Locutus of Board
Diamond Member
1.That shirt looks very becoming on you..of course if I were on you Id be
coming too.
2. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me...Please??!!
3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
4. Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
5. Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put
them in your eyes!
6. Are you from Tennessee? Because youre the only ten I see!
7. That dress looks nice....Of course, itd look even better crumpled up in
the corner of my room.
8. Are you lost maam? Because heavens a long way from here.
9. Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I keep seeing myself
in your pants.
10. Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and well talk about the first thing that
pops up!?
11. Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow? Should I nudge you or call
you?
12. (Check females shirt tag)....Just as I thought, made in heaven!
13. Were your parents Greek gods? Because it takes two gods to make a
goddess.
14. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow
yours?
15. Nice to meet you, Im (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
16. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?
17. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
18. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?
19. My face is leaving in 10 minutes... are you gonna be on it or not?
20. Screw me if Im wrong, but isnt your name Gretchen?
21. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
22. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
23. Im new in town, could I get directions to your place?
24. Miss, if youve lost your virginity, could I have the box it came in?
25. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!
26. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
27. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
28. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No,
huh...So you want to go somewhere and talk?
29. Thats a nice shirt...could I talk you out of it?
30. (Female at the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?
31. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
32. Hey baby, you want to see something swell?
33. Hi, Im conducting a feel test to see how many women here have pierced
nipples...
34. Are you religious? Cause Im the answer to all your prayers!
35. I love every bone in your body...especially mine.
36. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they
were wings.
37. Pardon me, are you in heat?!
38. Are you O.K.? Because heavens a long fall from here.
39. You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I
together, Id get 69
40. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course theyd be better if they were eyeing
my pretty balls.
41. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
42. Can I borrow a quarter? Cause my mom told me to call home when I met the
girl of my dreams.
43. Was it love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
44. Youre good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
45. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
46. Your face or mine?
47. Hey, heres the word for the day: legs. Whatdya say we go upstairs and
spread the word?!
48. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
49. Hey Baby! Id like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a
feed bag!
50. Hey Baby! Id like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
51. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
52. Make a calling card that says.....Smile if you want to sleep with me!
Then watch your victim try to hold back her smile.
53. Hi, my names (_____), how do you like me so far?
54. Why dont you sit on my lap and well get things straight between the two
of us.
55. Hey baby! Wanna go get some pizza and screw? What you dont like pizza?
56. She: (to passing man) Do you have the time?
Him: Do you have the energy?
57. Bond. James Bond.
58. You know, Id really love to screw your brains out, but it appears
someone has already beat me to it.
59. You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book. So,
whats one more?
60. Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, blouse, etc.)
Him: I like nothing better.
61. Walk up to a lady at a social gathering (party, club, etc.) and simply
ask, "are you ready to go home now?
62. You know, Id give you a piece of my mind, but Ive got more of something
else.
63. At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask,
"Wanna roll?"
64. You know, youve got the prettiest teeth Ive ever dreamed of coming
across.
65. Thats a really nice smile youve got, shame thats not all you are
wearing.
66. Think you can dance in those shoes?
67. OK, you can stand next to me as long as you dont talk about the heat.
68. Ask girl if she likes jewelry. Then grab your nuts and say, Then suck
this, its a gem!
69. Youre No Parking right? Just trying to guess your sign.
70. Why dont you surprise your roommate/parents and not go home tonight?
71. Good looking waitress pouring a drink: Say when! Guy: As soon as I
finish this drink.
72. Lie down. I think I love you.
73. Whats a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
74. I can sense that youre a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
75. If I werent so romantic, Id shoot you.
76. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
77. My friend and I have a bet th you wont take off you blouse in a public
place.
78. Can you believe that just a few hours ago wed never even been to bed
together?
79. I know a great way to burn off the calories from that pastry you just
ate.
80. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned
body?
81. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets
inside out....) Would you like to?
*82.
83. Stand back, Im a doctor! You go get an ambulance and Ill loosen her
clothes.
84. If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 85.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
86. Hey baby, wanna play carnival? Thats where you sit on my face and I
guess your age and weight.
87. You: Tickle your ass with a feather? Her: What?! You: I said Particular
nice weather?'!
88. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face and Ill
Chew, chew, chew! (choo!)
89. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and Ill throw
you my meat.
90. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
Well, lets go on a picnic and find out!
91. Oh, youre a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you
take this for a swallow?
