Elevenpog Rates Cuisines

[Nograts]

I have spent a great majority of my day here at work thinking about food and feel confident that I have accurately and appropriately assigned a numbered rank to each of the (Americanized) versions of ethnic cuisines and foodstuffs. I will also add a small blurb about the best and worst foods from that particular genre of lickies and chewies. This list is official in nature and non-debatable in any way, as I consider myself to be the ultimate authority in this regard.

So without further ado:

1. Chinese

What's not to like? Fried rice is epic. Bacon fried rice is even epicer. Ramen noodles make a good college snack. I'm pretty sure Jesus eats beef with broccoli and orange chicken for breakfast. Cream cheese wontons need some work.

2. Italian

Spaghetti with meatballs has been a staple for man-cooking for hundreds of years. Boil noodles, cook meat, add red stuff, and mix. It's pretty epic if you do it right too. I personally like to add a good amount of butter and basil to my noodles, and I cook the rest down to a very hearty meat sauce. Manicotti should be banned by the UN. Stuff would make pigs vomit.

3. Japanese

Very different from Chinese but still epic. Teriyaki, tempura, sushi, and miso soup? Even better when a guy is making an onion volcano in front of you. Sake is a nice side dish. Octopus is a no-no though. Fun fact: the Portugese invented tempura. The Japanese made it their own though.

4. American

Though I can't speak to the authenticity of us eating what we consider "American" we do it right. Steak and eggs? Yum. Bacon burger? Hell yeah. Chicken wings with copious amounts of ranch and beer? Now yer' talking. What good things came out of this type of food far outweighed the negative, but southern food is such a disgusting thing that it still knocked American food down to 4th place.

5. Indian

Pretty good, but the smell knocks this down to a solid 5th place. Can't go wrong with a good curry, jasmine or saffron rice is pretty good. Too bad it stinks so bad that it lowers your property value.

6. Others

Never had African food so it must not be that great. Maybe zebra steak? If it's not in America it's not worth eating. I could have put middle eastern food because Iraqi's have some good lamb and rice dishes, but other than that it's pretty meh.

German, Irish, British, Greek foods etc etc weren't added, because we took the best they had to offer and we made it into American food, which is #4.

 

[skimple]

Funyuns.

 

[cbrunny]

well, yeah, there's poutine, but there's also

Canadian Bacon
Beaver Tails
nanaimo bars
montreal smoked meat
tourtiere
yorkshire pudding - british really but very common in Canada
tiger tail ice cream
butter tarts
sugar pie
Kraft Dinner
Coffee Crisp
Mr. Big
Caramilk
Big Turk (ha!)
Crunchie
Crispy Crunch
Aero
Shreddies
Ginger Ale (yep, its canadian!)
Rye
Caesars

Wiki says so.

a lot of this list is french.

Just sayin.

The list missed some.

Oka Cheese
Screech - A really strong rum from Newfoundland
Halifax Donair - mystery meat on a spit. Similar to gyros.
Spruce Beer - strong east coast beer flavoured with spruce needles. It's... interesting.
Habitant Pea Soup
Ice Wine
Milk in bags
Smarties - a sweeter version of M&Ms. We call the American version "Rockets".
Fiddle heads - edible fern shoots that only grows out east
Ketchup chips
The Fifty Cent Steamy - the dirtiest hot dog known to man
Canadian Pizza - pepperoni, mushrooms, bacon and cheese.
Pablum baby cereal
Seal meat - it's controversial and not widely consumed but can be found up north and in some high end restaurants

I absolutely hate Kraft Dinner. God knows whats in that thin, atomic orange sauce but it's not cheese. Easy enough to make mac & cheese from scratch.

 

[Nograts]

Just sayin.

Sir this is an english only thread. :awe:

 

[JulesMaximus]

I have spent a great majority of my day here at work thinking about food and feel confident that I have accurately and appropriately assigned a numbered rank to each of the (Americanized) versions of ethnic cuisines and foodstuffs. I will also add a small blurb about the best and worst foods from that particular genre of lickies and chewies. This list is official in nature and non-debatable in any way, as I consider myself to be the ultimate authority in this regard.

