Ethics question... (mods, please remove this post)

[Jugernot]

Locked. Awaiting OP's response to my PM.

Fern
Super Moderator

I have worked with a husband/wife team (they both do the same job) for 7 years and have become very good friends with them over those years. Recently, the husband left for a better job in another state, leaving his wife and two kids back (one is 4years old and they other is 14 months) here to get everything moved and get their house sold.

Here is the ethical dilemma comes in... I just found the wife kissing one of our recent newly hired employees in a room at my work. I couldn't freakin beleive it when I saw it, but as soon as they saw me they seperated and she gave me a look of terror. Needless to say, I thought about it overnight and confronted the guy this morning in my office and he out right admitted that they had been messing around. I told him that it had to come to a stop "Right now, today! I'm not $#(*ing around! I am keeping my eye on both of you! She's married and your not, you should feel ashamed of yourself." To which he replied "I know...." while looking at the ground.

I'm going to have a talk with her later today after letting her sweat a bit.

My question is this... one, should I report them to their boss (I am a supervisor, but not theirs) as our company has a policy against employees making new relationship. This could be very bad for the guy, as he's a temp employee that was going to be hired on when she left and her position opened.

Two, should I tell her husband? or Both?

Advice? I'm looking for some real down to earth advice, not "Just let them have their fun!".....

Jugs

 

[Numenorean]

Leave the business side as it is - you talked to him, if you find out it happens again, then escalate. I bet he feels bad enough about getting caught.

As for telling her husband, yeah you should. He deserves to know.

 

[bignateyk]

hmm.. tough call. On one hand, maybe she got the message by getting caught and will stop, and the family won't be damaged by a divorce.

On the other hand, he has a right to know, but it might end up damaging their family.

I would tell her that you are going to tell her husband in a month, so she better admit the whole thing to him on her own.

So in summary:

1) Report the guy who did it if he keeps it up
2) Tell her that you will be informing her husband, but only if she doesn't do it herself within a months time.

And honestly, if she is dumb enough to be doing something like that at work, she can reap what she sowed. I would just feel bad for the husband/kids. Screw the other two.

 

[Jeeebus]

lets just get this out of the way...

Pics?

 

[rasczak]

Personally, I wouldn't say anything as it's not affecting my team. if you feel compelled to have a chat with their supervisor.

As for the husband, depends on your level of friendship. If he's a "bro" you hang out with alot, then yea I would tell him. He's still my friend and i would want to protect him. If not, then let it go.

 

[Jugernot]

Personally, I wouldn't say anything as it's not affecting my team. if you feel compelled to have a chat with their supervisor.

As for the husband, depends on your level of friendship. If he's a "bro" you hang out with alot, then yea I would tell him. He's still my friend and i would want to protect him. If not, then let it go.

That's the thing, while I am not their supervisor, they work for our team. It does affect my team...

I'm having a hard time with confronting her to be honest.... I feel really bad for her husband. We are all very good friends and I, as stupid as it sounds, feel almost betrayed myself. I shouldn't have to talk to her about her freakin cheating.... this sucks.

 

[MJinZ]

I have worked with a husband/wife team (they both do the same job) for 7 years and have become very good friends with them over those years. Recently, the husband left for a better job in another state, leaving his wife and two kids back (one is 4years old and they other is 14 months) here to get everything moved and get their house sold.

Here is the ethical dilemma comes in... I just found the wife kissing one of our recent newly hired employees in a room at my work. I couldn't freakin beleive it when I saw it, but as soon as they saw me they seperated and she gave me a look of terror. Needless to say, I thought about it overnight and confronted the guy this morning in my office and he out right admitted that they had been messing around. I told him that it had to come to a stop "Right now, today! I'm not $#(*ing around! I am keeping my eye on both of you! She's married and your not, you should feel ashamed of yourself." To which he replied "I know...." while looking at the ground.

I'm going to have a talk with her later today after letting her sweat a bit.

My question is this... one, should I report them to their boss (I am a supervisor, but not theirs) as our company has a policy against employees making new relationship. This could be very bad for the guy, as he's a temp employee that was going to be hired on when she left and her position opened.

Two, should I tell her husband? or Both?

Advice? I'm looking for some real down to earth advice, not "Just let them have their fun!".....

Jugs

Let them have their fun and jugs.

 

[waggy]

I would tell him. the man deserves to know now and perhaps to work on saving the marriage. IF nothing else to give him a clue that he should be watching out.

