In Touch was better news than a local paper. Threw rocks at cats. Exploited senior citizens to create fake news. Accused a chinese man of having bird flu after he coughed. Abandoned passed-out sister for club sluts. Took ecstasy to fit in with club sluts. Verbally abused club security. Lied about abandoned kittens to create fake news. Set daughter on fire. Set kittens on fire. Stomped kittens. Vomited to lose weight and impress models. Got high and danced in diapers to be on cable basic access.

3-09: Made fun of retards. Huffed glue. Trashed a hotel room for the image. Broke up with a man and called him a retard.

3-10: Insulted sister. Accused friend of serial killing without evidence. Shamed a transexual. Stalked a friend. Dressed sister like a whore. Broke into an apartment. Paid off a pimp for sister. Stole tools. Impersonated a serial killer. Harassed a mother. Impersonated a lawyer. Contemplated murder for research. Stalked a waitress. Killed a friends plants. Broke into an apartment to stage a scam.

3-11: Harassed a woman trying to help them. Drove a man around to kill and rob people. Took off shirt at a public playground. Started a fight with parents. Lied to the courts to get a man thrown in prison. Coerced a child into lying. Helped a felon break parole rules.

3-12: Attempted to kill each other with electricity. Stole speakers from truck. Kept drugs found in speakers. Tried to sell drugs on the street. Sold drugs to a thief. Whored themselves for drug money. Started a scene at a nice country club. Stole a golf cart. Worked for gangsters.

3-13: Licked cocaine. Tried to sell cocaine to random street people. Encouraged a priest to sell cocaine. Sold out friends to gangsters. Pimped out son. Slapped son. Ate cocaine. Set a horse loose in the city. Sold someone else's property. Insulted a mobsters wife.

3-14: Watched a bum masturbate. Suggesting beating the homeless. Drove thru a red light. Engaged in vigilantism. Beat up a bum. Impersonated police. Mooched hot dogs. Performed a terrible Serpico impression. Wasted desk sergeants time. Extorted civilians. Fed gasoline to a cat. Lit a car on fire. Lit a cat on fire.

3-15: Backtalks boss. Non-owner signs bar into legal agreement. Argued with and demeaned waitress. Tried to seduce married woman. Lied to married woman. Sabotaged friends. Forgot to wear deodorant. Drugged dancers without consent. Sabotaged strangers. Vomited on a dance floor. Beat a girl. Coerced hobos into crime.
 
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shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
82,854
17,365
136
4-01: Stole meat. Lied about being Rambo. Fed human meat to unsuspecting friends. Became addicted to human meat. Kidnapped man. Hunted man. Gorilla'd a friend. T-bagged a friend. Stalked friends. Buttered up a homeless man for eating. Fed racoon to unsuspecting friends. Tried to butcher a friend. Threatened a friend.

4-02: Burned gasoline to power the bar. Insult female banker. try to sexually assault female banker. waterboarded a man. Poured gasoline into a trash can. Swallowed gasoline. Threatened to blow up a gas station. Tried to return gasoline. Famed a man for terrorism and pedophilia. Plotted to murder father. Blew fireballs. Pretended to be Texans. Scammed citizens. Waterboarded daughter. Exploded an innocent mans car. Used ghostbusters theme without permission.

4-03: Spent 5000 dollars on crotch lasers. Spent 5000 dollars on a sword. Spent 6000 dollars on a camcorder. Insult son and daughters appearance. Smacked friend with a pie involuntarily. Performs a racist impersonation of a latina. Discriminates against small-breasted women. Smacks friend in face with volleyball. Failed to pay professionals for services rendered. Performs a racist Chinese impersonation. Sexually harass women during interviews. Teased models with jobs they weren't going to get. Lied to models about jobs.

4-04: Attached fireworks to self. Lit self on fire. Drove up a jump ramp and crashed into a brick wall. Lied to friend about seeing the Waitress. Peed in bed. Ate all the pizza. Drank all the beer. Manipulated each other into breaking up a relationship. Made sex tapes without consent. Stole property. Jumped off a roof, broke elbow.

4-05: Lied to parole board about an inmate. Plotted to kill selves and start new lives under false identities. Made a glory hole in the rest room. Removed three teeth to fake deaths. Stole car keys. Broke window. Crashed a friends car. Bought drugs and grenades from a pawn shop. Used illegal drugs. Shot a friends car. Complained about food quality at an orgy. Faked suicide.

4-06: Failed to honor friends final wishes. Tried to glory-hole a friends mom. Ignored sister in need. Plot to traumatize people. Glory-holed a friend. Cancelled a party over not getting laid.

4-07: Watched Sex In the City. Pooped in a bed. Accused a friend of bed-pooping without evidence. Ignored bed poop. Brought poop into a bar. Abandoned sister to investigate poop. Scared the Waitress. Stalked the Waitress. Harassed and insulted lab scientist. Gave poop to an economist. Ate newspaper, plastic, and wolf hair. Coerced waitress into hanging out. Told strangers about bleached assholes. Give booze to an alcoholic. Stole shoes. Ran into a car. Never learned Waitress real name. Pooped on a bar floor. Let a drunk woman walk around the streets. Eaves Dropped. Pooped a bed in revenge. Jealous of poop. Hid poop. Coerced Rickety Cricket into forging poop. Tricked Waitress into bag-pooping.

4-08: Called a man homosexual for ordering wine. Threatened a man, spit in his coffee. Kidnapped a man. Broke into a mans house, trashed a mans house. Locked a man in a filthy bathroom. Kidnapped a neighbor. Broke into a car. Stole a cat. Attacked a man a second time.

4-09: Hung out in crawl space. Ate rat cheese. Stole coins from fountain. Spied on the Waitress. Made up stories fill out a memoir. Peed in a can. Did not empty pee can. Huffs food while drinking beer. Eats cat food. Beat a man across the skull to help his bogus story. Talked during a live performance. Vomited during a live performance. Made fake offer for the Philadelphia Eagles. Faked cancer. Took phone calls during a movie. Talked during a movie. Peed in fountain for 50 years.

4-10: Smoked weed in the bar. Ignored sister having heart attack. Cancelled kids insurance without telling them. Gave fake name at hospital. Took pills with booze. Insulted a gym instructor. Pretending to be missing employee. Smoked in mail room. Destroyed mail. Poisoned brothers face. Lost mail. Fabricated insane conspiracy theory.

4-11: Insulted George Washington. Vandalized presidential portrait. Falsely accused sister of witchcraft. Kept sister as slave. Beat a man for his pumpkins. Drew picture of rape. Spit on officer. Pimped out sister. Attempted to spy on patriots. Impersonated noblemen. Told lies to historical society.

4-12: Cried at Extreme Home Makeover. Broke into a home. Terrorized a mexican family. Kidnapped and ran off mexicans. Attacked a woman. Forced credit debt on an immigrant. Opened a house to be looted. Practiced racism against mexicans.

4-13: Fought over roles in a play. Scared waitress. Wrote and sang a pedophilia song. Ruined a musical. Lied to The Waitress.
 
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BurnItDwn

BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
26,072
1,553
126
Yea, always sunny is great.

I assume you have watched Trailer Park Boys as well (though not as clever, still a funny cesspit of depravity)
 
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