So without further ado:

1. Chinese

What's not to like? Fried rice is epic. Bacon fried rice is even epicer. Ramen noodles make a good college snack. I'm pretty sure Jesus eats beef with broccoli and orange chicken for breakfast. Cream cheese wontons need some work.

2. Italian

Spaghetti with meatballs has been a staple for man-cooking for hundreds of years. Boil noodles, cook meat, add red stuff, and mix. It's pretty epic if you do it right too. I personally like to add a good amount of butter and basil to my noodles, and I cook the rest down to a very hearty meat sauce. Manicotti should be banned by the UN. Stuff would make pigs vomit.

3. Japanese

Very different from Chinese but still epic. Teriyaki, tempura, sushi, and miso soup? Even better when a guy is making an onion volcano in front of you. Sake is a nice side dish. Octopus is a no-no though. Fun fact: the Portugese invented tempura. The Japanese made it their own though.

4. American

Though I can't speak to the authenticity of us eating what we consider "American" we do it right. Steak and eggs? Yum. Bacon burger? Hell yeah. Chicken wings with copious amounts of ranch and beer? Now yer' talking. What good things came out of this type of food far outweighed the negative, but southern food is such a disgusting thing that it still knocked American food down to 4th place.

5. Indian

Pretty good, but the smell knocks this down to a solid 5th place. Can't go wrong with a good curry, jasmine or saffron rice is pretty good. Too bad it stinks so bad that it lowers your property value.

6. Others

Never had African food so it must not be that great. Maybe zebra steak? If it's not in America it's not worth eating. I could have put middle eastern food because Iraqi's have some good lamb and rice dishes, but other than that it's pretty meh.

German, Irish, British, Greek foods etc etc weren't added, because we took the best they had to offer and we made it into American food, which is #4.

Are you kidding? Indian food smells amazing! You want to talk about bad smelling food, let's talk about Korean food.

 

[cbrunny]

Sir this is an english only thread. :awe:

lol what does that even mean? Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Indian.. those are English now?

 

[lxskllr]

Indian
American
Italian
American Chinese
Mid eastern
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Real Chinese

 

[Nograts]

lol what does that even mean? Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Indian.. those are English now?

The words you posted such as: Beaver Tails, Tiger Tail ice cream, and Aero are clearly gobbledygook. Please post your comments in the English language.

 

[Humpy]

Why didn't I see Mexican food listed? WTF is wrong with you people.

 

[Nograts]

Why didn't I see Mexican food listed? WTF is wrong with you people.

It didn't make the list. Beans are gross.

 

[lxskllr]

Why didn't I see Mexican food listed? WTF is wrong with you people.

I included Tex-Mex as American. Real Mexican's stuff like roasted cow head.

 

[Newell Steamer]

4. American

Though I can't speak to the authenticity of us eating what we consider "American" we do it right. Steak and eggs? Yum. Bacon burger? Hell yeah. Chicken wings with copious amounts of ranch and beer? Now yer' talking. What good things came out of this type of food far outweighed the negative, but southern food is such a disgusting thing that it still knocked American food down to 4th place.

Funyuns.

 

[z1ggy]

With all this free time, I must assume you work for the Government?

 

[nakedfrog]

4. American

Though I can't speak to the authenticity of us eating what we consider "American" we do it right. Steak and eggs? Yum. Bacon burger? Hell yeah. Chicken wings with copious amounts of ranch and beer? Now yer' talking. What good things came out of this type of food far outweighed the negative, but southern food is such a disgusting thing that it still knocked American food down to 4th place.

The fuck?
This single statement rendered your entire post null and void.

Hot wings don't need ranch, either.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Can somebody put *official* and *confirmed* in the thread title?

 

[Humpy]

I included Tex-Mex as American. Real Mexican's stuff like roasted cow head.

They will also just put some meat on a tortilla with some lime juice. I like that kind of thing more than mushy beans topped with mounds of cheddar.

 

[CraKaJaX]

4. American

Though I can't speak to the authenticity of us eating what we consider "American" we do it right. Steak and eggs? Yum. Bacon burger? Hell yeah. Chicken wings with copious amounts of ranch and beer? Now yer' talking. What good things came out of this type of food far outweighed the negative, but southern food is such a disgusting thing that it still knocked American food down to 4th place.