92. Stand back, Im a police officer! You go call for backup and Ill frisk
her!
93. Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
94. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
95. (At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal...) Honey, I
dont know where he is....(motioning to the preacher) but I do know Im here
with you
96. Baby, you look better and better each day...and tonight, you look like
tomorrow!
97. Heres a quarter....call your roomateand tell her you wont be coming
home tonight!
98. Hey baby, you smell, lets take a shower together!
99. Baby, you with those curves and me with no brakes! Mmmmm!
100. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little
boulder?!?
101. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
102. Can I borrow a quarter? [why?] Cuz I wanna call your mom and thank her!
103. Youre so hot, you melt the plastic in my underwear!
104. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and
take/eat what I want!
105. Lets go back to my place and do the things Ill tell everyone we did
anyway!
106. My name is ______. Just remember that, so youll know what to scream
later.
107. Nice shoes. Wanna fsck?
108. Can I flirt with you?
109. Your daddy must have been a baker, cuz you sure have a nice set of
buns!
110. [Checking her shirt tag] Just making sure you were the right size!
111. (Grab her butt...) Pardon me, is this seat taken?
112. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
113. Can I have directions? (to where?) To your heart!
114. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
115. So....how am I doin?
116. How bout you and me go back to my place and get you out of those wet
clothes?
117. (Tapping your leg) You just think this is my leg.
118. You know what would look good on you? Me!
119. Excuse me, but Im a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a
cab home together?
120. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, Hi
Kate! She says, Im not Kate! And you say, as your hand slips a little lower,
But you sure feel like her!
121. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight!
He: Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy each other sometime!
122. Pardon me, I was just about to go home and masturbate, and I was
wondering if you would mind if I fantasized about you? 123. Ive had a pretty
bad day, and it usually makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So,
would you smile for me?
124. Overheard in a computer lab: Just because our computers are
incompatible doesnt mean we are!
125. Hey baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
126. Hey, didnt we go to different schools together?
127. You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
128. Would you like Gin and plantonic, or would you prefer Scotch and sofa?
129. Whats your favorite position on extramarital sex?
130. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing
in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the
straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
131. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to
pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
132. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
133. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade!
134. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. In. Out.
135. Im on fire baby, can I run through your sprinkler?
136. Sex is a killer. Wanr from amnesia. Do I come here often?
137. I have only three months to live...
138. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat?
139. Hi! I'm Big Brother, and I've been watching you!
140. Where have you been all my life?
141. In the produce department: How can you tell if these things are ripe?
142. Hey, werent you Miss Virginia last year?
143. Dont worry about it. Nothing that youve ever done before counts. The
only thing that matters is that were together.
144. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been
drinking?
145. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz youre dope.
146. Hey baby, can I tickle your belly-button from the inside?
147. If I follow you home, will you keep me?
148. Hey, dont I know you? Yeah, youre the girl with the beautiful smil
149. Go up to a girl and tell her she has nice legs....then ask would she
mind if you named them. She says ok, and you say ok this one is Thanksgiving
and that one is Christmas.....would you mind if I visited between the
holidays?
150. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
151. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
152. As she's leaving....Hey arent you forgetting something? She: WhatMe!
153. Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
154. Hey baby, you wanna fu*k or should I apologize?
155. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
156. Want to see my stamp collection?
157. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it
ain't floppy.
158. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK
then, can we just practice?
159. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it off?
160. Do you know how to use a whip?
161. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
162. Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
163. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to
make for you in the morning!
164. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
165. You: Hi, wanna f**k?
Her: No!
Me: Mind lying down while I have one?
166. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without
me!
167. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
168. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
169. You: I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
Her: No.
You: Well then, please start.
170. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the
night?
171. Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some
friends because my face seats five.
172. Wanna go halves in a baby?
173. You: I hear you like to sing. Her: Yeah... You: (Whip out your pud)
Well, then step up to the mike!
174. Pardon me, what pickup line works best with you?
175. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
176. Can I see your tan lines?
177. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
178. Beauty is only a light switch away...
179. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
180. Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes.
181. Do you have a boyfriend?Well, when you want a MANfriend,come and talk
to me
182. I'll bet you 10 bucks I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds...
183. I was sitting here holding this cigarrete and I realized I'd rather be
holding you.
184. If your parents hadn't met I'd be very a very unhappy man right now!
185. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya
wanna do lunch?
