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Ebay is a never-ending source of hilarity

Who spends $$$ to do that. Crazy.

Nice car though, not the nicest porch, but, nicer than say a focus or a civic. 🙂
 
Vehicle Description

Hey there, I'm Eilene, and my worthless third ex-husband stuck me with this Porch in the divorce, so I'm sellin' it! I told him right off, when he showed up in the driveway, that I didn't need no more Porch's; I already had one to sit on an' drink beer! "Course, Stuart, or Jeb as he's called around here, up an says he got it for me cause it just mateched my REAL hair color, which is Platinum Blonde, but now it's red (most of it, anyways!). I knew right off why he really got it for me; he was foolin' around with that no good white trash Joline, who is Jeb's second "mistake" in the past six months (I'm the forgivin' type) an' he got caught again when I went down to the Feed & Seed to see why Jeb didn't get home for supper, an' there they both was, necked as God made 'em and playin' "horsey" out back in the warehouse on a pile of Super Sweet Cow Chow sacks!!! Well, let me tell you, I walked up an hit that bimbo so hard her fake eyelashes flew off an one of 'em stuck on top of her 42" DD's, which her last boyfriend bought her! Poor ol' Jeb didn't know whether he was comin' or goin', an either one was a distinct possibility at the time, but I just said "Yer late fer Supper....Again!" an left them to figure if I was goin' back an get the 16 GA I keep under the seat of the pickup in case I see someone that needs killin', which most of 'em aren't worth the trouble arount here! But I'm way off track 'cause you want to know about the Porch, which Jeb bought me the next week after he stayed with his cousin Del Ray for the coolin' down period. Jeb pulls in with this fancy ass furrin car an says "Hop in Sweetie, you gonna love this!" I had to admit it weren't bad for somethin' that didn't say Chevrolet on the trunk lid, and we took off down old Route 31 to cruise the Dairy Bar and see who was cheatin' on who at the moment. No more than we got to the highway than we see Del and Pauline (his main squeeze) at the stoplight in his Go-Mango jacked all the way up to hell an gone '70 RoadRunner, with the sewer pipe exhausts comin' out in front of the rear tires, which Pauline is always cryin' about 'cause she burns her leg every time she gets out of that rollin' pumpkin! (an' she ain't no Cinderella either!) So Jeb eases up on the inside lane real cool like, and glances over at Del an says "How you like my Sweetie's new wheels?" Del an Pauline are checkin' it out, an Jeb says to me "Show Del how she matches your REAL hair color!" So I never liked Pauline anyway, an I starts hitchin up my favorite yellow leather mini-skirt. Well, Del Ray is about to fall right out of his orange bucket of bolts, when the light turns GREEN and Jeb steps off the clutch at about 4,000 RPM an we is flat GONE!!! (Which is why the Porch has a brand new clutch) I snuck a look in the mirror an all I saw was tire smoke from those Hoosier Street Cheats, an then it looked like the flywheel on the RR let loose and they just sort of coasted over to the berm...kind of a shame to embarrass a 440 6 Pack that way! Weel, we went on down to the DQ an got a couple of big ol' tenderloins, and then we got into it over Jeb an Joline all over again, an Jeb, he says I can stick that Porch where the sun don't shine an I said it wouldn't fit an he said "A lot you know, you could drive a Mack Truck up there", and so here it is for sale...she's as clean as a hound's tooth an REAL fast, an can even beat a 440 6 pack RR...if you cheat just a little! So how about it...wnat to see my REAL hair color???


Vehicle Condition

As New...Just like God an Dr. Porch intended! If it needed fixed, it's been fixed, period! (new belts, water pump, motor mounts, clutch, brakes in last 10k miles).


Terms of Sale

Cash is nice, but I suppose a fancy Bank Certified Cashier's Check in good ol' US Dollars would do...Of coures, she is sold "AS IS WHERE IS" and there isn't any warranty, especially since Jeb drove her for a while! Delivery is at my front door, an don't try anything "Cute", 'cause the 16 GA is still in the pickup!
Click to expand...
 
Cute, the city is from "Hicksville, USA" but really from Chicago (if you look below it).

Just someone trying to stand out and sell their car. The story, of course, is bogus. 😛
 
One day a bum is going door to door in a very upscale nieghborhood looking for a way to make a few bucks.
He comes to one house and the owner tells him he'll pay him $50 to paint his porch. He then hands the guy a bucket of paint and a brush and tells the bum he'll be in the backyard and for him to come around back when he's done.

A few hours go by, and the bum shows up in the backyard covered with paint and tells the man he's finished.
The owner asks him how it looks?

"Pretty good" says the bum "But I gotta tell you, that's NOT a porch, it's a BMW!"
 
Originally posted by: Brutuskend
One day a bum is going door to door in a very upscale nieghborhood looking for a way to make a few bucks.
He comes to one house and the owner tells him he'll pay him $50 to paint his porch. He then hands the guy a bucket of paint and a brush and tells the bum he'll be in the backyard and for him to come around back when he's done.

A few hours go by, and the bum shows up in the backyard covered with paint and tells the man he's finished.
The owner asks him how it looks?

"Pretty good" says the bum "But I gotta tell you, that's NOT a porch, it's a BMW!"
Click to expand...

heh
 
Several fishy things about that. First of all, almost certainly a fake auction. Florida plates on the car, seller is in Chicago. Car's name is spelled correctly in the auction listing, but never in the description. Car is PCA (Porsche Club of America) registered (you can clearly see the sticker in one of the windows). The car is in perfect shape, down to the original spare tire bag and the original toolkit in the trunk. The only way to know to look for those things, much less to include them in the pictures. The selling price is also somewhat below (but not too far below) the market value of a very clean first-year 944 Turbo.

I say it's phony, and not just the story but the whole thing. I don't think that the E-Bay "seller" owns the car.

ZV
 
I think it's a legit auction - the "Porch" misspelling is just part of the joke. If we assume that the seller really is a woman selling her ex-husband's car it makes sense that she wouldn't know absolutely everything about it - like the PCA membership. The blurb is cute but I really think it gets in the way of the sale of what looks like a very nice car.

Seller is asking for a deposit of $15,000 - which I'm guessing is her reserve. That's kinda high for even a low-mileage Turbo. If it looked and drove perfect and all the service was documented I might do $13.5 k. 944 series cars are seriously undervalued on the used market these days. You can get some serious power out of a Turbo, too.
 
Originally posted by: phantom309
If we assume that the seller really is a woman selling her ex-husband's car it makes sense that she wouldn't know absolutely everything about it - like the PCA membership.
Click to expand...
Then how did she know to take that picture of the trunk with all the rare bits (air compressor, tool kit, spare tire bag) in plain sight? Nope, something is seriously fishy about this one. Way too much incongruity.

ZV
 
Originally posted by: phantom309
I think it's a legit auction - the "Porch" misspelling is just part of the joke. If we assume that the seller really is a woman selling her ex-husband's car it makes sense that she wouldn't know absolutely everything about it - like the PCA membership. The blurb is cute but I really think it gets in the way of the sale of what looks like a very nice car.

Seller is asking for a deposit of $15,000 - which I'm guessing is her reserve. That's kinda high for even a low-mileage Turbo. If it looked and drove perfect and all the service was documented I might do $13.5 k. 944 series cars are seriously undervalued on the used market these days. You can get some serious power out of a Turbo, too.
Click to expand...

yeah scam, trying to trick idiots or just be funny.....86 951's even with low miles are the most in demand of them....

The fact she knows it's a 951 is a giveaway that she's no bumpkin.
 
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