Emotional Abuse

[NaOH]

If someone is living under their parents and are constantly being abused emotionally (unwarranted), what course of actions can they take to better the situation? "Talking" to the abusers is not a solution.

 

[RESmonkey]

How/what is this abuse?

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

Murder/suicide.

 

[NaOH]

Text

Basically everything under Types of Emotional Abuse

 

[newnameman]

Move out.

 

[sixone]

1. Get out.
2. Get help.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: GodlessAstronomer
Murder/suicide.

I would normally laugh, but that just seemed tasteless. :disgust:


BTW it isn't me, just wondering what someone under those circumstances would do if it was affecting them (ie. losing weight, depression, etc)

 

[RESmonkey]

oh... Reminds me of this one family I know, where the dad is forcing the kids to take up a major HE choose for them

Put up with it until you're out of the house? I put up with stupid crap all the time, dude.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: NaOH
BTW it isn't me, just wondering what someone under those circumstances would do if it was affecting them (ie. losing weight, depression, etc)

Depends on the person. Some think they deserve it, so they stay. Some run away, some fight back. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: sixone
1. Get out.
2. Get help.

If you were still in college and they were paying for everything you need to live (housing, tuition, food). Would it really be possible to get out on your own and make it? For example, you have to start working to pay for EVERYTHING.

Basically, parents have you in financial shackles.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: NaOH
BTW it isn't me, just wondering what someone under those circumstances would do if it was affecting them (ie. losing weight, depression, etc)

Depends on the person. Some think they deserve it, so they stay. Some run away, some fight back. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Yeah I know, I fought back when i was younger and it worked out for me. But others who, can't fight back (usually a girl against dad or both parents), I'm just wondering what they could do if they wanted to make things better. It just seems like they're stuck forever unless they want to start supporting themselves...which usually doesn't go to well when you're in the middle of your college career with grad school in mind.

Also, let me make my question clear. If someone was living under those circumstances, what can they do if they're financially shackled and can't take it anymore.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: sixone
1. Get out.
2. Get help.

If you were still in college and they were paying for everything you need to live (housing, tuition, food). Would it really be possible to get out on your own and make it? For example, you have to start working to pay for EVERYTHING.

Basically, parents have you in financial shackles.

A little difficult to have it both ways, don't you think?

 

[RESmonkey]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: sixone
1. Get out.
2. Get help.

If you were still in college and they were paying for everything you need to live (housing, tuition, food). Would it really be possible to get out on your own and make it? For example, you have to start working to pay for EVERYTHING.

Basically, parents have you in financial shackles.

It would work but would put more stress on the person, and the person would eventually go back to the comfort of their own home.

Best thing to do is to shutup, let the parent/guardian have their way, but prevent any physical abuse.

At home, I have to put up with religion, culture/beliefs, standards, etc.

All the person has to do is to realize that there are people out there that would give anything out there to be with their parents, whether kicked out or runaway (or even alone because of death).

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: sixone
1. Get out.
2. Get help.

If you were still in college and they were paying for everything you need to live (housing, tuition, food). Would it really be possible to get out on your own and make it? For example, you have to start working to pay for EVERYTHING.

Basically, parents have you in financial shackles.

Sounds like this person has himself/herself in financial shackles. If you want someone else to pay your way, there may be a price. If you do it yourself, you get to be proud of your own accomplishments.

There's no reason for anyone of that age to be unable to support himself. It's a choice, not slavery.

 

[RESmonkey]

By the way, what is the racial background of this family? Possibly immigrant parents + first generation child here?

 

[NaOH]

I don't know, it's kind of a long shot to say someone else would give anything to be with parents who talk to you like shit anyways. But I see what Sixone's saying.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: RESmonkey
By the way, what is the racial background of this family? Possibly immigrant parents + first generation child here?

Word

 

[irishScott]

Nothing really unless said person can move out. In the meantime, stand up to the abusers as calmly as you can. It's not pleasant, but I know first hand that taking it without saying anything is a recipe for disaster for the abused person. Also, be blunt. Accuse the abuser of abuse directly. Anyway you slice it, confrontation is going to be a very painful bitch, but it's far better than the alternative. I know first hand how difficult this is, took me years to build up the balls to do it, but nothing's going to happen if you just sit there and take it.

If possible, I'd see a psychologist/counselor about the issue. In addition to (potentially) giving professional validation to your opinions, there are lots of techniques that can help you cope, but those heavily depend on the age/gender/details of the situation.