186. Hey baby, sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better!
187. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves
from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
*188.
189. Motion your finger for girl to come over to you, when she gets there
say, I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with TWO!
190. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
191. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
192. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
193. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you
turn me on!
194. Stand still so I can pick you up!
195. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give it
to me, I'll call you and tell you the results.
196. I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
197. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
198. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
199. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
200. Man: (beckons woman with finger)
Woman🙁Approaches man)
Man: Do you always cum when someone fingers you?
201. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with
a biscuit!
202. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
203. Excuse me, I am going to masturbate and needed a name to go with the
face.
204. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth?
205. Do you want to hear a joke that'll make you laugh your tits off?.. Oh,
you've already heard it..
206. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
207. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
208. I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
209. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
210. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.
211. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
212. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her "do you want a f**k
(wait for a second gaugeing her reaction) and then say f...ing drink.
213. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a
tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
214. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
215. Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
216. I'd spend money on you I haven't even made.
217. I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over.
218. Baby, you look good coming AND going!
219. I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
220. I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or you
are a better woman than you are a person.
221. So...Do you f**k, or do I owe you an apology?
222. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad to eat ya!
223. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
224. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
No.
Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
225. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
226. He: You look like my third wife.
She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
He: Twice.
227. Take an icecube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken
the ice, will you sleep with me?"
228. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
229. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
230. You know what I like about you? My arms.
231. What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
232. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation?
233. You make my software turn to hardware!
234. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
235. Was you father an alien? No, why? Because there's nothing else like you
on earth! 236. Hey baby, How would you like to join me in some math? We'll
add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
237. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
238. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
239. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an
angel?
240. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
241. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the
room
242. There are 256 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?
243. As the sun illuminates the moon and the stars, so let us illumininate
each other.
244. Are you going places or just being taken?
245. If god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself.
246. I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours?
247. Gee Girl, your eyes remind me of cresent wrenches, every time I look
into them my nuts tighten!
248. Hey baby I want to take you to Hawii.To the island of "comona,
wanna,lay ya!
249. If you have a fake leg (or if you don't), rub hers and if she says
anything say "I'm sorry, I thought that was my leg.
250. Baby, if you were a flower, I would pick you!
251. Baby, you're so fine, you're my 9.9...
252. Hey, I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I'll give a
minute to catch your breath!
253. What's the best thing to come out of a penis? the wrinkles!
254. Hey baby, is your name Gillete? Cuz you're the best a man can get!
255. You know, I have a romantic side....let's go back to my room and see
how long it takes you to find out!
256. Girl, you must be a tater tot, cuz you're Orida!
257. (As they walk past) Why don't you come back here and fall in love with
me!
258. Girl, you've got more curves than a back-country road!
259. Baby, you're hotter than Georgia asphalt on a summer day!
260. Hey baby, will it bother you if I sleep in the nude?
261. Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!
262. She: You're so sweet...
He: Well, it's easy to be sweet when you're talking to sugar!
263. Hi, my name's coffee, cuz I'll keep you up all night!
264. Hey baby, you look like you need a one-way ticket on the roly-poly
express ride of love!
265. I saw your picture in the dictionary today, it was under KABAAM!
266. I hope you don't mind me giving you this rose, but, I just had to show
it how you beautiful you are...
267. Write a small note, at the end write: "Believe me when I say that my
heart cries out to you and if kisses could be sent in writing you would be
reading this letter with your lips.
268. She: I can't wait to get home and jump into bed!
He: Need somebody to break your fall?
269. Honey, you're just like a rifle, one cock and you blow.
270. Hey baby, I can do things that would make Madonna blush.
271. Would you like to see some jewels, they've been in my family for years?
272. Baby, you're just like a pie, you give everyone a piece.
273. Would you like coffee, tea, or me?
274. I'm just like the Energizer bunny. I keep going and going.
275. Hey, could you pick that up ?
She says "pick what up?"
My heart, it just fell at your feet. 276. If the sky was made of paper
and the oceans made of ink, I still wouldn't have enough space to describe
how beautiful I think you are.
277. My name's Snickers, cuz I'll really satisfy you.
278. While kissing someone passionately, suddenly pull away and while
looking deep into their eyes seductively say "This is a game... a very sexy
game."
279. Excuse me, do you work for Federal Express? I couldn't help but notice
you checking out my package.
