Ever known a junkie that is your friend or relative?

[amicold]

As has been said, when he is ready to help himself you will know. If he isn't ready, or doesn't want to then don't bother.

 

[KeithTalent]

Everyone dies; some sooner than later. I'll help people that want help, but I won't let them dick me over. Not more than once anyway...

Exactly. :thumbsup:

KT

 

[Mayne]

Everyone dies; some sooner than later. I'll help people that want help, but I won't let them dick me over. Not more than once anyway...

its my 30 year old nephew, dude. I got some time invested in this fucking idiot.

 

[lxskllr]

its my 30 year old nephew, dude. I got some time invested in this fucking idiot.

:shrugs: I have a cousin that disappeared. He's probably dead, but no one knows for sure. Life goes on, and everyone gets forgotten eventually. Even famous people will be forgotten, or at the very least, misremembered after a long enough period.

 

[amdhunter]

Lol why don't you tell us how you really feel?

If I did, I'd be admitted to a hospital or end up in prison.

 

[who?]

The time you have invested is called sunk cost. You're not getting it back.
Narcotics Anonymous might be helpful if he wants the help.

 

[Mayne]

:shrugs: I have a cousin that disappeared. He's probably dead, but no one knows for sure. Life goes on, and everyone gets forgotten eventually. Even famous people will be forgotten, or at the very least, misremembered after a long enough period.

My family is very close--including cousins and stuff. I'm weird that way.

 

[Puppies04]

I got everything you said of course. I just don't want to see him dead and reading about it in the paper.

Are you prepared to chain him up in your basement for the rest of his life? That is pretty much the only way you can stop him from destroying himself.

Now he might get past this stage of his life on his own or it might kill him but you need to realise there is literally nothing you can do right now.

You have my sympathy, I have been in a similar situation just know for a fact right now that if you try and bring this person closer into your life whilst he is making these choices he will hurt you and anyone else around you.

Ask yourself if you can live with that before you do anything brash like asking him to live with you.

Know that if you ever give him money for food you might very well be buying the drugs that kill him and ask yourself if you could live with that knowledge for the rest of your life.

 

[Mayne]

Are you prepared to chain him up in your basement for the rest of his life? That is pretty much the only way you can stop him from destroying himself.

Now he might get past this stage of his life on his own or it might kill him but you need to realise there is literally nothing you can do right now.

You have my sympathy, I have been in a similar situation just know for a fact right now that if you try and bring this person closer into your life whilst he is making these choices he will hurt you and anyone else around you.

Ask yourself if you can live with that before you do anything brash like asking him to live with you.

Know that if you ever give him money for food you might very well be buying the drugs that kill him and ask yourself if you could live with that knowledge for the rest of your life.

he always knows he can crash at my place at anytime. Thats what is killing me. He stays for a couple weeks all acting normal and cool..but then he fucks off for a month until he hits rock bottom. Its driving me crazy.

 

[Puppies04]

he always knows he can crash at my place at anytime. Thats what is killing me. He stays for a couple weeks all acting normal and cool..but then he fucks off for a month until he hits rock bottom. Its driving me crazy.

...and the day he robs you or brings a dealer to your door looking for money and someone you love gets shot or stabbed?

These are real questions and real concerns. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat and don't want it to be public knowledge.

The best thing you can do is tell him he is welcome back at yours once he is clean, clean and sober for a month and you will let him back into youir life. Until then you need to kick him to the kerb, he might hate you but if he actually makes it out of this part of his life you will be one of the main reasons he made the change and got clean and he will know that.

 

[Mayne]

...and the day he robs you or brings a dealer to your door looking for money and someone you love gets shot or stabbed?

These are real questions and real concerns. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat and don't want it to be public knowledge.

The best thing you can do is tell him he is welcome back at yours once he is clean, clean and sober for a month and you will let him back into youir life. Until then you need to kick him to the kerb, he might hate you but if he actually makes it out of this part of his life you will be one of the main reasons he made the change and got clean and he will know that.

When he hits rock bottom he needs a place to rest his head. I need to be able to provide that to him. I can't live my life knowing he might of died because I was being a prick one night and laying down rules.

 

[Puppies04]

When he hits rock bottom he needs a place to rest his head. I need to be able to provide that to him. I can't live my life knowing he might of died because I was being a prick one night and laying down rules.

You are enabling him, sorry to tell you this but if he dies in a years time from an overdose a different you could have put him on the road to recovery by being harsh with him now.

At some point you need to realise that whatever he does it is his choice and there is nothing you can do to stop him.

Do whatever makes you conscience cleaner but you need to think about this before it happens and work out how you really feel because I get the impression you are doing the normal kneejerk reaction which you might regret down the line.

On a side note can you talk about what drugs you think he is doing?

 

[Mayne]

I don't let people die around me. I don't care if its enabling.

 

[TallBill]

Grab a beer with him and talk.

 

[Mayne]

I'm sleeping with my pants on tonight and money under my mattress ..tucked way back to the wall.

 

[mrjminer]

Don't go out of your way to hide your shit or anything like that.

You should sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him that he can always stay there if he needs a place to crash, but no drugs at your place (even possession). Also, make him understand that if he ever does rip you off, he is no longer welcome and you will call the cops on him. Make it very, very clear to him -- and if he does rip you off, follow through with the cops. Sucks, but junkies need the hard lesson. If they start ripping off relatives, they are going to do a lot worse to people they don't know.

Of course, try to get him straight, too. Even if you get him straight for a week or something, it will be the best thing you ever did for him because he'll start to remember life off the drugs and hopefully come around himself. Probably wouldn't hurt to hook him up with a major slut if you know one, too. Getting him laid by a chick that isn't doped up all the time may help him realize it's not vital, and that whatever pussy is wrapped around his dick is going to feel the same.

Also, like others have mentioned, never give him any money. If he wants food, he can eat whatever you buy and be happy with it.

 

[x26]

I don't let people die around me. I don't care if its enabling.

You are a Good Man!!

 

[styrafoam]

When he hits rock bottom he needs a place to rest his head. I need to be able to provide that to him. I can't live my life knowing he might of died because I was being a prick one night and laying down rules.

You don't understand what lies ahead. Rock bottom for someone who loses a job, gets divorced, has a loved one die, etc. and cannot cope with life for a time is much different then rock bottom for someone who is addicted to drugs. The fear here is that your generosity will be turned against you when his life starts to come apart.

Usually its the parents that bear the brunt of it, but if you are who he turns to then you will definitely be in for a share of his desperation. As soon as money comes in to the picture(he asks to borrow ever larger amounts, asks for you to cosign, asks for help with things that most others can manage like RENT) then you know its probably worse than he will ever admit to. He is already lying to you in one form or another.

It may sound like people are telling you to abandon him, but it actually the opposite. If you are taking care of him he has probably burned his bridges with his immediate family. Its time for you to get him help.

It will feel like you are turning your back on him when the time comes so be ready. Unless you have plans to get him into treatment or you can somehow send him to live with someone far away from his current life what you are doing now is just enabling him. Remember that if everything turns out for the worse it wasn't because you didn't let him crash on your couch enough, it was because he was an addict.