The simplest effective (and it is quite effective) measure you can take is finding a confidant (could be said psychologist/counselor) whom you can rant/talk to once a week or whenever. Just getting it out and knowing that someone else knows does a lot. My sister and I pulled each other through until she went to college (2 years older than me).

As for my resume, without going into details, my immediate family's effectively been at war with itself for the last 6 years, and I've watched my dad blatantly emotionally abuse my mother and sister, and deny he was doing so after the fact. My mother has the bad habit of deflecting said abuse on me, with the occasional direct attempt from my dad. I'm the only one who's still on familial relations with my entire family. My sister and I are in college, and that's probably the only reason we're sane. I have no idea how my mom lives with it.

Suffice to say I've got mucho experience with this. It sucks (understatement of the eon), and unless the abuser recognizes that there's a problem, there isn't much you can do about it aside from look after yourself. If you know it's unwarranted, that helps, but it's still going to hurt like a bitch simply due to the familial relation. No way of avoiding that, and emotional suppression is not the answer. Doing so sent me into years of severe depression, royally fucked up my life. I almost lost conscious control of my anger once. You probably have no idea how frightening that is, and I hope you never have to find out.

In any case, I saw a good psychologist and have all but fully recovered from the depression (dealing with the after-effects now). I'm at college as much as possible, so my time at home is minimal.

Bottom line: Stay strong, and while I don't know the situation, if it's truly unwarranted, you're right, they're wrong (with respect to this/these issue(s)). That won't help the emotional response, but once you know for a fact that you're right and they're wrong, the emotions start to follow suit after a while. Worked for me anyways.

That's all I can give without more specifics.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: NaOH
I don't know, it's kind of a long shot to say someone else would give anything to be with parents who talk to you like shit anyways. But I see what Sixone's saying.

I'm assuming that if this person is college-age, with grad school in view, they must be in their early to mid-twenties?

It's kind of ironic that this person is still letting mommy and daddy pay for everything, but expects to be treated like an adult. If he/she is acting like one, and still being treated badly, that's one thing. But if he/she is acting like a kid and being treated like one, they don't really have much to bitch about.

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: sixone
1. Get out.
2. Get help.

If you were still in college and they were paying for everything you need to live (housing, tuition, food). Would it really be possible to get out on your own and make it? For example, you have to start working to pay for EVERYTHING.

Basically, parents have you in financial shackles.

Sounds like this person has himself/herself in financial shackles. If you want someone else to pay your way, there may be a price. If you do it yourself, you get to be proud of your own accomplishments.

There's no reason for anyone of that age to be unable to support himself. It's a choice, not slavery.

Agreed, but the choice blows. I chose to endure my family's crap for the sake of being debt free in the future. I know people who are still paying off student loans 10 years later, and I don't want their financial situation.

So you have a choice between a couple of years of emotional abuse or up to (or possibly greater than) 10 years of heavy future debt. Pick one.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: irishScott
Nothing really unless said person can move out. In the meantime, stand up to the abusers as calmly as you can. It's not pleasant, but I know first hand that taking it without saying anything is a recipe for disaster for the abused person. Also, be blunt. Accuse the abuser of abuse directly. Anyway you slice it, confrontation is going to be a very painful bitch, but it's far better than the alternative. I know first hand how difficult this is, took me years to build up the balls to do it, but nothing's going to happen if you just sit there and take it.

If possible, I'd see a psychologist/counselor about the issue. In addition to (potentially) giving professional validation to your opinions, there are lots of techniques that can help you cope, but those heavily depend on the age/gender/details of the situation.

The simplest effective (and it is quite effective) measure you can take is finding a confidant (could be said psychologist/counselor) whom you can rant/talk to once a week or whenever. Just getting it out and knowing that someone else knows does a lot. My sister and I pulled each other through until she went to college (2 years older than me).

As for my resume, without going into details, my immediate family's effectively been at war with itself for the last 6 years, and I've watched my dad blatantly emotionally abuse my mother and sister, and deny he was doing so after the fact. My mother has the bad habit of deflecting said abuse on me, with the occasional direct attempt from my dad. I'm the only one who's still on familial relations with my entire family. My sister and I are in college, and that's probably the only reason we're sane. I have no idea how my mom lives with it.