280. Hey baby, you wanna play road? That's when you lay down and I blacktop
you!
281. Hey baby, I just got a new waterbed! Wanna make some waves?
282. Hey baby, I'm just like Kentucky Fried Chicken, I'll do you right!
283. Excuse me, I've lost my tampon string, would you care to help me find
it?
284. (Walk up to a chick and say) Excuse me... i couldn't help but noticing
you undressing me with your eyes...
285. Damn girl, you look so good, I don't know whether to eat you or say
hello!
286. Hey girl, you must work at KFC because you are finger licking good!
287. Hey baby, I'm a musician....wanna come see my organ?
288. Hey baby, I'm a musician....come home with me and see a great pianist!
289. Hey baby, why don't you ride me like the pony you never got for
christmas!
290. I feel like Richard Gere! Why? Because I'm standing next to a pretty
woman.
291. Nice Legs............What time do they open?
292. Is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
293. Let's go back to my place and play Pearl Harbor. I'll lie down and you
can blow the sh!t out of me.
294. Do you like rulers? Then pull on these 12 inches!
295. He : You remind me of a green bottle!
She : Why
He : Because I want to "Mount and Do" you
296. Twat? I cant hear you. I've got an ear infucktion. Tits ok, we'll
finger it out...
297. Baby, your just like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
298. Hey baby, wanna sit on my face and glaze me like a donut?
299. I want to fill your panties with onions and cry myself to sleep!
300. Baby, your parents must have been terrorists, cause you're da bomb!
301. He: Hey baby, do you like parties?
She: Yeah!
He: Well, climb up my leg and have a ball!
301. Hey baby, let's play house. You be a screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.
302. Is that a ladder in your panties or the stairway to heaven?
303. Hey baby, I hear your like a hardware store, 10 cents a screw!
304. Hey baby, I'm like Burger King...you can have me your way!
305. Do you sleep on your stomach? ["No."] Can I?
306. Is your man made out of glass? ["What?"] Is your man made out of glass?
["No, why?"] Drop him; he won't break.
307. Your name must be Daisy, because I have this incredible urge to plant
you right here!
308. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
309. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
310. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you
all day long for a quarter.
311. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night
long.
312. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.
313. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
314. You must be from Jamaica, because Jamaican me crazy.
coming too.
2. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me...Please??!!
3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
4. Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
5. Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put
them in your eyes!
6. Are you from Tennessee? Because youre the only ten I see!
7. That dress looks nice....Of course, itd look even better crumpled up in
the corner of my room.
8. Are you lost maam? Because heavens a long way from here.
9. Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I keep seeing myself
in your pants.
10. Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and well talk about the first thing that
pops up!?
11. Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow? Should I nudge you or call
you?
12. (Check females shirt tag)....Just as I thought, made in heaven!
13. Were your parents Greek gods? Because it takes two gods to make a
goddess.
14. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow
yours?
15. Nice to meet you, Im (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
16. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?
17. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
18. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?
19. My face is leaving in 10 minutes... are you gonna be on it or not?
20. Screw me if Im wrong, but isnt your name Gretchen?
21. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
22. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
23. Im new in town, could I get directions to your place?
24. Miss, if youve lost your virginity, could I have the box it came in?
25. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!
26. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
27. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
28. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No,
huh...So you want to go somewhere and talk?
29. Thats a nice shirt...could I talk you out of it?
30. (Female at the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?
31. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
32. Hey baby, you want to see something swell?
33. Hi, Im conducting a feel test to see how many women here have pierced
nipples...
34. Are you religious? Cause Im the answer to all your prayers!
35. I love every bone in your body...especially mine.
36. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they
were wings.
37. Pardon me, are you in heat?!
38. Are you O.K.? Because heavens a long fall from here.
39. You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I
together, Id get 69
40. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course theyd be better if they were eyeing
my pretty balls.
41. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
42. Can I borrow a quarter? Cause my mom told me to call home when I met the
girl of my dreams.
43. Was it love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
44. Youre good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
45. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
46. Your face or mine?
47. Hey, heres the word for the day: legs. Whatdya say we go upstairs and
spread the word?!
48. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
49. Hey Baby! Id like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a
feed bag!
50. Hey Baby! Id like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
51. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
52. Make a calling card that says.....Smile if you want to sleep with me!
Then watch your victim try to hold back her smile.
53. Hi, my names (_____), how do you like me so far?
54. Why dont you sit on my lap and well get things straight between the two
of us.