 

[waggy]

Let them have their fun and jugs.

fuck no. no spouse should EVER cheat on the other. the fact that the other is not there does not matter.

either this man needs to find out NOW to save the marriage before it ends.

 

[surfsatwerk]

Guy deserves to know that the women he's married to is chasing other dicks.

 

[MJinZ]

fuck no. no spouse should EVER cheat on the other. the fact that the other is not there does not matter.

either this man needs to find out NOW to save the marriage before it ends.

Marriage = long over

 

[rcpratt]

I don't see any reason to escalate it any further on the business side, but I would absolutely tell the husband. It's up to you if you want to confront the wife and give her the opportunity to tell him first, depends on your personal relationships with each.

 

[rasczak]

That's the thing, while I am not their supervisor, they work for our team. It does affect my team...

I'm having a hard time with confronting her to be honest.... I feel really bad for her husband. We are all very good friends and I, as stupid as it sounds, feel almost betrayed myself. I shouldn't have to talk to her about her freakin cheating.... this sucks.

I wouldn't talk to her anymore. I would just tell the husband and leave it at that. You never know what she might say in return. (he forced me to do xxx) out of spite or revenge. Chicks can get nasty like that.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Marriage = long over

Most likely this.

I'd have a really difficult time EVER trusting a woman who cheated on me again.

What the OP has his nose in really isn't any of his business though IMO. Nothing good can come of this.

 

[dpodblood]

I would tell your friend what you saw. He deserves to know, and you should feel no guilt for doing so. It's her own fault for fooling around.

 

[waggy]

Most likely this.

I'd have a really difficult time EVER trusting a woman who cheated on me again.

What the OP has his nose in really isn't any of his business though IMO. Nothing good can come of this.

while true that hte marriage is most likely over. i also think unless the guy has a idea that she may be cheating he won't believe the OP.

BUT i still feel he should know. perhaps they can and want to save it. not everyone does in this situation.

 

[DesiPower]

Train has left the station IMO, nothing much you can do at this point... nothing you do will "reform" the wifey, if not the new guy it will be someone else. Water is hot, if you jump in to save you will get burnt...

all depends how deeply you care about the hubby, nothing else matters IMHO

 

[Numenorean]

Also - one big thing.

What if things go south due to her and there is a divorce anyway? What if this guy never knows about this, and the wife takes him to the cleaners in divorce court? With this information, he has a much better case and she won't be able to fuck him over.

 

[soulcougher73]

If you leave it up to the wife to tell the husband within a months time as another poster said, she may spin the whole story around saying you were trying to get with her and she rejected you, and now you are trying to ruin her marriage. Women are sneaky that way

Or you can use it as blackmail yourself to get with her if she is hot

But in all seriousness i would probably tell the husband if you concider him a friend vs. just a 7 year co-worker. He has a right to know. Marriages come and go these days so its nothing new or shocking anymore, unfortunatly.

 

[highland145]

Any ramifications for you not reporting it and it's found out later that you knew?

 

[BoomerD]

MYOB. While shit like that shouldn't be tolerated in the workplace, their marital affairs are none of your business...STAY OUT OF IT!

Sure, as guys we all think that "If it was me, I'd want to know," and that's true, by telling him yourself, you're only gonna cause problems at work...and in your friendship. Of course, now that you've caught them, if you DON'T tell the guy, he's gonna be pissed at you for NOT telling him once he finds out...

Personally, I'd get the woman and her "new friend" together and tell them that such behavior won't be tolerated in the workplace and leave it at that...OR, report it to the next level of management and let them deal with it.

 

[JulesMaximus]

I'm wondering if the 14 month old is even his?

 

[olds]

"My question is this... one, should I report them to their boss (I am a supervisor, but not theirs) as our company has a policy against employees making new relationship."

As a supervisor, what happens to you if you don't report it and the company finds out about it and asks you why you took no action?

 

[Gunslinger08]

Regardless of what you do with the work situation, I would tell the husband. Wouldn't you want to know if your wife was cheating on you? Some people are going to tell you to mind your own business, but something like this is always going to be on your mind if you don't tell him. He deserves to know the truth about his wife, even if it's difficult for you to tell him and causes strain to your friendship.

 

[olds]

Regardless of what you do with the work situation, I would tell the husband. Wouldn't you want to know if your wife was cheating on you? Some people are going to tell you to mind your own business, but something like this is always going to be on your mind if you don't tell him. He deserves to know the truth about his wife, even if it's difficult for you to tell him and causes strain to your friendship.

It'll likely end the friendship but I'd want to know.