In our next episode we will be ranking each cuisine in the form of obesity...

 

[Mike64]

2. Italian

Spaghetti with meatballs has been a staple for man-cooking for hundreds of years. Boil noodles, cook meat, add red stuff, and mix. It's pretty epic if you do it right too. I personally like to add a good amount of butter and basil to my noodles, and I cook the rest down to a very hearty meat sauce.

Um... so which is it, spaghetti with meatballs, or spaghetti with meat sauce? Making good/acceptable meat sauce is a lot easier than making good/acceptable meatballs.

Fun fact: the Portuguese invented tempura. The Japanese made it their own though.

Not exactly. Unless you want to credit the Portuguese with the generic invention of frying breaded seafood which would be going rather too far. The Japanese did make it their own, however, as they've done with so many adoptions of foreign things and concepts.

jasmine or saffron rice is pretty good

Indians don't generally eat jasmine rice (maybe you were thinking of basmati rice?) "Saffron rice" is more a Spanish and Spanish-influenced thing, but hey, who's counting?

Never had African food

Not even Ethiopian? What rock do you live under?

 

[Nograts]

Not exactly. Unless you want to credit the Portuguese with the generic invention of frying breaded seafood which would be going rather too far. The Japanese did make it their own, however, as they've done with so many adoptions of foreign things and concepts.

Because I was challenged: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tempura

The recipe for tempura was introduced to Japan by Portuguese Jesuit missionaries particularly active in the city of Nagasaki also founded by the Portuguese, during the sixteenth century (1549).[5][6] Tokugawa Ieyasu, founder and first shogun of the Tokugawa shogunate of Japan, reportedly loved tempura.[citation needed] Originally, tempura was a popular food eaten at street vendors called yatai since the Genroku era. Today, tempura is still a popular side dish at home, and is frequently eaten as a topping at soba stands.

Indians don't generally eat jasmine rice (maybe you were thinking of basmati rice?. "Saffron rice" is more a Spanish and Spanish-influenced thing, but hey, who's counting?

Yeah one of them rices. It's okay. I like the bread.

 

[Mike64]

Are you kidding? Indian food smells amazing! You want to talk about bad smelling food, let's talk about Korean food Subway.

FTFY

For several years there was a Subway on the ground flour of my old apartment building (not directly connected to the lobby, but just one wall away.) Every freaking day I'd come home to a lobby filled with the truly disgusting smell of their "baked-on-the-premises" so-called bread. And I do like the smell of real bread baking, so that wasn't the problem. I never could put my finger on what made that Subway-bread smell gross, but boy, did it ever.

 

[ninaholic37]

This is a great thread! I just went for a long bike ride and have only been drinking plain water all day long (and had green tea for breakfast) and am insanely hungry!!!!

 

[Mike64]

Because I was challenged: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tempura

I realize the Japanese got the idea for tempura from the Portuguese and that the Japanese name is believed to derive from a Church-related Latin word (which they also got from the Portuguese Roman Catholic missionaries), but the Portuguese didn't invent fried seafood, nor did they make up the specific twists that make "tempura" Japanese -- they were just eating (fried) seafood on Fridays, like all good Roman Catholics always used to...

 

[cbrunny]

Not even Ethiopian? What rock do you live under?

I've had ethiopian. Is that actually common? I had thought it was fairly unique when I ate it.

I wasn't a fan. The food was ok, but you had to eat it with your hands using spongy vinegary bready type really thin pancake. Google says it's called injera.

I realized halfway through the meal that the most likely reason they eat this way is because they're so poor in Ethiopia that they don't have forks or spoons or knives, and each person probably takes a tear from an injera bread and a scoop of the meal before passing it on to their family members.

It was like mediocre food with a huge side order of guilt.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

The lack of food knowledge in this thread makes me weep for gastronomes everywhere.

 

[feralkid]

The lack of food knowledge in this thread makes me weep for gastronomes everywhere.

Indeed.

Truly pathetic.