55. Hey baby! Wanna go get some pizza and screw? What you dont like pizza?
56. She: (to passing man) Do you have the time?
Him: Do you have the energy?
57. Bond. James Bond.
58. You know, Id really love to screw your brains out, but it appears
someone has already beat me to it.
59. You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book. So,
whats one more?
60. Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, blouse, etc.)
Him: I like nothing better.
61. Walk up to a lady at a social gathering (party, club, etc.) and simply
ask, "are you ready to go home now?
62. You know, Id give you a piece of my mind, but Ive got more of something
else.
63. At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask,
"Wanna roll?"
64. You know, youve got the prettiest teeth Ive ever dreamed of coming
across.
65. Thats a really nice smile youve got, shame thats not all you are
wearing.
66. Think you can dance in those shoes?
67. OK, you can stand next to me as long as you dont talk about the heat.
68. Ask girl if she likes jewelry. Then grab your nuts and say, Then suck
this, its a gem!
69. Youre No Parking right? Just trying to guess your sign.
70. Why dont you surprise your roommate/parents and not go home tonight?
71. Good looking waitress pouring a drink: Say when! Guy: As soon as I
finish this drink.
72. Lie down. I think I love you.
73. Whats a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
74. I can sense that youre a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
75. If I werent so romantic, Id shoot you.
76. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
77. My friend and I have a bet th you wont take off you blouse in a public
place.
78. Can you believe that just a few hours ago wed never even been to bed
together?
79. I know a great way to burn off the calories from that pastry you just
ate.
80. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned
body?
81. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets
inside out....) Would you like to?
*82.
83. Stand back, Im a doctor! You go get an ambulance and Ill loosen her
clothes.
84. If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 85.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
86. Hey baby, wanna play carnival? Thats where you sit on my face and I
guess your age and weight.
87. You: Tickle your ass with a feather? Her: What?! You: I said Particular
nice weather?'!
88. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face and Ill
Chew, chew, chew! (choo!)
89. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and Ill throw
you my meat.
90. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
Well, lets go on a picnic and find out!
91. Oh, youre a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you
take this for a swallow?
92. Stand back, Im a police officer! You go call for backup and Ill frisk
her!
93. Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
94. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
95. (At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal...) Honey, I
dont know where he is....(motioning to the preacher) but I do know Im here
with you
96. Baby, you look better and better each day...and tonight, you look like
tomorrow!
97. Heres a quarter....call your roomateand tell her you wont be coming
home tonight!
98. Hey baby, you smell, lets take a shower together!
99. Baby, you with those curves and me with no brakes! Mmmmm!
100. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little
boulder?!?
101. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
102. Can I borrow a quarter? [why?] Cuz I wanna call your mom and thank her!
103. Youre so hot, you melt the plastic in my underwear!
104. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and
take/eat what I want!
105. Lets go back to my place and do the things Ill tell everyone we did
anyway!
106. My name is ______. Just remember that, so youll know what to scream
later.
107. Nice shoes. Wanna fsck?
108. Can I flirt with you?
109. Your daddy must have been a baker, cuz you sure have a nice set of
buns!
110. [Checking her shirt tag] Just making sure you were the right size!
111. (Grab her butt...) Pardon me, is this seat taken?
112. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
113. Can I have directions? (to where?) To your heart!
114. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
115. So....how am I doin?
116. How bout you and me go back to my place and get you out of those wet
clothes?
117. (Tapping your leg) You just think this is my leg.
118. You know what would look good on you? Me!
119. Excuse me, but Im a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a
cab home together?
120. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, Hi
Kate! She says, Im not Kate! And you say, as your hand slips a little lower,
But you sure feel like her!
121. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight!
He: Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy each other sometime!
122. Pardon me, I was just about to go home and masturbate, and I was
wondering if you would mind if I fantasized about you? 123. Ive had a pretty
bad day, and it usually makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So,
would you smile for me?
124. Overheard in a computer lab: Just because our computers are
incompatible doesnt mean we are!
125. Hey baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
126. Hey, didnt we go to different schools together?
127. You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
128. Would you like Gin and plantonic, or would you prefer Scotch and sofa?
129. Whats your favorite position on extramarital sex?
130. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing
in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the
straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
131. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to
pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
132. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
133. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade!
134. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. In. Out.