Suffice to say I've got mucho experience with this. It sucks (understatement of the eon), and unless the abuser recognizes that there's a problem, there isn't much you can do about it aside from look after yourself. If you know it's unwarranted, that helps, but it's still going to hurt like a bitch simply due to the familial relation. No way of avoiding that, and emotional suppression is not the answer. Doing so sent me into years of severe depression, royally fucked up my life. I almost lost conscious control of my anger once. You probably have no idea how frightening that is, and I hope you never have to find out.

In any case, I saw a good psychologist and have all but fully recovered from the depression (dealing with the after-effects now). I'm at college as much as possible, so my time at home is minimal.

Bottom line: Stay strong, and while I don't know the situation, if it's truly unwarranted, you're right, they're wrong (with respect to this/these issue(s)). That won't help the emotional response, but once you know for a fact that you're right and they're wrong, the emotions start to follow suit after a while. Worked for me anyways.

That's all I can give without more specifics.

Wow, it sounds like the same situation for my friend, the part about being only to escape to college and the situation with the mother. I guess I've been the support so far and I was just wondering what would be a better source of comfort and happiness. All I can say is, you know, "be strong", "just stick it out", and the fact that there is a problem. But I'm just some other guy so I just felt like they needed some other source of help. Glad to hear you and your sister have made it through though. I've seen other people that weren't so lucky. Well, they just turned into criminals (Pretty sure it was part of the parent's fault).

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: irishScott
Agreed, but the choice blows. I chose to endure my family's crap for the sake of being debt free in the future. I know people who are still paying off student loans 10 years later, and I don't want their financial situation.

So you have a choice between emotional abuse or heavy future debt. Pick one.

Sounds like those are the only choices you're offering yourself. Being debt-free is easy: don't spend more than you're bringing in. You don't have to be Ben Stein to know that.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: NaOH
I don't know, it's kind of a long shot to say someone else would give anything to be with parents who talk to you like shit anyways. But I see what Sixone's saying.

I'm assuming that if this person is college-age, with grad school in view, they must be in their early to mid-twenties?

It's kind of ironic that this person is still letting mommy and daddy pay for everything, but expects to be treated like an adult. If he/she is acting like one, and still being treated badly, that's one thing. But if he/she is acting like a kid and being treated like one, they don't really have much to bitch about.

They are working + volunteering to help get into grad, because parent's bitch about tuition fees. They don't even make a fraction of the tuition so parents bitch more. Cycle continues. They also say, concentrate on school, then put guilt onto the person about school costing too much. So wouldn't making them get a job and feel guilty be hypocritical?

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: NaOH
I don't know, it's kind of a long shot to say someone else would give anything to be with parents who talk to you like shit anyways. But I see what Sixone's saying.

I'm assuming that if this person is college-age, with grad school in view, they must be in their early to mid-twenties?

It's kind of ironic that this person is still letting mommy and daddy pay for everything, but expects to be treated like an adult. If he/she is acting like one, and still being treated badly, that's one thing. But if he/she is acting like a kid and being treated like one, they don't really have much to bitch about.

Ummmmmm.... what?

Acting like an adult != making money. I'm still a dependent, my parents are gicing me a full ride through college (I'm saving my own money from internships/jobs/holidays for after graduation). However, I use my parents' money as efficiently as practical. ie: I bought a $270 shelf for my dorm. However, said shelf is very high quality and I fully intend to use it for the next 10 years at least.

In the meantime, I don't get drunk, I don't do any drugs of any nature, I get good grades, and in every way other than financially I am a 20 year old man and expect to be treated as such, and I will enforce/defend that right. If my parents don't like it, they're welcome to kick me out. However, they have yet to do so.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: NaOH
I don't know, it's kind of a long shot to say someone else would give anything to be with parents who talk to you like shit anyways. But I see what Sixone's saying.

I'm assuming that if this person is college-age, with grad school in view, they must be in their early to mid-twenties?

It's kind of ironic that this person is still letting mommy and daddy pay for everything, but expects to be treated like an adult. If he/she is acting like one, and still being treated badly, that's one thing. But if he/she is acting like a kid and being treated like one, they don't really have much to bitch about.

They are working + volunteering to help get into grad, because parent's bitch about tuition fees. They don't even make a fraction of the tuition so parents bitch more. Cycle continues. They also say, concentrate on school, then put guilt onto the person about school costing too much. So wouldn't making them get a job and feel guilty be hypocritical?

Then why not get a job, and save up the money for grad school later? Parents shut up, guilt stops, right?