**Edit my Essay Please**

RbSX

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
8,351
1
76
Ryan Sengara 4/24/02
English 10: Essay


Unfortunatly in some situations, it may take a catastrophic accident to make two people forget their differences and discover their similarities. Such as the case of James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo, when Absalom (Stephen's son) murders Arthur Jarvis (James' son).
For Stephen as a priest, the thought of his son murdering someone was a troubling thought. Ironically Arthur is a black rights activist and has written many manifesto's regarding this issue, and after his death his father reads many of these writings. Following these accidents, both of these men experienced a certain form of enlightenment which let them break through their prior experiences and create a unique friendship and degree of compassion for eachother.

After the death of his son , James reviews his sons manifesto's on his idea of the black experience in South America. Because he is a rich white land owner, he doesn't understand the life of a black majority in his country, however through his son's final route of communication he is introduced to the problems in the society around him. Enlightened by his sons quest to improve society, he turns to the town of Ndotsheni to make a small difference in the world. During his quest to improve the plight around him, he builds a dam to prevent famine, he provides milk for the dying children, and helps improve farming in the valley. "We were working in the trees," said the man," when this small boy came riding up. I don't understand English, umfundusi, but they were talking about Kuluse's child. And come and look what I they have brought you." There outside the door was the milk, in the shining cans in the cart. From it is clear Jarvis doesn't harbour any hard feelings towards Kumalo, because if he did, he wouldn't have donated the milk. "Kumalo went into the house, and he told his wike, The inkosikazi is death. And she said, Au! Au! and the women also. Some of them wept and they spoke of the goodness of the woman that was dead. Kumalo went to his table and sat down there , thinking of what he should do. When this confirmation was over he would go up to the house at High Place, and tell Jarvis of their grief down in the valley." From this it is clear the feeling of compassion between Jarvis and Kumalo is becoming obvious, and the feelings are not just shared between Jarvis and Kumalo but all of Ndotsheni respects him. After the death of Jarvis' wife Kumalo feels heartwrenched and sad because the wife of a caring man has died.
It is clear that their friendship is complete when Kumalo recieves a response from his letter of sorrow to Jarvis. "Umfundisi, I think you for your message of sympathy, and the promise of the prayers of your church, you are right, my wife knew of the things that are being done, and had the greatest part in it. These things we did in memory of our beloved son. It was one of her last wished that a new church be built at Ndotsheni, come and I will discuss it with you. " From this letter it is clear that a relationship and degree of respect is developing between these two chareacters. Stephen respects James' because he was able to forgive so easily, while James' respects Stephen's selflessness in the town. An example of his selflessness was when he refused to leave the ministry to work at a white man's store even though it paid better than the church ever would. "And because he spoke with compassion, the old man wept and Jarvis sat embarrassed on his horse. Indeed he might have come down from it, but such a thing is not lightly done. But he stretched out his hand over the darkening valley, and said, One thing is about to be finished, but here is something that is only begun. And while I live it will continue. Umfundisi, go well." " Do not go before I have thanked you. For the young man and the milk. And now the church." This is the true sign their friendship has emerged, what Jarvis said is symbolizing that their friendship will never end until he dies. Through these examples it is clear that from the death of their sons derives a powerful emotional bond between these two people making them good friends.

Unfortunatly, it took the horrible accident of the death of their sons to bring James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo together. But because of their experience and their responsibility of how they handed the issue they realized that they themselves are not that different, and from their similarities evolved a unique friendship.



**Read Please**

I don't think this is a very good essay, however that doesn't change the fact that it is still due tommorow! So, I was wondering if you guys might make some suggestions.

Thank you,

Ryan Sengara











 

LordMaul

Lifer
Nov 16, 2000
15,168
1
0
There was this dude...his name was Aurther...and another named uhhh....Bob...

Woah...


ENd.
 

RbSX

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
8,351
1
76


<< There was this dude...his name was Aurther...and another named uhhh....Bob...

Woah...


ENd.
>>




Bump!

Only serious comments please.
 

StinkyMeat

Platinum Member
Sep 7, 2001
2,079
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How do you think we are? People with lots of free time??