135. Im on fire baby, can I run through your sprinkler?
136. Sex is a killer. Wanr from amnesia. Do I come here often?
137. I have only three months to live...
138. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat?
139. Hi! I'm Big Brother, and I've been watching you!
140. Where have you been all my life?
141. In the produce department: How can you tell if these things are ripe?
142. Hey, werent you Miss Virginia last year?
143. Dont worry about it. Nothing that youve ever done before counts. The
only thing that matters is that were together.
144. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been
drinking?
145. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz youre dope.
146. Hey baby, can I tickle your belly-button from the inside?
147. If I follow you home, will you keep me?
148. Hey, dont I know you? Yeah, youre the girl with the beautiful smil
149. Go up to a girl and tell her she has nice legs....then ask would she
mind if you named them. She says ok, and you say ok this one is Thanksgiving
and that one is Christmas.....would you mind if I visited between the
holidays?
150. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
151. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
152. As she's leaving....Hey arent you forgetting something? She: WhatMe!
153. Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
154. Hey baby, you wanna fu*k or should I apologize?
155. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
156. Want to see my stamp collection?
157. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it
ain't floppy.
158. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK
then, can we just practice?
159. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it off?
160. Do you know how to use a whip?
161. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
162. Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
163. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to
make for you in the morning!
164. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
165. You: Hi, wanna f**k?
Her: No!
Me: Mind lying down while I have one?
166. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without
me!
167. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
168. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
169. You: I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
Her: No.
You: Well then, please start.
170. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the
night?
171. Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some
friends because my face seats five.
172. Wanna go halves in a baby?
173. You: I hear you like to sing. Her: Yeah... You: (Whip out your pud)
Well, then step up to the mike!
174. Pardon me, what pickup line works best with you?
175. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
176. Can I see your tan lines?
177. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
178. Beauty is only a light switch away...
179. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
180. Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes.
181. Do you have a boyfriend?Well, when you want a MANfriend,come and talk
to me
182. I'll bet you 10 bucks I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds...
183. I was sitting here holding this cigarrete and I realized I'd rather be
holding you.
184. If your parents hadn't met I'd be very a very unhappy man right now!
185. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya
wanna do lunch?
186. Hey baby, sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better!
187. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves
from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
*188.
189. Motion your finger for girl to come over to you, when she gets there
say, I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with TWO!
190. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
191. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
192. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
193. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you
turn me on!
194. Stand still so I can pick you up!
195. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give it
to me, I'll call you and tell you the results.
196. I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
197. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
198. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
199. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
200. Man: (beckons woman with finger)
Woman🙁Approaches man)
Man: Do you always cum when someone fingers you?
201. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with
a biscuit!
202. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
203. Excuse me, I am going to masturbate and needed a name to go with the
face.
204. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth?
205. Do you want to hear a joke that'll make you laugh your tits off?.. Oh,
you've already heard it..
206. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
207. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
208. I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
209. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
210. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.
211. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
212. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her "do you want a f**k
(wait for a second gaugeing her reaction) and then say f...ing drink.
213. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a
tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
214. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
215. Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
216. I'd spend money on you I haven't even made.
217. I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over.
218. Baby, you look good coming AND going!
219. I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
220. I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or you
are a better woman than you are a person.
221. So...Do you f**k, or do I owe you an apology?
222. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad to eat ya!
223. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
224. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
No.
Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
225. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
226. He: You look like my third wife.
She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
He: Twice.
227. Take an icecube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken
the ice, will you sleep with me?"
228. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
229. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
230. You know what I like about you? My arms.
231. What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
232. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation?
233. You make my software turn to hardware!
234. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
235. Was you father an alien? No, why? Because there's nothing else like you
on earth! 236. Hey baby, How would you like to join me in some math? We'll
add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
237. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
238. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
239. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an
angel?
240. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
241. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the
room
242. There are 256 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?
243. As the sun illuminates the moon and the stars, so let us illumininate
each other.
244. Are you going places or just being taken?
245. If god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself.
246. I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours?
247. Gee Girl, your eyes remind me of cresent wrenches, every time I look
into them my nuts tighten!
248. Hey baby I want to take you to Hawii.To the island of "comona,
wanna,lay ya!
249. If you have a fake leg (or if you don't), rub hers and if she says
anything say "I'm sorry, I thought that was my leg.
