STATE OF FLORIDA - VOTING COMMISSIONER IN CHARGE OF RECOUNTS
The State of Florida has an exciting short-term opportunity for a talented, single and high minded individual who is fast both in mind and on their feet. As the new voting commissioner, you will have the chance to sift through over 6 MILLION votes cast in last week's presidential election.
QUALIFICATIONS:
-- Ability to count without using your fingers.
-- Must have particular expertise in using "White-Out"
-- Special artistic skills in making the word "Nader" look like "Gore."
-- Must own a large number of high-collared shirts as protection from Gore and Bush campaigners "breathing down your neck."
-- Orphans preferred.
JOB POSITIVE:
-- Regardless of the outcome, you will be loved by half the country.
JOB NEGATIVE:
-- Regardless of the outcome, you will be hated by half the country.
-- Wonderful "ground-floor" opportunity to move up to newly created and highly coveted GS-12 position of "Sacrificial Lamb."
-- Must have ability to leave country within one hour of completing recount for possible relocation to undisclosed foreign country.
-- Safety guaranteed by Federal Witness Protection Program.
-- Full medical benefits including bullet-proof vest.
-- Retirement benefits not provided since not deemed necessary.
Florida is an equal opportunity employer.
The State of Florida has an exciting short-term opportunity for a talented, single and high minded individual who is fast both in mind and on their feet. As the new voting commissioner, you will have the chance to sift through over 6 MILLION votes cast in last week's presidential election.
QUALIFICATIONS:
-- Ability to count without using your fingers.
-- Must have particular expertise in using "White-Out"
-- Special artistic skills in making the word "Nader" look like "Gore."
-- Must own a large number of high-collared shirts as protection from Gore and Bush campaigners "breathing down your neck."
-- Orphans preferred.
JOB POSITIVE:
-- Regardless of the outcome, you will be loved by half the country.
JOB NEGATIVE:
-- Regardless of the outcome, you will be hated by half the country.
-- Wonderful "ground-floor" opportunity to move up to newly created and highly coveted GS-12 position of "Sacrificial Lamb."
-- Must have ability to leave country within one hour of completing recount for possible relocation to undisclosed foreign country.
-- Safety guaranteed by Federal Witness Protection Program.
-- Full medical benefits including bullet-proof vest.
-- Retirement benefits not provided since not deemed necessary.
Florida is an equal opportunity employer.
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