Oh...well....you got me there.....
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
I'm tired, so here is a bunch of stuff that I could think of (BTW - I'm taking AP English, and passing it with an A-). What is this essay supposed to be about? "it may take a catastrophic accident to make two people forget their differences and discover their similarities". I think that your example is too complex. Is Joe Blow across the street gonna know what you are talking about upon immediatly reading it? No. While using a diverse vocabulary is good, it isn't working well with this essay. Manifesto?!?!?!?! That word reminds me of the unibomber. Starting the essay off with "unfortunatly" isn't good. There isn't much organization of the essay. An essay needs paragraphs and a few central ideas that revolve around a thesis that is stated at the END of the first paragraph.




<< Ryan Sengara 4/24/02 English 10: Essay Unfortunatly in some situations, it may take a catastrophic accident to make two people forget their differences and discover their similarities. Such as the case of James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo, when Absalom (Stephen's son) murders Arthur Jarvis (James' son). For Stephen as a priest, the thought of his son murdering someone was a troubling thought. Ironically Arthur is a black rights activist and has written many manifesto's regarding this issue, and after his death his father reads many of these writings. Following these accidents, both of these men experienced a certain form of enlightenment which let them break through their prior experiences and create a unique friendship and degree of compassion for eachother. After the death of his son , James reviews his sons manifesto's on his idea of the black experience in South America. Because he is a rich white land owner, he doesn't understand the life of a black majority in his country, however through his son's final route of communication he is introduced to the problems in the society around him. Enlightened by his sons quest to improve society, he turns to the town of Ndotsheni to make a small difference in the world. During his quest to improve the plight around him, he builds a dam to prevent famine, he provides milk for the dying children, and helps improve farming in the valley. "We were working in the trees," said the man," when this small boy came riding up. I don't understand English, umfundusi, but they were talking about Kuluse's child. And come and look what I they have brought you." There outside the door was the milk, in the shining cans in the cart. From it is clear Jarvis doesn't harbour any hard feelings towards Kumalo, because if he did, he wouldn't have donated the milk. "Kumalo went into the house, and he told his wike, The inkosikazi is death. And she said, Au! Au! and the women also. Some of them wept and they spoke of the goodness of the woman that was dead. Kumalo went to his table and sat down there , thinking of what he should do. When this confirmation was over he would go up to the house at High Place, and tell Jarvis of their grief down in the valley." From this it is clear the feeling of compassion between Jarvis and Kumalo is becoming obvious, and the feelings are not just shared between Jarvis and Kumalo but all of Ndotsheni respects him. After the death of Jarvis' wife Kumalo feels heartwrenched and sad because the wife of a caring man has died. It is clear that their friendship is complete when Kumalo recieves a response from his letter of sorrow to Jarvis. "Umfundisi, I think you for your message of sympathy, and the promise of the prayers of your church, you are right, my wife knew of the things that are being done, and had the greatest part in it. These things we did in memory of our beloved son. It was one of her last wished that a new church be built at Ndotsheni, come and I will discuss it with you. " From this letter it is clear that a relationship and degree of respect is developing between these two chareacters. Stephen respects James' because he was able to forgive so easily, while James' respects Stephen's selflessness in the town. An example of his selflessness was when he refused to leave the ministry to work at a white man's store even though it paid better than the church ever would. "And because he spoke with compassion, the old man wept and Jarvis sat embarrassed on his horse. Indeed he might have come down from it, but such a thing is not lightly done. But he stretched out his hand over the darkening valley, and said, One thing is about to be finished, but here is something that is only begun. And while I live it will continue. Umfundisi, go well." " Do not go before I have thanked you. For the young man and the milk. And now the church." This is the true sign their friendship has emerged, what Jarvis said is symbolizing that their friendship will never end until he dies. Through these examples it is clear that from the death of their sons derives a powerful emotional bond between these two people making them good friends. Unfortunatly, it took the horrible accident of the death of their sons to bring James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo together. But because of their experience and their responsibility of how they handed the issue they realized that they themselves are not that different, and from their similarities evolved a unique friendship. **Read Please** I don't think this is a very good essay, however that doesn't change the fact that it is still due tommorow! So, I was wondering if you guys might make some suggestions. Thank you, Ryan Sengara >>