250. Baby, if you were a flower, I would pick you!
251. Baby, you're so fine, you're my 9.9...
252. Hey, I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I'll give a
minute to catch your breath!
253. What's the best thing to come out of a penis? the wrinkles!
254. Hey baby, is your name Gillete? Cuz you're the best a man can get!
255. You know, I have a romantic side....let's go back to my room and see
how long it takes you to find out!
256. Girl, you must be a tater tot, cuz you're Orida!
257. (As they walk past) Why don't you come back here and fall in love with
me!
258. Girl, you've got more curves than a back-country road!
259. Baby, you're hotter than Georgia asphalt on a summer day!
260. Hey baby, will it bother you if I sleep in the nude?
261. Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!
262. She: You're so sweet...
He: Well, it's easy to be sweet when you're talking to sugar!
263. Hi, my name's coffee, cuz I'll keep you up all night!
264. Hey baby, you look like you need a one-way ticket on the roly-poly
express ride of love!
265. I saw your picture in the dictionary today, it was under KABAAM!
266. I hope you don't mind me giving you this rose, but, I just had to show
it how you beautiful you are...
267. Write a small note, at the end write: "Believe me when I say that my
heart cries out to you and if kisses could be sent in writing you would be
reading this letter with your lips.
268. She: I can't wait to get home and jump into bed!
He: Need somebody to break your fall?
269. Honey, you're just like a rifle, one cock and you blow.
270. Hey baby, I can do things that would make Madonna blush.
271. Would you like to see some jewels, they've been in my family for years?
272. Baby, you're just like a pie, you give everyone a piece.
273. Would you like coffee, tea, or me?
274. I'm just like the Energizer bunny. I keep going and going.
275. Hey, could you pick that up ?
She says "pick what up?"
My heart, it just fell at your feet. 276. If the sky was made of paper
and the oceans made of ink, I still wouldn't have enough space to describe
how beautiful I think you are.
277. My name's Snickers, cuz I'll really satisfy you.
278. While kissing someone passionately, suddenly pull away and while
looking deep into their eyes seductively say "This is a game... a very sexy
game."
279. Excuse me, do you work for Federal Express? I couldn't help but notice
you checking out my package.
280. Hey baby, you wanna play road? That's when you lay down and I blacktop
you!
281. Hey baby, I just got a new waterbed! Wanna make some waves?
282. Hey baby, I'm just like Kentucky Fried Chicken, I'll do you right!
283. Excuse me, I've lost my tampon string, would you care to help me find
it?
284. (Walk up to a chick and say) Excuse me... i couldn't help but noticing
you undressing me with your eyes...
285. Damn girl, you look so good, I don't know whether to eat you or say
hello!
286. Hey girl, you must work at KFC because you are finger licking good!
287. Hey baby, I'm a musician....wanna come see my organ?
288. Hey baby, I'm a musician....come home with me and see a great pianist!
289. Hey baby, why don't you ride me like the pony you never got for
christmas!
290. I feel like Richard Gere! Why? Because I'm standing next to a pretty
woman.
291. Nice Legs............What time do they open?
292. Is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
293. Let's go back to my place and play Pearl Harbor. I'll lie down and you
can blow the sh!t out of me.
294. Do you like rulers? Then pull on these 12 inches!
295. He : You remind me of a green bottle!
She : Why
He : Because I want to "Mount and Do" you
296. Twat? I cant hear you. I've got an ear infucktion. Tits ok, we'll
finger it out...
297. Baby, your just like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
298. Hey baby, wanna sit on my face and glaze me like a donut?
299. I want to fill your panties with onions and cry myself to sleep!
300. Baby, your parents must have been terrorists, cause you're da bomb!
301. He: Hey baby, do you like parties?
She: Yeah!
He: Well, climb up my leg and have a ball!
301. Hey baby, let's play house. You be a screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.
302. Is that a ladder in your panties or the stairway to heaven?
303. Hey baby, I hear your like a hardware store, 10 cents a screw!
304. Hey baby, I'm like Burger King...you can have me your way!
305. Do you sleep on your stomach? ["No."] Can I?
306. Is your man made out of glass? ["What?"] Is your man made out of glass?
["No, why?"] Drop him; he won't break.
307. Your name must be Daisy, because I have this incredible urge to plant
you right here!
308. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
309. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
310. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you
all day long for a quarter.
311. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night
long.
312. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.
313. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
314. You must be from Jamaica, because Jamaican me crazy.
